± My halo is a hula hoop ±
± My prayer is a scare ±
± My buckle is a burning loop ±
± My life's a sex nightmare ±
± My haircut is two thorny horns ±
± My eyes are shards of red ±
± My conscience is a voice that scorns ±
± My guilt radar is dead ±
± My fingers are a' dripping sweat ±
± My tongue, it reeks of rum ±
± My apathy is what you get ±
± My song is what you hum ±
± My sight is of a sea of black ±
± My heart, it knows no pace ±
± My hard-on stabs you in the back ±
± My foot steps on your face ±
± My bitterness, it tastes so sweet ±
± My smile's broke in two ±
± My laughter broils in the street ±
± My tears swell up in you ±
± My rage, it ripens in your fist ±
± My soul's a part of you ±
± My knife, it dances on your wrist ±
± My dear... ±
± You know what to do ±
Author notes
I was going for...... something "Dark" and somewhere along the line I transformed into Satan. Let's just pretend I was a slave to a higher evil and this is what came of it.
This was an entry in the contest: allpoetry.com/Contest/1218431
Written April 26th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- ~ f a e r i e's Thankyou Contest ~ by antique.
300 points, ended May 2, 2005, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I had actually read this a while ago and had remembered it, so I decided to come and find it again! I'm pleased to say it did not disappoint me in the slightest, I love it as much now as I did back then!
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This is decent but not as good as the last. But the good thing here - and I've seen it in a couple of your poems, now - is the climax. This, to me, is kind of an average poem, but you lift it up with the climax, which is well done and sends a thrill of fear up one's spine. All in all, not bad (and a great climax!) - oce
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The last stanza is especially brutal. But I love the entire thing, especially the way the devil comes to inhabit the person he's addressing. Good write as always.
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Hiya babe!
This is f***king awesome!
I think you are a amazing poet!
I don't think I have ever read anything as amazing as this!
You have a gr8 talent!
I think that you have a extreamlly good chance of wining this contest!
All my best!
God Bless!
XxSarahxX AKA XxJellyBeanxX AKA XxSingle GirlxX -
I Love the rhymes in this poem!!! keep writing! and good luck in the contest!
-lolo -
Wow, umm, awesome poem... i think it helps that im quite partial to satan though, haha. But seriously, it is really good, i love the sort of, i dunno, sense of bitter sarcasm sort of... i dont know how to describe it really, but nonetheless, awesome poem, keep up the great work
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I'll admit, when I clicked on this in the Featured box I expected it to be another cliche dark poem. Being a Christian I'm not one for being all Satan-ish for lack of a better word lol, but this was good. The rhyming and flow were great and any poem that can keep me reading (with the short attention span that I have) is a good poem!
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Sick!!!
Whoa!!! All I can say is WHOA !!! I don't think there is anything to say besides that. I'm blown away, but I do know the devil never could write a love song. -
Damn. This is great. And the last line almost makes me to want to go and pick up a knife...
You know, this would actually make a really good song. This whole poem is so creative and orginal, even though this topic is really popular. And unlike most "dark" poems, this didn't make me want to bang my head against the wall.
BTW: I absolutley love the pic and your first line. -
Wow I like yhis write! It's like nothing I have ever seen! it's so cool! it intreged me! awasome!
Good job!
Angel -
Great job! I love it when you write poems like this!!! You have a way of making words take on different meanings, and I love reading your work. I read it several times, and find something different that I like every time. Great work!!!
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Wow... you have turned this into the most awesome dark poem I have ever read!!! There are so many that are all the same.. but this is the excetional, the extrordinary and the off the wall creative aspect of a mind that is destined to be a great artist. This piece is excellent (I know, I use that word a lot )
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My favorite line too! I sat here writing and rewriting and rewriting that first line until it was something I could take off from.... and that was the big winner.
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omg, this is scary and creative and full of imageries all at the same time! i have to agree with justin that my fave line is the one with the hoola hoop and that you come up with original lines x.x it's really... freaky how satan could just pretend to be someone we know, and, well, even someone we trust or something x.x this is a wonderful read, i'm glad i came across with this
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...you'd make an awesome playwrite, if you can just pull on these roles so easily!
gave me the chills, you creep!
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Big fan of your work, Greg.. big fan.
This piece, as always, justifies why. You always come up with such original lines. My absolute favorite was the one about your halo being a hoola hoop. I can't even say why it jumped out at me the way it did, but nevertheless it caught my attention. You deserve a trophy for this.
Justin -
oh my gosh
loads of crude words
though m not much for dark poems
but yeh this one was with lots of pain it
keep going
ankita
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