Concrete visions
lying out the turn that's
so strong, it brings in the tide.
Secrets are open wounds
with nowhere to hide.
No sunlight to disguise
these scars that caught their eyes
and the pain that passed them by.
Don't cry.
Concrete visions
of streets that never end,
people turning away, who were
your only friends.
The sun is just as grey
as their faces that fade but
stay on this mind
that's grating away.
Concrete visions
of dried blood on harmed lips,
poisonous, sour,
meaningless drips.
Where everything turns
to damaging trips out that
cause your memories to
rack the cage inside the brain.
Concrete visions of
death ending the pain
built like a wall.
But really these visions
aren't concrete at all.
Author notes
Written May 2nd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- For Poets With Mental Health Issues by Mickie27.
400 points, ended June 9, 2005, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best ! by vasi.
700 points, ended March 10, 2007, 123 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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i like the rhyme pattern you used and the strength this holds. this gets to the meat of the issue. it shows reality but it is done with a sympathic tone and not a pitying one. thanks for entering.
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Love the overall metaphor and I liked the impact of this poem. It screams reality and that is what I liked most about the poem. You also seemed to describe depression really well, another high peak of this poem. Message me if you want your score. Thanks bye.
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My score... would be interesting to find out.
Thank you. skitz
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you've got a style that's caught my eye. I greatly enjoyed this work, a morbid tale of abandonment never ceases to impress me. good work, i'll be reading more of your poems.
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Oh wow ok thank you so much!!
Skitza
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I know... I am awarding points to the ones I like too- keep them, you earned them!
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Thanks lol but Mickie had already given me the points!! Can you take them back or should I send them??
Thanks again,
Skitza
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Congratulations on your honorable mention! I owe you some points!
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I liked the poetical qualities in this poem Skitza and feel that every time I read your poetry you move a long way and express a little more of yourself. I liked the fact you wrote this as an original the wording is great everything in this works very well. You have freedom in this yet your rhyme is also well controlled. I loved this poem and got a lot out of it.
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I've had old "friends" turn away from me, and recently. I realize now they weren't true friends as a true friend would never leave you in your time of need. They left me when I finally asked for a divorce from my abusive husband. They tried to talk me out of it saying "but he LOVES you" and other bs he obviously fed them. he fooled them for longer than he fooled me.
I'd have visions of either killing him or killing myself. After our 4 yr anniversary (which was several months waiting for him to sign the seperation agreement) I attempted suicide.
I'm glad I failed at that because now I've got a caring boyfriend, real friends who care, and a healthy baby on the way.
I still can relate to your poem, and you've written it quite well. Although you may suffer from depression, you manage to express yourself uniquely well.
Thanks for entering
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Thank you so much for your comment!! (and contest)!!
Skitza x
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Exact poem I was looking for! This poem is amazing and I can tottaly see what your saying.
"Concrete visions
of streets that never end,
people turning away, who were
your only friends."
That part got me the most. Since usually in this world you can't trust everyone. Good luck in my contest!
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Thanks! What is the truth though!? lol Skitza x
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That's so good! I especially love the end, so much truth in it! Love ya xxx
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