Some skills are sadly lost, in these times
of fast food, fast cars and white-collared crimes.
To prowl in the dark like a cat,
To sneak into the house like a rat,
To steal and never be heard again
Till chance presents a bigger gain,
To innovate, and find new ways
To send the Police on a wild goose chase:
Such skills are sadly lost, in these times
of fast food, fast cars and white-collared crimes.
To walk on tiled roof like a genie,
To enter locked houses like Houdini,
To sniff Money’s trail like a hound,
To vanish like a magician and never be found,
To revel in one’s feats and yet, be discreet,
To know every dog, every inn and every street:
Such skills are sadly lost, in these times
of fast food, fast cars and white-collared crimes.
Imagine, a fiddler on a roof top
Announcing his presence to a cop
Through missteps, musical notes and falling tiles
Hanging for dear life all the while.
If a burglar himself raises an alarm,
Of what use are the burglar alarms?
When the art of stealing loses its sheen,
And the kin of Robin Hood lose their spleen,
It’s an immense loss of no mean sort,
The social order would indeed distort,
Since dumbness in a thief is a sign
Of plummeting standards of human brain.
Author notes
Inspired by an article on bungling thieves:
“Britain’s growing company of inept thieves gained a new member after a man was arrested because of his bizarre and incriminating fashion sense. Burgled shopkeeper was dumbfounded to spot a passer-by dressed from collar to ankle in striking but un-coordinated designs, which looked exactly like those stolen three weeks earlier from his store in Bedford. That arrest follows the recent downfall of another robber in London, who held up a betting shop with a banana-which he had most unfortunately wrapped in a transparent plastic bag. Another suspected burglar was caught after he made much noise on a cottage roof in Cornwall.”
Fiddler: Someone who manipulates in a nervous or unconscious manner, Violinist, Cheat.
Written May 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Bad crooks. I read stuff like this in a column, "News of the Weird", that comes with a weekly paper here. Very nice, putting yourself in the same places as these thieves. I am positive you are not a thief, but wow, you know a lot about them.
You always write gorgeous stuff.
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What a hoot. Just the suggestion that burglers are bunglers is too funny. I guess you almost have to be a high tech thief these days, what with all the technology and sophistication people place on their posessions. But to hold someone up with a banana in a see through bag is just the best I've heard in a long while. This has made me day. Very funny and so ironic that thievery has lost it's touch. Hahahaha
Renee ♥ -
This is unique and innovative.. loved it! Makes me suspect that you have a naughty streak in you - from your days as a child perhaps...?
Well written, friend.
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Kyla, Some loveable characters from literature were thieves, Robin Hood, the Thief of Baghdad etc. In my childhood, I used to read a monthly magazine called “ Chandamama”(Moon in my mother tongue: Chanda is Moon; Mama is uncle) which had interesting stories about kings, princes, witches etc. I loved reading about the exploits of a “good” thief, some one who robbed rich to help the poor and who sneaked into the quarters of the princess to steal her jewels and her heart. There is a vulnerability in such characters that is quite appealing. Let me hasten to say that I do not endorse crime of any kind but the idea of a thief, who should normally instill fear, as a bumbling idiot was too hilarious to resist. Thanks for your comment.
Krishna -
LOL!
I couldn't understand why you would be lamenting the loss of "good" thieves... until I read the last line.
You are quite right, we are rapidly becoming a society of self-indulgent idiots
Something different, I enjoyed this,
Kyla X
Edited on May 07, 11:51 p.m. because ''. -
I have read some stories of inept criminals but must say they never inspired my muse. This bit of humour is fun and enjoyable. There is much I miss in these time of fast food fast......... can' say i really though about missing the crimes of earlier times though but seeing how horrendous and gory crimes are now perhaps a sneaky cat burglar would be a welcome change. You are very right about the plummetting standards of the human brain.
Edited on May 06, 5:25 because ''. -
Well you fooled me! I must admit I thought this poem would take a different bent than it did. I was envisioning a more serious discussion of what has been loss in this current age of rapid fire life. I found this quite clever and humorous once I realized you weren't *really* endorsing crime!
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HAHAHAHAHA...First of all I must congratulate you for recouping your muse...lol...
This is so hillarious...it's very true that we don't hear much of serious robberies... perhaps they should start making movies like "How to steal a million" "Italian Job" "Ocean's eleven" to instigate challengers... I liked this particular line... "And the kin of Robin Hood lose their spleen"... b'cause I live in the city of Robinhood...lolol... we're not too bad... thanx for the giggles...
mina
Edited on May 05, 5:14 p.m. because 'sp'.
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