PENETRATE II
i have sat in the dare seat since birth
a sickly oyster virgin with only a red muscle mouth
to shout i’d kiss pavement
if concrete could produce enough moisture
and i have clasped shallow plaster
bleaching it with desperation
until it went white
white as chicken bones
and the eggs that hummed
for pele to grant me green moments
i searched like little boys playing hide and seek
in fields far more fertile than i
but you can beg only so much of ripe august
from hands fashioned in late october
and i was left to cut christ cookies
in a kitchen scented like mother
who slipped away like an adult miscarriage
on the night i realized all men were bastards
stealers of peaches
even the canned kinds
O how i laughed then
at the knowledge
that four americans
die from choking each day
and yet
i survive
so yes
i cry
when i can be scooped up in small handfuls
like loaves of madonna bread
when noise once again
becomes a friend
& each time a perfect word fucks my pen dry
but if I had my druthers
this is how
if god were my towel boy
i’d be remembered
just a vagrant gray white cat
fuzzed and loose-jointed
quietly strolling through simple sunlight
Author notes
Second in a series
Gold
Written May 2nd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Favorites (Invite Only) by Lj-.
600 points, ended August 29, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
-
I really love this.
There's something harsh about it.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck!
-
I love the imagery of a gray white cat strolling through simple sunlight, loose jointed. I actually didn't like that you used the word "fuzzed" because I think that kind of gives the image of a cat just coming out of chaos, like a fight with a dog or something. Unless that's what you intended, but I don't think it is. I did not understand madonna bread.
Overall, I liked it. But there are things I would change. Of course though, everyone has their specific style and I could never write anything this good to begin with. So good job. -
I'm glad I changed my age. This was definitely worth the read. I don't know what to say, I've never been good at praise, but you know I would.
-
WOOHOO! Congratulations!
-
you are just so damn amazing.
-
evrything that "writing is" ... IS, contained within the verse. it's a showpiece.
-
The whole section starting with "when I can be scooped up in small handfuls" was my favorite. I'm glad I discovered you tonight. I think I discovered you before but hadn't read you in a while.
Wow... I sound like Simon Cowell or Columbus or something. You know what I mean.
-
-
Now ya got me all a'blushin'...
lol And the Simon comment had me rollin'!! 
Thanks, sweetpea...if you read any more of me, I KNOW you'll be entering that contest with a great entry!
Wow...now do I sound egotistical or WHAT??!
-
-
When Blkwidow77 writes a poem that rhymes, I will enter Anasuya's contest.
-
-
Oh crap! Yeah...like that'd ever happen...oh wait! I think she DID write a poem that rhymed! It was called...um...something-something Idaho...I think...yeah...what she said!
-
-
Nice try.
-
-
-
-
-
Excellent.
Any more of my rambling would be unnecessary...
-
-
Thank you, darlin'...
-
-
Nice poem. Thank you for your entry.
-
I'm bone dry for words today
Yeh, what he said. Points up to ecrivain's comment. -
Intriguing write. You do know how to turn a phrase.
-
Thank you very much for the glowing comment...lol. I deeply appreciate it!
-
very well written. it was written so straight forward, but still so discreet and descriptive. i liked it a lot. i dont really know what to say besides good job and good luck in my contest!
angi -
Thank you, darling Lisa for the well wishes and info. It was a pleasure to be included in this prestigeous contest, and I hope my entry has been up to snuff and enjoyed by all the judges. Good luck in the first round selection and the continuation of the judging.
-
ah this one.
an honor to come in second behind this....
-
I don't even know how to reply to that much dripping sarcasm, but I do love you, too. Now I need to go back to my corner tee-heeing, some dope flew into the DC no fly zone, and people are buzzing all over the place.
-
"I've got twice as many medals as you but will pretend to be jealous so that I appear humble and everyone will shower me with more and more and more awards while brian crawls back into his dark little hole where he belongs".
Shhhhhhhhh...sheesh! I had a good thing going too!
And of course, leave to YOU to blow my cover wide open...see...you ARE evil and must be adored! And don't think for a second I don't know that you're in the back corner tee-heeing into hands cause you know that in the future, I will only have this ONE gold compared to your forty score and then some...lol. But thank you again, sweetie...even though you're a putz of the first water, you sure know how to charm the ladies! 
-
pish and tush ms. "I've got twice as many medals as you but will pretend to be jealous so that I appear humble and everyone will shower me with more and more and more awards while brian crawls back into his dark little hole where he belongs".
