Fly by night and drift by day,
what makes these feelings go away?
A naked star so bright and bold,
dances the story that I've told.
Cry by night and burn by day,
what can make me feel this way?
A scolding fire so prone to touch,
wonders why it burns so much.
Sung by night and whispered by day,
I never ever feel that way.
A sweet love song just taunts and dies,
dancing 'round its little lies.
Echo by night and hollow by day,
What can make me feel this way?
A whisper written on the wind,
told me I shall never win.
Author notes
by night and by day
the coin shows heads and then tails
by day and by night
Written April 21st, 1997
In a list
A contest entry
- From The Beginning of Time by WorstNinjaEver.
300 points, ended July 24, 2006, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abstract. Be different. by Trent plus pen.
650 points, ended July 3, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Such an amazing piece. I'm speechless. I'm a sucker for rhymes, but to enjoy it, I really need it to be a class act. And this poem is nothing less.
It's hard to write a rhyming poem without chucking in one or two random words that don't quite fit... but you seem to have meaning and importance behnind every word.
I love the development of every 3rd line.
"A naked star so bright and bold"
"A scolding fire so prone to touch"
"A sweet love song just taunts and dies"
"A whisper written on the wind"
It really keeps me intriguied!
An awesome write and one of my finalists.
Great work!
Trento. -
Beautiful a poem that flows amazingly well and is held together by the structural repetition of the first line of each verse. I particulary like the line "Echo by night and hollow by day" as the words echo and hollow go together well.
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amazing poetry.i love it.i can see and feel everything.its amazing. good write..keep it up
!
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This is an interesting an creative piece. Very nicely done. I would love to see what you could do with free verse. Your subjects are so dark and intense. A great work.
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YAY APPLAUSES!
Very pretty imagery. I like the part with the whisper written in the win. Even though it told you shall never win...BUT SCORE!!! On this poem. WOOH!! YEAH!! Lol very awesome. And the rhyming gave it this weird little tune to it. Very very very well written. Worthy of a lot of applauses.
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