Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

messed up

oh girl you were my best friend
not a day went by
i dident see your smile
oh girl what happened to this
theres so much that i miss


come on girl get up
stop talking at me
im messed up
im lost without you
and im stuck
cant stop thinkin of you
im messed up

girl i can see you got a
problem with me
youve been acting so stange
so come on and let it out
but theres no need for you to shout

come on girl get up
stop talking at me
im messed up
im lost without you
and im stuck
cant stop thinkin of you
im messed up

oh girl did you hit your head
youve gone mad
i cant get outta bed
dont wanna move or go to school
cant believe i was such a fool

come on girl get up
stop talking at me
im messed up
im lost without you
and im stuck
cant stop thinkin of you
im messed up


dident you know that i loved you
believed i couldent live without you
now your gone so
ill smile and ill cover up my pain
but ill never love anyone the same again.




Author notes


Written May 5th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • May 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hey...I think I recognise this from your screen name and you mentioned it to me and jules when we went clubbing! I thought you were telling us about an actual song I didn't know you meant that you actually wrote it its great! well done

  • Caiwena
    May 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ooooo... intrigueing.... it's really sad, and cool. I like the "oh girl" bits... I know someone else said OTown song, but I kind of hear Bob Dylan - maybe cause I know you wrote it. Anywho, I can totally hear the blues harmonica solo in the middle. Very cool

  • sp-hidden lies
    May 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is awesome. The ending is sad. And the whole thing just is awesome. Great Job!!!


  • cathedralheat
    May 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    haha honestly it sounds like an OTown song. No offense meant but the way it is written with the "oh girl"'s is just a little disarming.

    Is there a reason you left out apostrophese? "youve"? be careful with that, it just makes your poem seem less credible.

    keep writing!


  • Imokon
    May 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Messed up indeed.

    oh girl did you hit your head
    youve gone mad

    I don't see how these two lines fit honestly. The poem did give a vision of someone confused, yet it lacked important elements, it should either have a ryhme scheme, some background, or something consitent.

  • PainAndSafetyPins
    May 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is really good!

1 - 6 of 6