Climbing
The German battleship Tirpitz capsized after being bombed in a Norwegian fiord late in World War II. Several hundred of the crew perished in the upturned hull. About 85 climbed up through the ship to the inner bottom, and were rescued.
Upward. Freezing we climb in this freezing dark,
upward between torn steel as batteries die,
between the whittering waterfalls, the stark
madness that rushes from the steel inverted sky.
How can we be under these black steel facts,?
How can we think upon our coming home
in this madness of oil and ice and cataracts,
black but for mincing pin-points in the rush of foam?
In this smashed world, this torn empire
off uniform steel and iron, moulded men?
Climb now, between the hammer-strokes
of falling machinery, between man dying again
in shut, filling compartments, with rolling steel
- this is a second death, this black freezing time -
when all is destroyed, save flickering lights that feel
the freezing waterfalls and weep and climb.
climb. Upward and climb. Grip oily icy steel,
grip now and climb and think and do not think.
Hope and despair are one, with us who hold
now after Judgement Day, now fallen past any brink.
Upward. We must simply starkly hold
what resources we have, between with waterfalls.
Survive. Survive the oil and fire and cold,
the clanging blackness where the last madness calls.
Through each next hatchway, towards the crazed black sky
of armoured steel that seals us freezing down
under these roaring waterfalls. So we will try
as machinery falls and one by one we drown.
We are already dead. We have no wreaths or sagas,
or know what fire or waves may roll above the steel.
Our world is gone to ruin, our world is crushed
to black freezing oil, to water we now hardly feel
fingering our ankles and heels as we climb,
clutching us back. But we may not admit we are dead
who are caught in this black Hell outside of time
If we have died, can we think on what lies ahead?
To climb. Only to climb up through this dark,
leaderless, driven towards a desperate goal
with barely pride and courage, with one bare hope:
In a wrecked world, we will keep something whole.
___________
Author notes
Written May 5th, 2005
A contest entry
- The Last Post by rufina caraid.
508 points, ended November 11, 2006, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ah... The Ballad by Vagabond.
390 points, ended January 30, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - World of War by Lively Matter.
1200 points, ended April 15, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Epics (Multiple Round Contest) *New Edit* by Ontarah.
600 points, ended May 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tragedies by Musical Renaissance.
700 points, ended June 15, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No work required for this contest. Prewrites only. by yoopea.
617 points, ended July 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Point and originality by HellRaiser21.
330 points, ended May 9, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write a modern classic war poem. by BabyBun.
700 points, ended February 26, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Thanks for entering this wonderful poem. Good luck
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Very good.... I really liked it. A unique poem, on a subject not familiar to most, it really stood out. Great write.
~*~RoseDawn~*~
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Wow... that's stirring. Very well-written and potent use of rhythm and words. Thanks for your great entry!
By the way, I am now the judge for this contest; my brother's been sick for a lil while and he just asked me to judge this. I'm hoping to get it judged today. Thanks for your entry and your patience! -
You do a spectacular job capturing the pain, desperation, and fear of these men in this poem. The whole thing relays an epic fight for survival with good flow and tight rhymes. It is a flurry of frenzied action and the tension builds throughout. Very well written though it does have a sad ending. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Bravo!!!!! I loved this! Although I can see that in your author notes you did not put what i told you to put to make sure you read the rules, you still followed all the rules. I am sad that they died, but I love the way how you made the poem seem as if the ghosts themselves were the poets. Thank you soooo much for entering and good luck!
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First and formost, Thank you for entering my contest! I was beginning to think that I would get only those first seven entries! As to the poem, the subject to chose was an interesting one, certainly a story that deserves to be told, and, for the most part, you did an excellent job of telling it. It is not, techniqually in the form of a traditional Ballad, but then few of my contest entries seem to be. In concerns to the rhythm and rhyme, it is imperfect, and there were a few places in the poem where the beat was thrown off quite a bit. Regardless of this it was an enjoyable poem. Good work, and best of luck in the contest!
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There were 2608 men aboard this ship, 2500 of them non-officers. this wasn't the first time she had been hit but was able to survive the 1st. However I see that the War years are a particular interst and I didn't doubt the facts here at all. In fact I applaud your adhesion to facts and your ability to write so well without losing the story line, a wonderful attribute.
It was intersting too to read an entry not written about the allied forces.
thanks for your entry
Von -
Powerful writing
My grandfater was in WWI, my father served during Battle of the Bulge in WWII and my uncle was career military rising to Colonel to run Fort Hood. Your words led me into war as if it were I too climbing. Vivid imagery and powerful emotion. -
Thank you for the applause. I don't really write much humorous poetry, though nowadays, grown, I hope out of adolescent weltscherz, I do try to make what I write positive and celebratory in some way.
