When I see the castle high on the hill
It looks lonely, sitting so still
The grey clouds floating high in the sky
Makes me wonder what's happening inside
No movement around it, that I can see
No birds in the air or rustling of leaves
No laughter of children playing in the yard
No happiness lies beyond its walls
It's alot like life when someone's alone
They baracade themselves within their homes
When outside the sky is blue
There are friends around and things to do
But in their minds they are convinced
That outside their walls lie the evil of men
They refuse to go out because they are scared
Of what they might see or breathe in the air
They convince themselves that inside they are safe
That no one can enter their mental gate
They won't open their doors to what may be outside
And within their castle they run and hide
It's a panic disorder by physcholgist name
And many suffer from it's unbearable pain
The picture of the castle upon the hill
Reminds me of the many that are suffering still
Author notes
Written April 21st, 2005
A contest entry
- Visual Inspiration #11 by Samplette.
300 points, ended April 22, 2005, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this poem is allsome its so beautiful it makes me want to cry
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I really liked this
I can tell that you gave this write a lot of thought and it is filled with a lot of feeling and much emotion. Excellent job Bertie.
Shelly
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This is a very thought provoking write. very nicely done. thank you for entering the contest.
S♠m
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Sounds like someone i know and i know you now what lonliness feels like and can cause many illnesses. But i will always love you Your best Harper Valley Fan.
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I think the rhyming's a bit too simple, and I guess "third-gradish" so it distracts from the poem. Plus the rhyming scheme seems to go all over the place, and this poem is a sad poem when you think about it, but the rhyming makes it seem so happily sappy. Other than that, I really like this poem. I think the last two stanzas are your best and strongest: I especially like the first line in the last stanza. It sounds like it could be in a song. Very lovely poem, actually the castle and your poem are a really good metaphor.
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I love the way you have described this so well you have put a lot of feelings into this and emotions and it reads really well. Really well described made me feel like I could touch the castle.
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