GREY is always with me
Rebelling from within
Eager to burst
Yet locked up deep,GREY.
WOULD you be the one?
Obscene to you I know
Urging for the past
Love seemed to last
Devastating illusion,WOULD?
BE someone to 'love'
Escape the truth you see,BE.
THE fruit of love
Here to take
End the ignorance, it's poison, THE.
COLOUR of your eyes transformed
On the day of faking
Lay down, close your eyes
Out dream the past
Use it in a nice way
Repeat it till you're sick, COLOUR.
IF I had one, tears would run down
Fabulous IF!
I...I...I.
HAD you want it you would get it
Artful vomit
Die away lie, HAD.
A...A...A.
HEART I do not have
Embrace someone else
Alone at this point
Ruin it not, needles luggage
Turn away and hide, HEART.
Author notes
well i tried to do this one like tripple acrostic....
the regular, first and the last word in each stanca....hope you like it...
Written April 28th, 2005
A contest entry
- Experimental poetry by borut16.
333 points, ended May 5, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Long time I haven't seen you, and yet here I stand, again in amazement in your growth. Your language has jumped thoudseands oof strides and your metaphors are amazingly deep yet simple. We have not talked in a long toime... I hope that changes.
Don't be a stranger,
D.W. -
This is just great. Very experimental, but I loved it. It really gave it that extra ... 'Uhmph' .. If you know what I mean. <<; Plus, you used a line from a NIN song! .. "Something I Can Never Have" ... Beautiful song. I think it fits great with the tone of this poem, as well. ^ ^; Very nicely done.
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Very experimantal, I love it. So strong, just like you Rok. I love it, it is so inspirational. You always seem to amaze me. awesome write and good luck.
Love,
Belladonna -
ooh very classy i like acrostics, i was wondering why there was so much enjambment but hey i like enjambment anyways.
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thx for commenting on this piece
and yeah i felt that it didn't fit, you are right, but it was an idea,and maybe in another poem it could sound different and everything would add up and i like
good and bad comments,all are welcomed thx again
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Thats an unusual method of writing poetry, and I'd have to say that is the first time I've ever heard of, or seen it in use. In some cases I liked it, when it made reasonable sense to finish the stanza with the beginning word, but in others it seemed forced and like it didn't fit. Of course, I'm no expert so you'd probably be safer to ignore what I' saying...
I like the way that all the ideas tie together eventually however to create an overshdowing sense of grief or loss, even though they seem to be irrelevant at first. Nice piece
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oh johnny...such a sad write...it's good though...good luck in the contest...oh and a girl in my French class the other day was talking about having been to Slovinia before...she said it was awesome b/c of all the artists and designers etc ...peace
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wow great poem, i love the idea it was brillaint, the poem flowed very nicely well done and keep on writing x x x
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good flowege
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Wow this was really cool i liked it alot keep it up!!!
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That was a nice way of using acrostic and a strong and flowing poem, as well.
Thanks for entering my contest!
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