I wrote you this letter
And it comes from my heart
I wanted to tell you
Just how true my love was
I want you to love me
The way that I love you
But I know you never will
I realize this each night
As the blood and tears dry
I drift into deep sleep
Just wishing that I'd die
I wake up each morning
Missing you still
I'd give up anything
To hear you tell me
"I love you."
Author notes
...This was inspired by my ex-bf...and yea...so what did you think?
Written April 28th, 2005
A contest entry
- A Poetry Contest II by -BlackKnight-.
416 points, ended July 13, 2005, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
To be honest, I find it hard to believe that you're having a hard time finding things to write about. There are countless emotions, limitless sights in nature, boundless human experiences to write about, yet, for some reason, you don't allow yourself to write even the bare minimum. I understand that perhaps you're having difficulty figuring out how to write something, but you won't get any better if you don't write, and for all new writers, this means writing anything and everything that comes to mind until the "bad" poetry is replaced with "good" poetry.
I think this could use A LOT of description. This starts with a common base, of wanting someone to love you back, but this poem could be so much more.
"Just how true my love was"--How true was/is it? How did this love make you feel? Don't just tell me...show me. That's what poetry's all about!
"But I know you never will"--How can you tell? Were there signs to be seen? Was there a fading in his eyes, a distance in his personality from yours, a draining of positive expressions on his face? Again, don't just tell me...show me. Paint a mental picture in my head from what you see in yours, and if you do it right, any poem can take off into the Heavens.
"Just wishing that I'd die"--Why? This could be because of anything, but you're not showing the reader what it is that's causing this feeling. You're merely telling, and it's hurting the poem terribly.
"I'd give up anything"--What would you give up? A precious keepsake? Your mind? Yourself? What's so valuable to you that you're willing to give up in order to gain this person back?
I really do hope you get around to writing more, because I think you have a talent, but you rarely, if ever, use it. Thanks for entering, and good luck. -
Quite sad.You did a great job of expressing your emotions.Keep it up,I'd love to see more
-Jon -
Very nice. Kinda sad though. But i like it.
-
Wow...Very awesome sense of emotions here in this poem...It's so sad though. And remember no guy is worth the tears, if he isn't gonna love you the way you are...or whichever else. Most of them only are out for one thing and I've come to realize this from my instincts. I'm so sorry though that you got so deeply hurt by this guy... Thank you for sharing
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