GREY is always with me
Rebelling from within
Eager to burst
Yet locked up deep,GREY.
WOULD you be the one?
Obscene to you I know
Urging for the past
Love seemed to last
Devastating illusion,WOULD?
BE someone to 'love'
Escape the truth you see,BE.
THE fruit of love
Here to take
End the ignorance, it's poison, THE.
COLOUR of your eyes transformed
On the day of faking
Lay down, close your eyes
Out dream the past
Use it in a nice way
Repeat it till you're sick, COLOUR.
IF I had one, tears would run down
Fucking IF!
I...I...I.
HAD you want it you would get it
Artful vomit
Die away lie, HAD.
A...A...A.
HEART I do not have
Embrace someone else
Alone at this point
Ruin it not, needles luggage
Turn away and hide, HEART.
Author notes
it got weird i know....
Written April 27th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is strange, but it is good, I have read this piece before, sorry it took so long to comment, I have so many to comment! keep up the great work!
Tiffany
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WOW!!!!! ROK!! This is so amazing!!! this was so great, I am totally loving the format, and everything about this poem. You did an amazing job, I love it, lol.. but weird is good!!
Take Care,
Jasmine
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it did get a little weird but good
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Really like NIN? WHich is what caught my eye, for I love that song! But beyond that, I really enjoyed this read. Very unique and I think put together well. Best wishes
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This is fantastic! There is a contest running that you really should enter it in. It has something to do with experimenting with unique forms or making up your own. Is this your own form or is it a legitimate form? I love it regardless! The only thing I wasn't too keen on were the words "fucking" and "vomit." They just don't fit the theme of this poem in my opinion. This is a beautiful and profound poem and those two words are rather abrasive. I got kinda disappointed when it took that turn. Other than that, as far as I'm concerned, this is top notch, publishable good work! Bravo!
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different
Not weird...interesting.. I enjoyed the format. Different..I would spell "Gray" as "Grey"..here we use "Gray" as a surname ..but being as we have different ideas about "weird" I could be wrong
Edited on Apr 27, 4:49 p.m. because 'error'. -
Wow... This is a VERY unique format to my eye. Did you just kinda make it up off the cuff, or was it prescribed somewhere? Anyway, I love the part about the tear. Wow. I TOTALLY feel that. And "ruin it not, needles luggage" ... very vague, but I think I caught that. This is very well written.
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