I have never allowed you anything, and you have never bothered with permissions. It is funny in a way though. This contest threw me for fits. "Do something new..." The only things I could think of as organizing principles for a poem which had never been done before resulted in awful poetry. Your voice comes through clearly here, and your style is always creative. -
About bloody time I won a contest with YOU in it, Mr. Smartypants! Goodness...it's nice not to be holding that silver and trying to grin through my bare teeth at you preening with the gold...lmao. But spank you, darling, for being such a gracious soul...most likely cause you prolly just ALLOWED me to win this time...putz...
-
lol, one of the most straightforward poems I've read from you, and you win this contest. chuckeling am I. Loved this. Pele spared me, and allowed me to come back to virginia where I encounter her too infrequently. I like to much of this for a breakdown. Tasty.
-
pauses before commenting to leave you lots of adoring
and 
s...
proceeds to comment:
when noise once again
becomes a friend
& each time a perfect word fucks my pen dry
wow. Those are definitely my favourite lines in this piece. I can't really say much that hasnt been said - you already know you leave me utterly speechless. -
I'd be honored, my darling J to have a bit of my piece on your author's page...and please let know how when a second part to 'Drop' will be complete...I can't WAIT to read it!
-
oh christ darcy. you've done it with this one. ome of the best fucking pieces i have ever read...hands down.
i wish i could fucking write like you. it would mean so much more.
mind if i steal a piece of this for the authors page?
J
oh by the way...im working on a second part to 'drop'. just thought i'd let you know in case you were interested. -
stop putting me to shame
-
this is so beautiful!!!
really, the imageries, the way you were able to "substitute" these words and make yourself come alive!!! haha, wah, i could try quoting my fave lines but there are just so many of them @.@ omg, thank you for this really...
-
Stop TAUNTING me with your ability to constantly spew out awesome poems! ARRGHHHFFRGK I've got zero poetic ability right now =( anywho, awesomapoem.
"each time a perfect word fucks my pen dry" meow -
nothing to say that hasb't already been said. amazing, such fresh different descriptive-ness.
you thoroughly deserve every comment and applause! -
It makes me smile, pause and tilt my head. Then I make my fingers into a little spyglass.. kind of like when I look at Art trying to see all the individual paint drops that make up each individual little scene and when I've had enough of that I back away to look at the whole but unable to forget seeing the tiniest little necessary color splotches that made up a slant of light or a streak in an eye pupil.
Gorgeous. I love it here. Thank you.
Lisa
-
LMAO...oh you are so cute...can I put you in my spare Bell Jar? And never you mind about trying to understand...it's gibberish that I don't even get.
THANKS! -
If I could be re-born, I'd choose to be born with a brain that could understand this kind of amazing poetry .. I read, and re-read; trying to get a glimmer .. hoping, beyond hope that something will sink in, because the words sound so amazing and I know that if I could only understand I would know it would be wonderful ..if only ...
-
when i can be scooped up in small handfuls
like loaves of madonna bread
when noise once again
becomes a friend
& each time a perfect word fucks my pen dry.
That last line just took moments of thought right out of me. So many times I have been left in silence of what should follow when I'm defining moments. This would have been perfect for me on Saturday my dear. Awesome!
Loved the way you described God as being a towel boy also. He's always there with his angels gathering our tears. -
must comment....can't..find...words
lovely, really
-
Powerful painted imagery of a mood, endless and yet shared brilliantly in a mysteriously mystical way...
Favorite part was...
but if I had my druthers
this is how
if god were my towel boy
i’d be remembered
just a vagrant gray white cat
fuzzed and loose-jointed
quietly strolling through simple sunlight
Perhaps god is a towel boy at times, endlessly wringing the old towels out and passing them on to the next person...
Beautiful imagery, painful yet consumed in grace.
Edited on May 03, 9:41 p.m. because ''. -
Amazing poem, oh so angsty and bitter. Hats off to you.
-
You're a cool person.
Everything has inveitably been said.
Just giving acknowledgement of another fan. -
this is my second visit today... i tried to comment but could not find the words... and i sit here quiet a second time in awe of your brilliance...
billy -
Magnificent
I do not know of my comment could do this justice. But I have to say that I was reminded of Tori Amos with the reference of Pele... I can feel alot of frustration.. painfully poised behind the beautiful force of your words. Artfully written! Your word choice is highly illustrative and opens windows into visual worlds which warp one to the next. "Simple sunlight" *wipes tear* I wish I could write this good! -
uhhhhhhhhhhh ummmmmmmmmmmmmm lol hmmmmmmmm this write is indeed very powerful and throws the reader in a loop with the line stanza that says: "but you can beg only so much of ripe august
from hands fashioned in late october
and i was left to cut christ cookies
in a kitchen scented like mother
who slipped away like an adult miscarriage
on the night i realized all men were bastards
stealers of peaches
even the canned kinds"...that alone is too funny but thats just my opinion but anyways the structure was absolutely great and i really enjoyed reading this keep up the good work -
the word "fuzzed" and the mention of Pele just won you bookoo points from me. lol. Both in a poem together... le sigh. Except you think I'M obscure? Psh. Yeah... right.
