Laying beside you
I watched the way
your chest heaved,
when your right hand
cupped your breast,
and last week you said
you no longer felt
or had such needs.
Only tonight, we talked
about our dreams
how most of which we
can’t seem to remember
It was all I could do,
I wanted so much
to kiss that soft spot
beneath your ear.
But even now
you won’t remember
the way you
turned your back.
Author notes
Written April 29th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This one hits home with me... this is real.
And not an easy one to write either I'm sure.
Strong and emotional poem, no clutter... you get right down to the bone of it.
Excellent !
~ Wendy
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An old couple? I guess that depends on and is relative to many influences. I believe I'm as old as I feel and on most days that's old. Other days I have my head within opal clouds and am replenished by the soft tones of my dreams. Thanks for commenting
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Hm... interesting observing view... sounds like an old couple, but my stupidity is appalling at times, so don't pay attention to my petty comments. Intriguing poem though, and I hope to read more of your work soon.
Keep writing, Miji -
This is beautifully written but cuttingly sad. A perfect portrayal of a thought process which runs while watching someone you love.
Blkwidow is very insightful : "the greatest loneliness that one can feel.... is to be right next to the person you miss most, and not be able to have them"
It s truly the most painful feeling.
Polly -
This had the soft mournfully pace of one's whispering thoughts. I felt your need to be close, yet you can't be. Not for lacking of trying but because of the invisible wall.
Hasn't it been said, that the greatest loneliness that one can feel.... is to be right next to the person you miss most, and not be able to have them?
You brought that across well. -
This is so sad. I liked what Pamela said about reading it slowly, quietly and aloud. I think sometimes we forget what we really need but our dreams often remind us or betray us. This was sweet in all it's sadness.
~Lyrical
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This had the soft mournfully pace of one's whispering thoughts. I felt your need to be close, yet you can't be. Not for lacking of trying but because of the invisible wall.
Hasn't it been said, that the greatest loneliness that one can feel.... is to be right next to the person you miss most, and not be able to have them?
You brought that across well. -
Poignant and sad
You know I have two theories on this.One is that the woman has Alzheimers or has gotten to the point where nature has robbed her of her passion. With me it was the hysterectomy and all that radiation and surgery. But this is nevertheless sad. -
Awww, this is so sweet. I agree with Pam, our inner needs always manage to betray what it is we verbally say. Kind of like the saying of your actions speaker louder then your words. This is very beautiful and has such wonderful imagery penned into each carefully picked word you used. Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent.
s
♥Christina -
Excellent
~sigh~ I loved this the first time I read it and still do. It is so vivid from the observers point of view. Those moments when our inner needs betray our daylight words. Beautifully penned. This too needs be read slowly, quietly, and aloud. Loved this so much. Thank you for sharing it here. ~Pam
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