Closed butterfly.
At the bottom of my heart
whispered with wings.
Looking for a freedom
far away from the flowers
effusing the dust of gold.
Author notes
-Category 2: Write a poem in 21-40 syllables or less
This one has 37 syllables
Closed butterfly is our personal freedom. Our fears do not allow us to fly like a free person. Just think about it! We are just trembling and watching how the life goes by even then when we have a "dust of gold" on our wings. We do not have enough courage to share our personality with the others. Because of that we are trying to "share us" with poetry.
My comment:Breathless Language
and Laura Lamarca entered poems.
Written May 3rd, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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this is a beautiful poem and i love what your saying. usually a butterfly is free and lives life to the fullest hereas a closed butterfly doesnt. great poem. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thankyou For Entering -
Thank you x-Lilac
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A beautiful piece
A powerful little poem that dazzles with the true feelings of your inner being and lets the mind linger on certain thoufhts...a good write...~Lilac~ -
Very Good
Again another great short piece, works very well and in terms of appeal becuase it is short and does not tie the reader down it allows more people to read it and put their own spin on it.
James -
Thank you for this very nice comment and applause. I understand your feelings about this poem
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I definitely loved this poem, it reminds me of myself so much, i really can't say much except for, a job very well done, keep writing...
~^~Tiya~^~ -
I am glad that you like it. How did I find you? You are on my fav's list.
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Wonderful Poem!
Excellent work! Thank you for directing me to this! I love my butterfly~
Thank you!
sammy..
how did you find me? -
Thank you Brandi. Yes, even then when we must be closed (or not?), we are still here, with our poetrym and like my butterfly we are: "effusing the dust of gold."
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This is a beautiful poem and very well written. It is honest in its message that it gets across so clearly. We all are too afraid to try anything that might bring failure upon us. We all seem too afraid to open up ourselves to each other and to the many wonders that surround us, therefore leaving us confined in this shell that does not allow to see people for their true nature nor does it allow for us to see the world in all of its wonder and glory.
Good luck in the contest! -
Thank you blaze. I am glad that you like it. This poem is very important and very special to me.
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this is a wonderful pen sonja and so full of truth for far too many of us live exculisely in our fears and failures when in thruth succeed or fail the only thing is that we fly and how we handle these failures/successes with grace and humility
love and light
blaze -
Thank you again. This poem is much more than a pictured verses. Much more than feelings. This is a kind of life. Thank you for your good wishes.
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thanks
Hey. awesome write...really shot but in your author comment it makes more sense. This is really meaningful and full of emotion, It was a great poem and I really liked it. Great write and thanks so much for the points and sharing your poetry! i loved reading this great piece. good luck in my contest thanks for entering!
thanks again
Kylee -
Well, either way works for me. The second stanza could be directed at the reader and the first stanza when either "looking" or "look" are used. Just a suggestion though and I could be wrong haha. Take care and God bless.
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Thank you for your kind comment. Maybe you are right, but if he is still looking for freedom? What then
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Nice form and a true message. I know I've let fears hold me back for years now but I strive to change it everyday. I would change "looking" to "look" in the forth line. That was it could be better directed at the reader in my opinion. Take care and God bless.
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Thank you for your rewiev and kind comment.
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judging
A short but very strong poem. Well done, to tell so much with so little words. Great write. -
wow...you have a wonderful way with your words. this is amazing, a thousand thoughts came to my mind from this short yet powerful poem. so many emotions yet so little words....flawless
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You have a real knack to writing poetry/lyrics etc that are short yet VERY powerful!! I liked this piece as I liked the other!! This piece has so much truth and power in it, again so many people would be able to relate to this piece!! Congrats on captivating your readers, that is very hard to do on here!!
Keep writing
Countrybabe 
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Looking for a freedom
far away from the flowers.....
I like that, it's different,not to the flowers, but away from them. All the butterflies go to the flowers, don't they. Makes me want to open up and fly away. Very nice.... -
I liked the simple words and yet the deep meaning behind those words of yours . Thank you for sharing
Reenie
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Thank you. I am glad that you like my works. I am very serious, and sometimes something funny just want to jup out of me! you saw the result!
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I just made quite a flippant comment on one of your other poems, so I thought I'd check out some more of your work and maybe try being serious.
I'm glad I did, this is a really nice piece. Short yet evocative. I liked it. Thanks -
Thank you very much for your kind and nice words.
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a secret butterfly
I loved this simple poem about a butterfly in your heart,
genial and unique , I've written a few on butterflies , this
one is sweet , "effusing the dust of gold " love this -
Thankful! :f
Thank you for your very kind words Veiled Muse! I am doing the best I can. sometimes it is good, sometimes it is not enough good. Sometimes it depands of readers.
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WONDERFUL! This was so simply gorgeous and imaginative. I absolutely adored thsi piece. I found it so beautofuly crafted and so lovely. I love this. It really sparkled with beauty and talent. GREAT write
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Dear Lana, I am just trying to express my feelings and to make a relations between me, my poems and readers. English is not my first language.Sometimes it is pretty hard. Sometimes it depands of readers taste for poetry. Thanky you for good wishes!
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