-
"...a perfect word fucks my pen dry." Yes. I'm shy of perfect words, because I'm afraid of just that: that after the perfect word, no more words will come. Still, I can't help but want it.
Lots of near-perfect words in this poem. I'd say "perfect" but that might jinx the pen, who knows.... Anyhow, a most pleasurable read.
-
Oh hell, Mr. Tooni...you know my bauber wouldn't miss a chance at cigars, cognac and a chance to banter with a kindred spirit like you. It's that and the fact he doesn't trust you near me even if I wore iron underwear... 'Cause everyone knows I love a witty-ass man!
-
lol...
q: what do you call 20,000 lawyers laying on the bottom of the ocean?
a: a good start.
i got the booze, you bring the smoke (and billy, too, if you have to)
-
BRING IT ON! My people will get back to your people...and after they kill each other, we'll go toast Buk with cognac and cigars.
-
i'll have you know that your neglect of capital letters is an infringement of a patented martooni technique and you'll be hearing from my lawyers shortly (as soon as they finish stabbing each other in the back).
i'm impressed, but i shouldn't be, because i've come to expect this level of skill from you. but i am. so there. now go write another one. -
...ok, i loved this. and im so annoyed right now!! ok, so time to comment, ive tried to like 30 minutes ago, these fags keep annoying me!!
so this poem is damn damn conotatious! and if that aint a word, well fuck eh! to me it means that when i read line like:
a sickly oyster virgin with only a red muscle mouth
to shout i’d kiss pavement
if concrete could produce enough moisture
and i have clasped shallow plaster
i laugh my ass off and cough then say conotation...i dunno if thats a word in english lol, im sure it is, cos i dont wanna explain..yer yer im lazay! so this was dear damn god damn darn ass good!can i be ruder?, ill try lol, loved this! -
Wow..I'm not even sure of what to say. I'm not sure that there is anything I can say that hasn't already been stated. You have such an interesting and unique style, not to mention outstanding talent. I like that you weren't afraid to swear in the poem, it just added to the intensity of it. Awesome write, keep it up. I'll be reading.
-
I don't see this as a rant at all. This is poetry at its finest. It shows your reader how utterly difficult maturing into womanhood is and how utterly incapable of escaping that process becomes. The final stanza is absolutely incredible. I am awe struck.
Mary -
Complex yet tasty
This is a very cool poem. There is a lot of insight in the above comments but I feel this poem has a very surreal quality to it that explores areas of the subconscious that perhaps the writer is not even aware of. -
I don't even feel worthy enough to comment on this. Excellent write on all fronts. The only suggestion I have would be to maybe make some of your similes into straight metaphors, because similes tend to lack dramtic punch.
-
Not sure how unsexy it all is but to me it could be worse...This was written well but seems a bit more like a long rant then anything else really.
-
yeah.. I dared to do it for 27yrs.. and 2 heart attacks later.. I quit.. and in 2 months.. I'll have my first birthday.. they choke, they make us virgin~~on~~the~~ridiculous..
and then.. oyster mouths open and close.. puffin' and panting and it's not for the sexiness of it all.. but for the pride we have before we fall
Don't dare.. just do!!
~GILL~
Awesome write hun -
the dare seat... from that line on you had me hooked ~ a fantastic opening and wonderfully lush metaphors follow dripping from one pen i hope just never ever dries...
elaine
-
Unfortunately, I have not seen the first poem in this entry, though I undoubtedly will go back to do so. Somehow, I have this ungodly habit of having to comment first on your poems, which is more than intimidating Darcy. The first stanza plays off some interesting metaphors which to my mind relate to female sex -- particularly the line "a sickly oyster virgin with only a red muscle mouth," though the references to "the eggs that hummed" and "field far more fertile than I" also relate to that sentiment (the latter also noticeably employing a very good source of alliteration). The second stanza only re-affirms the powerful femininity of the poem through the image of mother, miscarriage, and the rather strong statement of "on the night i realized all men were bastards / stealers of peaches," which seems rooted in how males tend to steal virginity -- "peach" being a common complimentary metaphor used by men for women. You then enter into an interesting complex rhyme -- something I once saw you state you almost never explore -- using the words 'die," "survive," "cry," "dry" and 'i". Finally, there is a nice parable about the poet crying for admiration in the anonymity of a feline, strolling unconcerned 'through simple sunlight," which to me is another metaphor of self-awareness. A tough poem to decipher -- but a very rewarding exercise to try. Once again, a gem.
Adding your comment:
1 - 58 of 58
