Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Storm of the Inside

i heard the news,
i heard it well
my choices hardened
my life's now hell

When she came
the news she bore
but he let me have it
and now I'm tore

The look on my face
the shock to my heart
i fell to my knees
my head fell apart

i wept tears of sorrow
i lied on the ground
i fainted right there
and made not a sound

when i came awake
you spoke not a word
but the tears in your eyes
told me what occur

why you did this to me
i will never know
but you cheated on me
and now you must go.

Author notes


Written May 3rd, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Reflections Lived
    May 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    good write. i can see how this is an internal conflict. your thoughts all messed up after that moment you find out. this was a good write. i liked your rhyme though the second stanza didnt really make sense. you had a few case errors but not bad. your flow of the poem worked out really well though. you lead on thing into the next. your last stanza was great. it really summed up the poem and stated the cause for your misery. good job with this. always keep writing *kat~~~