Limp hands
traced the path of each line
that marred his stardust skin.
His callused fingertips
followed the trails that left marks
similar to foreign lines
on an abused white canvas.
Heavy lids failed
to open and make him see
that which is cutting through him.
And with one last gutteral moan
escaping his sewn lips,
his bone tired body
collapsed on the stone ground
like a fallen marionette
with its strings tied upon itself.
Author notes
i hate liars... this is my personal view on what would happen to them (figuratively 
not literally) sooner or later. (i used photo 3 allpoetrytoppo
Different is good. 
Written April 29th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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That certainly is vivid. I'm glad youre speaking figuratively, or else I would fear for your mental health. Don't listen to the voices. Anyway, I agree with you that liars injure themselves. You've actually reminded me of The Brothers Karamazov (which is about the highest compliment I can pay anyone) : "The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself."
Such a great book. Such a good poem.
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A very vivid and descriptive write. I agree with your view, it seems like a very good and cruel idea! Thanks for entering and following the rules.
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Excellant and fun
A very unique and original view of liars, however, it might be nice to just shink them and let them fend for themselves. lol
I liked the imagery and flow/rythm of the words. -
good
i love ur poem. i know a couple of people that can relate to it. -
this is a deep poem but i also agree with you.
this certainly should be done to liars.lol
one little thing. may be think of putting a commor on the end of this line. only a suggestion.
"followed the trails that left marks(,)
similar to foreign lines"
anyway
well done
kat
xx -
Wow.. deep work.
I love the idea of the abused white canvas.
Fantastic!
It's a well written poem, deep and meaningful!
Well done.. love Aimee - xx -
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hahahhahaha...this poem is too cute...i agree with you on this...this should be what happens...what we cant always get what we want ya know...i would like to tell you that i am in LOVE with the line... "similar to foreign lines
on an abused white canvas", wow, so beautifully, great work -
Wow galing naman ni Rachel! Kumusta na kaibigan? This is really deep but descriptive. Great write. I am proud to be Pinoy! Eris
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Wow! Very descriptive!
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Soda! *hugs* This is great. I love it. I hate liars as well and this was full of great imagery. This truely was a great poem. Good job.
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Bravo
To lie is to condem yourself to the glares and downcast looks of those who once held you in their trust. Well done on this piece, and I can see why you would take the hardest one. It's quite often the one from which your best pours. Well done and bravo -
The way you justified the deed in this was genius...sweet write
Peace Muddy -
Wow. I'm in awe. You nailed that one.
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great
Wow! I really love this poem. The imagrey is fantastic. I love the descriptors you chose. Great write, keep it up.
I especially love these verses:
"His callused fingertips
followed the trails that left marks
similar to foreign lines
on an abused white canvas." -
Desctiptive-veeeeery descriptive , I can't say I'm positive about what this is about without looking at the authors comments , anyway I liked the under-used words that were put into this , it brought out the poem to me , I lked the whole thing-no certin lines in specific were the best-truely powerfull write.
-Brad
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wow
Wow Soda This is ammmmmazing! The depth is unbelievable and the vivid images in just, Wow.. So.. Inspiring. This has really left me speechless, But in a remarkable way. This was just so amazingly powerful, I loved it.
Heavens Tragedy
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Stardust skin, abused canvas? Those are remarkable, I haven't read anything this good since....EVER!! lol....This is beautiful Sodie, no one could pull this off the way you do...Actually, no one else could pull this off...AT ALL. This entire thing is just so....splendid, yet sad. I love the emotion, it really comes out in this one. It just...captivated me....I love it.... Thank you for blessing my eyes with this
----Shady
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his bone tired body
collapsed on the stone ground
like a fallen marionette
with its strings tied upon itself.
Omg Rach, you have some real talent!!!! This is by far the best piece you have written so far!!! Great write and keep it!! -
Outstanding write soda with very vivid imagery, expecially the comparison to a "fallen marionette." Great use of vocabulary (I had to look up words in the dictionary)! It created a very dark and mysterious atmosphere. An amazing piece...
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Rachel,
Before getting to the poem itself, there are some things I need to say. You are quite the interesting person. You remind me of Jun (from Big Brother). She was a contestant a few summers back, and even resembled you a bit. You have this great persona to you- comical and bubbly. It is really something that I think could bring you far.
I had to laugh when I saw this picture. I knew I had to assign it to you. I figured if anyone could pull it off it'd be you. Surely, you went for it and took the more difficult route. I must applaud you for that.
I am pleased that you have put your own twist on this picture. You saw past the zaniness, and found a metaphorical meaning. I was hoping that there would be a few that would do that.
"like a fallen marionette
with its strings tied upon itself."
Amazing visual. I really have some weird affection for marionettes... they seem a bit weird, you know? You bringing them into the poem was a perfect fit.
Great job.
Justin -
Stupendious write you write this poem with emotion and thought and thats what alot of readers want to read great job!!
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good job
This was an excellent write, it said alot, and the vocabulary used in this was very intellectual and quite breathtaking. I have two comments for you however, not about the quality of the poem. I suggest that you atleast copy and paste a link to the picture, so there will be less transition between reading the poem and looking at the picture, therefore the poem will stand out more. Also, it may just be the format of my computer, but the beginning of each line is extremely difficult to read because of the background, so I'd change this because if somebody is straining to hard to see what the word is, than the words themselves might not sink in quite as deeply, lata tata, crackertl82, thanks for your comment by the way
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