*\One night when moon was full and bright,
her demons took to shadows,
and Janie took a bite of death,
to swim through moonlit Meadows.
Four Quarters and another half,
and Janie was a mess,
walked aimless to the mid-night hour,
't was a graveyard that bought rest.
The revolution of fifty-seven souls,
each told a different tale,
of how they came to be here,
and join the endless wail.
She saw through fifty-seven pairs of eyes,
their anger turned it red,
adrenalin made her heart beat fast,
or 't was the voices in her head.
They filled her head with madness,
with ramblings of pain,
it seemed that she would not escape,
if so she'd be insane.
It was then that drizzle turned to rain,
and moonlight turned to dark,
as clouds and mist moved over head,
and through the death stained park,
she turned around to spot the reaper,
but only in a flash,
as when the lightning faded he was gone,
but she knew it wouldn't last.
She spun around to start to flee,
but her body froze with fright,
as she felt the ice cold reapers breath,
on her neck but very light.
he touched her on the shoulder,
and a million souls screamed loud,
but only for a second,
a sound of which he was certainly proud.
Her feet had carried her quickly,
without a conscious thought,
her only thought was not to fall,
and avoid being caught,
her heart was beating furiously,
she glanced for sign of danger,
but she yet could see nothing,
and that seemed even stranger.
She turned to help from nicotine,
but she couldn't light the match,
and as she stood there at the gates of hell,
her breath she couldn't catch.
The events of past danced through her head,
teasing all her thoughts,
she tried to organise her head,
but her mind she couldn't sought.
Unconsciousness was very near,
all she had to do is wait,
and she knew that this was not the end,
'cause her soul was still the bait.\*
Author notes
option 1 and the smokers and children shall be cast down
In a list
A contest entry
- Death,cutting, dark, bring it on!! by HisDarlingDisaster.
301 points, ended November 4, 2006, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INTO THE WOODS.... by DK akaLunaticSerene.
700 points, ended January 23, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stabbing Art To Death by I Am Gun.
450 points, ended May 15, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Rave Scene - Drugs - Music - Options (awesome) by LaurenLightning--x.
900 points, ended June 25, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ghost Writes by BabyBun.
380 points, ended August 18, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Great entry - thanks and best of luck.
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Oooh, I love this :]
The snatches of rhyme are just perfect, and really help with the flow of the poem.
I love the lines :
Four Quarters and another half,
and Janie was a mess,
Thank you for entering and good luck!! ^.^ -
wow i really liked this... i loved how you wrote it like a story... you drew me in right away, great job and good luck
chrissy -
It really touches my dark side. *hehehehehe* lol. This is really intense and i can really picture it in my head and im reading further and further into the poem. Good luck.
~tearsofblack~ -
wow... this is amazing. so creepy and trippy and just plain well drawn. i could see everything like a movie in my head, i could feel myself tensing as i read this. great rhyming and description and everything. thanks for entering! Jinx
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wow
wow, this poem is eerie... but i loved it!
good luck and thx for entering!
~*~Hailee~*~ -
wow. This was amazing...a very creepy poem! I love it! I love the part where the reaper touches her shoulder and all the souls cry out, how you say he was proud of that sound...
wonderful poem.
Thank you for entering my contest!
<3
molly -
VERY long
but i have read longer. Thanks for entering my contest. Stay cool and keep writing.
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wow! i REALLY liked this poem!! it was great one of the best o have read! ^-^
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Wow... a poem that I have read today that is actually more than decent... very nice job. It's good to see that there are still great poets who enjoy dark poetry. A few lines had a bit too many syllabals, but none too shabby. Great write and keep up the good work.
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that was a great poem. i really liked it. good luck in my contest.
Killer
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thanks
hello. Thanks so much for entering this frightening piece that made my hairs stand straight up. Nice image put in my head, great details. WEll thanks so much for entering and good luck
Kylee -
I really liked the lines "She turned to help from nicotine,
but she couldn't light the match,
and as she stood there at the gates of hell,
her breath she couldn't catch." It paints of a vivid image of
the panicked cmoker trying to light thier smoke. A common image, but you have described it in a unique and interesting way. I think this poem might be better expressed with longer lines. This way you will have more control and flexibility
with the meter and the stanza's will be shorter as a result.
There are those who dont like long lines because it doesn't look modern. I'm more interested in sound. And I use fairly long lines a lot.
Good luck in the contest! -
Ah hell! I was hoping he'd get her. Oh well, sooner or later he gets us all. I liked this poem, but everyone seems to escape the reaper in stories. I am trying to decide between a vampire story and a dragon. I think I will go with "Munching" if you allow two. Still need to reread. You have probably had your fill of vampire poems.
Andy -
I dunt like ur poem..i love hunn...well this poem is great...i kno u will suceed in life....cuz by this one poem..u can tho....well..im me if u like...to..i am bored..
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Great Work!
It went along well for most of the poem. But then it flagged a bit at the end. I sympathize with you there, for I do that myself a lot. But it was a great story. It held my attention throuout. Great Work! -
WOW! This is a very well written piece! With amazing imagery and such impressive detail. The flow and rhyme kept this reader hooked 'till the very end!! I really liked this dark tale!!!
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Excellent
Written really excellently.(But I've never liked horror movies) -
Due I love this poem but it kinda freaked me a little.
~Janie Deanne wilson -
Actually I would love to make it into a song. I am having ideas already. Thanks for the encouraging comments.
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haunting and proud
hiya
well im back again - i read the title and had to see what it was - i so say this is asong and if you ever get it going im gonna want it in the movie were doing --it fits perfectly have it all haunting and heavy...
If i havent said anything i so love it - perect mix of imagery and intent...
ten gold stars
beka -
Ta, yes it is long good to hear it keeps interest to the end though.
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Thanks, it is a favourite of mine I often can't belive I wrote it.
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Great. The regularity of the rhythm really drove it along and there was a strong narrative as well so the whole thing kept me hooked till the end.
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This is really good. I usually don't like things like this, but yours is good. Something you could tell when your at a camping ground for a good fright. Reads like a story. Kept me intense till the end.
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1 - 25 of 25
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