I'm not worth nothing
I'm not worth *sh_t*
Walk right past
Go on, spit.
I don't care about me
I don't care what I am
I don't care about tomorrow
I don't care about my plans
I'm sitting here lonely
In my own little rut
Feeling sorry for myself
Dwelling in smut
Filthy to everyone
I can't get away
I want out of my skin
I can honestly say
I don't like who I am
I don't like my situations
The mess all around
Consumed by penetrations
I'm longing to be free
Away from myself
To get rid of the pain
and be rid of the filth
I can't seem to escape...
ME!
I just don't know why
And I'm overwhelmed by it all
All I can do is cry
I gotta get away
I need to escape
To be rid of myself
And be rid of the rape
To be rid of the pain
To be rid of the past
Banging my fists
Against shattered broken glass
Screaming inside
All *fu_kin* night
Why do I do this?
It isn't *fu_kin* right.
"Get over it"
I hear the stronger me say
Wake up
And start a new day
Pretend to be happy
Pretend to be fine
And go on without
Looking behind
I'm twisted in knots
But I'll say I'm OK
And *fu_k* all emotion
Till this just goes away.
Author notes
This was me in a rut feeling bad about myself and everything going on right after the car wreck when I blamed myself for the accident. I don't get in these ruts too often. BUT sometimes about 15% of the time I do.
Written April 13th, 2005
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Comments
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No, no no! You are not nothing!! I know what you're talking about, these ruts, for I do that sometimes. Sometimes I go into a depression for 1-2 weeks and I try not to interact with people as much as possible. I guess we just have to keep going on and know who we can rely on. I know now (just a feeling) that these ruts won't be happening as often with Chris there. That makes me happy
. Love you and great write...though I don't like the subject 
-whit -
Cris.. there are always times when we look into ourselves.. see what is really there and it's not always a nice picture to look at.. sometimes we have to learn to make new choices and grow.. I hope that you stand by your new ways and make being clean work for you.. it's worth every hard walk with it.. keep it up and you'll feel better soon
Look at me 2 heart attacks and still battling on.. even back on night shifts and bustin' a gut in work..
~GILL~xx
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