My head is spinning ,
I'm down in the dumps
i don't no what to do because my head thumps,
i bury this body as my heart thumps.
Until my life ends I'll never forget,
the first day we ever met.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Short and simple. A nice collection of thoughts, well done! Great job
Lauren x -
tnx
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Aww beth this is so sweet yeh i agree with Helen, maybe if you could think of another word for 'thumps' so oyu dont use it twice. What about 'bumps'? Anyway its so lovely. i cant believe my lil cousin is growin up so fast
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thnxz if u ave a word that u think would be better plz could u let me no thnxz
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Aww this is such a cute little poem, I only have one little criticism - the repetition of the word "thumps" ... but I think it's only because i'm odd and don't like repeating the last word of a line, sorry. Keep at it!
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thanks but i dnt think that im better than u yet but more still to come lol
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Aw beth this is sooo good Masha'Allah. you say ur crap n you write stuff like this!! Keep writing poetry beth cause ur really good at it! much betta then me ^_^
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A great whirlwind of thoughts and feelings beautifully written down with nice rhyming that creates atmosphere.
Great piece!
Lady anairO
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