In recent years, three threads have formed my life
and dominated every waking thought.
They've caused me endless troubles: my true strife
was weaving them together, strong and taut.
I'm not an early riser: nonetheless,
I'd work to earn my keep. Then every night
there's study, or a wedding to impress
to plan. Hard work will get me there, all right.
And now, I start to sense the end is nigh,
the fruits from all my labour sweet and red.
I feel the summer sunshine on a high,
the day that never comes is just ahead.
A single step will start a thousand more,
and in my journey I've found joy galore.
Author notes
Sorry about life/strife! 
Written April 27th, 2005
A contest entry
- Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? by Dittany.
300 points, ended April 29, 2005, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I think this was an original poemm, which goes to show that our efforts do yield to satisfaction. I also like the sonnet form, especially the way you ended it:
"A single step will start a thousand more,
and in my journey I've found joy galore."
Positive and powerful. Nicely done! -
I've read through this 8 times now and must say that I like the thoughts and theme very much. Since I was married at 19 and then finished college finally at 28, I have some empathy for what's being described here. I really like the first stanza as it forms the basis for what's taking place and introduces things. I debated some about the 3 thread - two are obvious but is the third sleep or is it the end? Each works but I was just a little puzzled. I don't have a problem with life and strife. (since you're getting married I was surprised it wasn't "wife" there.) Maybe it's a difference in language usage but "true" is the word that I questioned as I read.
In the second stanza I was a little confused by the order of things. The study interposed between "earn my keep" and "Though it's hard, it's rotten pay." seems awkward because I have to ask if it's the study that's the rotten pay or is the inference that the work's hard and the pay is rotten?
Only thought for stanza 3 is a "but" rather than "and" to begin since you've just said there's no end in sight. The continuation with an "and" seems at cross purpose to the no end in sight.
Now, having picked and poked, I'll say what I probably should have said first. This is a fascinating write with good continuity and transitions. And, I like the way the couplet is so positive, after what might be taken as a very negative time. The 1st, 12th and 13 lines I really like. The pentameter is impeccable, as I would expect and the thoughts very clever and not predictable which makes it so interesting to read.
Wow, a long one for me here and it's 2:20 am and my eyes are a little bleary. Good luck in the contest. I saw that one but I'm swamped right now myself.
Paul -
A thoroughly excellent sonnet, Jobob. You maintained the iambic pentameter very neatly, with the upbeats and downbeats sounding just right. I do a lot of form poetry, but it's been a little while since I did a sonnet. If I didn't know better from others of your examples, I would have thought that this piece was simply exemplary of your normal preferred style, given its excellence. You should do very well in this contest. Moreover, I love the optimistic forward look of the piece, which seems to hint you will soon quite desevedly be Jobob PhD. Lovely poem.
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You've certainly gotten better at sonnets, particularly the iambic pentameter. This tells a nice story, and (overlooking the life/strife) is fairly original.
'The day that never comes is just ahead' Lovely line.
Though the first line of that phrase points to death, I don't sense it as much from the others.
I might not use 'thousand' two times so quickly there at the end.
The note on enjambment: I agree it isn't done as much in sonnet form, but I followed you nicely. I wouldn't change it.
Very nicely done.
Peace,
Lo
CA -
This is an extremely inspiring poem. I love the sense of effort then gratitude. My only suggestion is that I feel like the meter is broken when you end sentences in the middle of line. You can fix or not... but good luck!
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