You see, she walked past
the drains, head burning
face gurning in her
mother fucker vest
just rest 'til you know best which
foot should over take the next
after her show of arse
lacking class
and retching out the Micky Dees
bought just a smile ago
Elly woke, thirsty
in the gutter,
mouth full of stutter
and a 'for fucks sake' on her mind.
Sailing unsteady she walked
as though she was in a storm
guts torn
and the drugs sending snow into
her eyes.
The rush-hour traffic glides past
as she checks her tresses
replaces the stresses
and walks into the garden gate.
'16, got mixed up, kicked outta the home
and drew in a bad crowd,
good looking boy on the disco floor
gave her more than a kiss goodnight
now she fights to breathe
with a hand kindling her neck
and a foot walking across her back
and the needles, each an illusion,
an idle tour,
A definitive of hollow smells
and subtle anger.
'Brain me, brain me now you little fuck!
One more blow to the head, God I want to be dead.'
It came as quick as silver
sliced into the spine.
Three years she went down for -
Manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.
Author notes
dunno if this is what you mean
Written April 25th, 2005
A contest entry
- story poems by .
300 points, ended May 2, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Damn! This has everything I look for in a poem: imagery, sounds (like internal rhyme), economy, sharp but understated emotion. It's just spectacular.
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Aww shucks, guess if I had put that all this happened above a chinese take away it would have seemed implausable but it's all true, they do a wonderful lemon chicken there.
To be honest I felt I should have given this more time, revised it a tad here and there.
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This is one of those times when I re read a piece entered in a contest and think to myself I might have made an error and why didn't this take a cup, it's most excellent and it's got Mickey Dees and then I realized that it's too descriptive which really makes it too good for this contest so sue me. I love it.
I was a little shocked at your language (and aroused) that you would say the f word several times, so unlike spidey.
I'm going to feature this on my page.
Desiree
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Holy Shit! Did this just slap me?
This piece is intense! The imagery bogged me down a bit, sort of taking me upon a spiral, landing on one knee against the concrete and the blood gushed out and the mind screamed "Finally"! Reality tends to slap you as such doesn't it? This one is a hard hitter! Can't escape it once you start delving into it and though the horror of it repels, you can't let go until the end. Takes your breath! Brilliant Jules! Bravo!
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