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You are right. I do like this one. As I was looking back through your list of poems, I can almost bet you have something humorous that is more inspiring than your entry. When I read the titles I immediately knew what kind of humor you are attracted to and in some instances I enjoy it. In this work, my only quibble is the over use of vocabulary. However, after reading the whole poem I am thinking you did that for effect. The subject was a good topic for your piece and it seemed to really inspire your words. The imagery really held this write together and that is always a good thing. I almost hoped for a longer story about your subject. Overall, I think this piece is worth the read.
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Thank for your very kind comments.
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What a story! You use just the right words to tell it. The last lines are my favorite. “leaderless, driven towards a desperate goal with barely pride and courage, with one bare hope: in a wrecked world, we will keep something whole.” Nice!!!
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Well done. This is very good and made me think. Good Job
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great intent in this write, I felt that I was reading a book on it, I like the flow the image you put in this, thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest..Linda
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Vivid! It always impresses me when someone is able to take a historical event and breahte life into it espeacially when they are able to tell the story within the rythm of poetry. I think that either the background should be completely removed from the begining, incorporated in the poem or distinguished as background and not part of the poem. The way it is now it looks like part of the poem but is clearly not in verse and feels out of place.Thanks for entering.
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Okay then please submit the appropriate comments in your author's notes.
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I think it fits the rules because it is about surviving loss (of their ship).
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Thanks for submitting this work, be sure to revisit the rules to let me know how this fits.
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Thank you very much. You may have noticed I have corrected one line. It should be "moulded men", not "moulded me" (I don't werite about 'me"!)
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inspiring
this was very intriguing. The depth and word usage in this write is awesome.God bless -
waohhh tough
keep up the good work i was totaly baffled and blinking but anyways i'm sure u took awhile to make it!! good work
lots of luck in the contest
xoxoanna -
Thank you very much for your kind words - I do try to write in a variety of styles, or rather not be tied down to any one style. I think a poem's style style should be appropriate to its subject, and in a sense style and subject are inspeerable. In the case of "Climbing" I was trying for the sound of feet on ladders, also a sort of military drum-beat, and in lines like "Armoured steel that seals us freezing down" with alot of "ee" sounds jammed together, a screeching effect. You will see poems of mine like "Basking", "Pankton" The "Selsey" poems or "September 11," are entirely different, not only in form, but, I hope, in "texture." Again, poems of mine like "Cadbury Castle" or "Redhead with Phosophous" is like "Climbing" in that they are rhyming quartrains, but I think they have a quite different texture, atmosphere, feel. I have just got off a long plaine flight - 2,500 miles and back overnight, making a speech in between, so I am off to have a sleep now and will have a look at some more of your work when I wake up.
I think it is an excellent exercise for a poet to deliberately try to copy the masters form time to time, providing they get credit - ie, to write a poem consciously "In the manner of so-and-so." (kipling, Gerald Manley hopkind, Thomas Hardy, Dylan Thomas, Shakespeare, Douglas Stewart, Cicley Fox Smith, A. E. Housemann, etc.) -
You are an excellent poet. Your style is very different from my own and from the type of poetry I am usually fond of, but there's something in it that appeals to me- i will read more of your work over time.
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Yes, you have got it. The poem is actually about survival after catastrophe in any circumstances. It was also meant to be an exercise in omomatophoea (sorry spelling is wrong, I think). eg "armoured steel that seals us freezing down" is meant to contain the sound of steel plates grinding together, "Or know what fire or waves may roll above the steel" is meant to suggest the sound of feet on ladders somewhere in the background of the reader's mind. But a poem should not need to be explained!
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The explanation of the the sinking ship is very helpful, as I assume the Germans are experiencing death in more than one way, seeing that they also lost the war. I like the note of hope and integrity at the end, of these men who have to go though they have lost everything. cake
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Aww this is a really sad piece with good narrative Keep writing and thanks for your comment I'm planning on moving to America, but it's just a 'pipe dream' anyway... I'll prob just stay in the UK.
All the best,
Pozo
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I read this and I was shocked at having seen it under the listed for humor, but then I saw your comment above and I undrestand what you are saying. This is quite a gripping tale here. You have done a remarkable job at wording it in such as way as to draw the reader in and keep them in your grasp from beginning to end. Nice work.
♥ Kimberly -
Thank you very much. You will note I categoriesed it as "humour" because I think it's silly to try to categorise poems. It must be lovely for you in London in the spring. I have spent a total of about three years in Britain and it was a source of many poems.
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A very descriptive piece, I could feel the cold and the despair of the men.
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