Copyright Mary J. Neu
A contest entry
- Give Me Hope by Raelin.
300 points, ended October 15, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *Intelligent title goes here* by masky.
1800 points, ended April 15, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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i love this! it really shows you how much he really cares even though we try to throw away blessings time and time again he comes back and gives you blessings it's truly good to know hes watching over you.
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What is a more beautiful topic than God's forgiveness? I truly needed to read this one again, as I've been over going some faith tests in this past few weeks...hope shattered, I almost gave up on believing. But, reading this gave me hope again...this glass can still be fixed!
As for the actual structure of the poem. Let's seeee...
I would have some things to correct.
In this line, I would add something, like this:
"I broke it with more false witness; But my heart, still, not enough"
For rhythm's sake
Also, there is something that, for the message, I think should be changed. I'll suggest and you decide if my suggestions were correct, okay?
"I want to undo everything I've done... still he; handed it to me"
I would rephrase it like this:
"I want to undo everything I've done!...so he handed it to me"
The "still" changes the meaning of the line, and the semi column has no use there.
Besides that - congrats, you made it to the finalists' list!
Oh, and also...favorite lines:
"I threw it again; I must get away, I said I ran
But God stayed within me; Why? I said.
Because I love you he said and once again he handed me the glass."
Nothing else (really) matters!
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Thanks for all the advice hun, but this poem is already published on page 1 of "Invoking the Muse"
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So Beautiful ...
God's forgiveness ... a good reminder. God forgives us unconditionally, but we sometimes find it hard to forgive ourselves. I like the way the poem "build up" and the way you changed the rhythm.
Liked these lines the most:
"Yet still he fixed the glass; The scars deeply driven
I still threw the glass; more scars unforgiven"
See you have a lot of poems posted, will read time in good time. Take care, Rach.
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This is really well written
I really like this. It was publushed? Wow. I really understand it. How everyone takes things for granted. They just keep ruining what God gives them. Thankyou for a wonderful read.
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We bleed throughout the flesh but never throughout the soul. If your soul is broken, you're dead, you cannot be revived. I like your piece.
"I want to undo everything I've done... still he; handed it to me"
Anything that illustrates God, the first letter is to be capitalized.
Still He; handed it to me.
I like the flow.
We are rebellious little children. Keep that in mind.
A good mother and father is always there to protect.
I can relate.
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fantastic. I loved the way you did this. It was a wonderful metaphor. God is a forgiving god and he loves us no matter what. he is there for us. He know we have sinful tendency but he forgives.He will never leave us.People in the world can leaves but God never will. He gave us his son so that we all can have forgiveness of our sin.It is a wonderful opportunity for us to show we appreciate it.But he is alway there ready to listen.A love that surpasses any love.great write!!!!!!!!!!!
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thanks for reading my writes these two poems I wrote way back when I was 18.. this one and my pet bag...
I love your comment!
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a lovely metaphore. i love how compare our rightousness to a glass. our constant sinning is like the breaking of a glass, and only God can fix it. but luckily no matter how many times we break the glasss, jesus made the great fix by dying on the cross. a wonderful poem. thanks for sharing
Good write and God Bless
The unrequited writer
Ben b. -
It is wonderful that our God is patient and never gives up on us. This is wonderfully penned and crafted with thought provoking words to ponder... I can see why it was published...
Blessings,
Frogz~
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A beautiful write and message. Excellent imagery, flow and tone. Lovely metaphor. Vivid descriptives. Very good word choice. You paint a wonderful picture of God and His unconditional love for his children. Well crafted and a most enjoyable read.
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A great write.I enjoyed the read.It was fun to read.Just loved the way this poem flows.Keep writing!!!
God Bless You
Josh -
Thank you for reading
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A very well written piece. Thank you for enteing and good luck.
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Nope. God is a wrathful prick who's only pleasure comes from tormenting humans. Why else would he have allowed sin into the world and not just killed the serpentbefore it got to Eve? It's because he sucks. Hell is where the good times roll. Why would Satan punish those who did as he did? He loves his supporters and rewards them in the afterlife. Good poem, but I still say HAIL SATAN!
Mute Button -
I love your poem for it speaks so truthfully, about how we take him for granted, yet when we need him again he's there. No matter what happens the lord will never leave you,you have to give up on him.I love it keep writting.
Brandy3 -
Thank you for entering the Survivor Series Poetry Island. We are reading poems and making lists .. We anticipate announcing the results of Round 1 early next week - Watch the Round 1 Column for the list.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
Cvillelisa, Desiree Darkk and Son of the Moon -
This was a terrific poem. God does have a way of forgiving us, even when it's hard to forgive ourselves. Thank you very much for entering and best of luck.
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On My Three Year Anniversary on Ap! by Josie 1 minute ago
Give me your absolute best and I'll give you 500 points! No questions asked
Hey Josie: I finally figured out how to get to the authors that you suggested. Thank you for the contest and have a great day. I commented on her poem about friends. (edit?)
On Friends Here Today And Then Gone by Rose Patrick 4 minutes ago
Friends Here Today And Then Gone
Friends that you stand by no matter what.
Good Job; I am glad that you shared your work about friends. Thank you for sharing your feelings about friends
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Great
I also enjoyed this poem. It does indeed show how fickle man/woman can be but God accepts the blemishes we all have.
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Thank you for the greeting. I really love poetry and this site is wonderful. How do I check the Allwrite ezine as I am just becoming familiar on how to work this site. THank you
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This poem reminded me of the "deals" I would make with God. If He would do this or that(hand me the glass), I promised I would serve Him. That lasted about half a second(breaking the glass).
I'm just glad He is so persistent and doesn't give up on us
I thought this was great! -
nice
thats an interesnting poem great imagination -
Its amazing how we can feel so unworthy of God's love and acceptence yet He feels as though we are. His unconditional love and acceptence is what gets us all through this hectic world. Nicely penned. Writing is such a wonderful form of expression and a great outlet for the things we all hold inside. I am so glad you have chosen Allpoetry as the place to share your talent. I encourage you to wander around and become familiar with all the wonderful features we have here. There are so many writing groups and contests and even online classes that you can become a part of here at Allpoetry. As a site greeter I would just like to take this opportunity to welcome you to our community of poets and encourage you to check out our latest AllWrite ezine. www.allpoetry.com:2500/march/published/HomePage
♥Christina
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