There was a girl
That tasted like oranges
A boy who tasted of strawberries
They both sparkled like champagne
And were very much in love
Problems arose when
Truth came into play
His mouth was
A ripped slit of flesh
The sting of citrus
Was too painful for him to handle
And she preferred
The taste of rain
Sweet sadness came to them
As they rotted away
Author notes
Death, Before Dishonor
Written August 17th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Torn Hearts by Shadow Seraphim.
300 points, ended August 12, 2006, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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sad , andd yet almost humerous, very interested.....
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Fruits, very interesting way of convaying the sadness. Thanks for entering it.
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Hi, interesting little poem and liked the feel very much, good flow, liked the way you did the comparisons, should do very well this poem, all the best, hugs Di
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It's my favorite poem. *giggles*
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I <3's this one I always have.
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Iiiiinteresting
veeery interesting way of showing how love hurts for those who can't stand it...I applaud you, I like it, but I still think it's kinda weird, so you get an extra star and a pudding cake
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This is a great little poem. I love the uniqueness of it. Quite cute actually, though the ending was sad. Great job on this one.
~Nikki (La Belle Morte) -
Sad. Very unique way to express a love. I don't know what it was exactly that I liked about it. The only problem I had with it was the ending. It was like.. rrraaaaAAAAHHH!bam. A little disappointed but it was a good poem nonetheless.
__lid XoxO -
this poem is so sad yet i really loved it nice write keep up the good posting good luck in the contest.......................................rock on krystle..
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great
I like a poem that rendezvous wrote for a previous contest and wanted to see what kind of poems she might like. This is very impressive. I love the imagery, light playful at times with a hint of darker intensity. Well I can't describe it properly without sounding like a bad sommelier. fruity but decadent
Anyway as others have commented it is very unique. Yet, it resonates with all the force of universal truth. It is one thing to write a unique poem about your ode to a favorite custodian something most would never write about. Transforming a topic such as love and making it both fresh and delightful is very impressive. Thanks for sharing.
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Oh my, this was good! Some poems hit you at the right time, in the right way, with all the right words & this is definitely one of them. Consider it bookmarked! My applause to you.
Thanks for the entry.
~jen -
aww thats sad. i loved it!! great write and good luck!!!
~Tiffany -
This is a very striking poem. Dense (and I mean that in a good way), dark and mysterious. Above all, very sad. I enjoyed reading it.
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I really like that I can see this image so clear....I can taste the sting of the orange.
Well Done!
Deena
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this is very original. i don't think i have ever seen anything like this before
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this piece is exeptionally unique....which is what i liked so much about it...something seroius..shown through something made lite in a truthful way....i liked the part..about when truth came into play...all i can say to this poem is amen
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