He knows not that
he has taken
my heart,
his unsmiling face
and wooden eyes
betray
the few things
he notices
about me.
These painted lips
would only
curve up
and resemble
the briefest shadow
of a smile
when his gaze
lights my way.
But it barely does
come my way,
and I am swallowed
in this dark pit
where I can trace
the outline of his
face and pepper it
with the few
fallen stars
that I have plucked
from the dark velvet skies.
He cannot see
it yet...
I cannot show him
and in my mind's eye,
I shall keep
that profile
and hang it with
the dying roses' thorns.
Author notes
i've fallen in and out of love... bittersweet... 
i long to fall again..
Written April 27th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hm. A nice, yet sad poem. I understand how it feels, as I'm sure most people do. It's a wonderful poem, structured perfectly. Good job.
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Very deep emotional write expressing the sadness when love doesn't work out. The imagery in this piece was fantastic. I especially liked the parts of the dark velvet sky and the dying rose thorns. It made me think of a dark gloom and sadness that may come over people when they go through a heartbreak. Anyway, good write. Be well.
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Oh wow. This hits too close to home. Hindi naman palaging ganito ang pag-ibig pero it seems that way sometimes, ano? You give it your all maski parang hindi nila nanonotice.
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wah, thank you very much!!! i like your suggestion, wah, i'll be doing it now (changing the word since it IS much better and it fits too
thank you so very much again! )
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very good
This was a pleasure to read. My only suggestion would be to change one word:
I shall keep that profile and frame it with the dying roses' thorns.
(change frame to hang - this would suggest that we can still get some use from our learnings of love)
Very well written.
John -
soda,pakipot ka pala!hahaha.
seriously,very touching and heatbreaking poem you have here.
the king of hearts has broken many a cards hearts.so beware. i adored this.truly.totally.you have all my aces. -
Wow! What else can I say?
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Soda..you chose all these wonderfully descriptive metaphors for feeling abandoned and unseen. There is so much pain and loss..frustration and sadness buried in the flow and feel. Great job, hun. Daoine
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WOW
"when his gaze
lights my way."
Excellent piece soda!!! honestly.
this was bee-auuuu-teee-ful!
Really original idea which caught my attention in the thick mist of your poems. To think you love the king of hearts is weird but extreemly poetic
I liked the links you did with he being King of &hearts hearts and also taking YOUR heart!!! lol
an awesome piece sodaaaz! can i call u that? LOL
Lady anairO -
About your last love hmmm?I agreee with DJ , lots of metaphors which made this perfect!Without comparing something to something else in this it wouldn't have been such a great read , well this was extremely well written , I'm off to check my comments now.
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Beautiful metaphors! Great imagery.
~ *DJ* ~
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