Out along the edges there lies
A single speck of creation.
It struggles to reach for some help,
But does not grasp the relation
Of what is proper in other eyes.
So, it struggles all alone,
Soul-searching deep within itself
Searching out sins for which to atone.
Now as it creeps inward, reaching far,
It cannot see the path down the road.
It travels slowly, hoping for aid:
Someone to come and help ease the load.
But, alas, there is no one willing, able
To pick up a simple mote of life;
To brush off the blood from outer wounds
Or soothe the turmoil of inner strife.
Now the road is moving swifter;
The speck is drawn within the spiral.
As it spins faster, out of control
The realization dawns that life is a trial.
Twisting further in its downward journey,
Control is wrested from its grasp.
The imminence of impending doom,
The proximity draws a gasp.
And now the spiral closes tighter;
As it narrows it chokes the soul.
The realization all is for naught
As life slowly slips down a hole.
Yet a glimmer of hope appears
As life drains out like hourglass sand;
For a force of love is reaching
Catching life with a steady hand.
Then the spiral, spinning, ceaseless
Is but the course that all have trod,
Leading from the low beginnings
And ends here standing before God.
All created choose what they will,
But, answer for the choice they make.
Eternity is exquisitely unending
Or a nightmare from which you never wake.
Author notes
I have no idea where this comes from, except God.
Written April 26th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Did not catch the line limit. You are my kind of host: one who sticks to the rules they made. Not enough of you out there.
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Awesome...
This is a great piece of work my friend. I really was caught in the extraordinary experience. Unfortunately, it does not meet the contest criteria of maximum 25 lines. I hope you will understand for the sake of fairness to other participants.
Sorry!
Cheers
JP -
Sort of my answer to those who argue about God. I believe they can make any choice they want. But, at the end of the day, they will have to answer for it. My own sweet revenge. LOL
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outstanding
This is simply outstanding! Especially that last stanza and it rang so true. I too, had to read this twice and I'm glad I did. You have captured something here and threw it back out just like it is! Bravo! Bravo and Bravo!
I especially liked the lines:
All created chose what they will,
but answer for the choice they make.
That's hitting the nail square on the head and driving it home!
Great writing! ~Frog
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Ps. Came back to read this again, I thought it was on my list, this is a great poem my friend and reads even better the second time, hugs Di
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I think this started as a contest poem. The word was eternity, but I went a different direction. Since it was almost completed, I went ahead and finished it. It still makes a point.
Thanks
Edited on Sep 26, 4:55 because ''. -
This gave me goose bumps, it was as if I was reading something about myself and the inner me, this is a lovely poem, the feeling I get from it is the desperation of being understood, we live in a world where saying how you feel is accepted by few, I would rather have a person who gives it to me how it is, and does not pussy foot around with hypercritical bull shit, not to menterly rape the person but to be honest, I often feel I am a freak of nature,great write my friend, hugs Di
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Thank you, all, for the nice comments. I am glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate the reads and the comments very much. Again, thank you.
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this was a very amazing write, i enjoyed reading this peice very much, i hope to read more of your work in the very near future, also i would like to wish you luck on any up and coming writes that you may have in the future, please have a wonderful day,,cya later!!
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WOWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
This is awesome! Great wording, and magneficent imagery and similitarity down or should i say comparisons. Keep up the fantastic work! -
This is a trippy poem, and I like it! How you relate to a speck in a spiral to humans in everyday life...good job
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wow. I love this poem! Great wording. I love how your words just flow out like a breeze. Beautiful work!
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Perfect
Waw! Great poem! It has a strong "heart" in the following verses:
........
And now the spiral closes tighter;
As it narrows it chokes the soul.
The realization all is for naught
As life slowly slips down a hole.
Yet a glimmer of hope appears
As life drains out like hourglass sand;
For a force of love is reaching
Catching life with a steady hand.
........
It is almost a story...
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