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A Formula For A Better World


If the laws were changed
So that rich old men
Were the only ones sent to the wars,
There'd be a lot less fighting then,
And the dead number barely scores.
If the rich and the politicians
Had to live on a "minimum wage"
Poverty and hunger would vanish
In a swift outpouring of rage.
If "pro-lifers" were forced to rear
All the babies they push to be born
There'd be many less unwanted babies
And much less self-righteous scorn.
If the rich could be sick or hungry
For even a day or two
There'd be hospitals, medicine, blankets,
And great pots of "mulligan" stew.
If every rich man traded places
With a beggar for just one day
There'd be homes for the poor and starving
And a place for the children to play.
We put things off till tomorrow,
and they often get lost on the way.
Wake up and smell the coffee:
tomorrow is here ... today.











Author notes




Written April 20th, 2005

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • Night Hope gold member
    1 day ago
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    Indeed, I have often wondered why it is that the ones who start the bloodshed are safe behind four walls of seclusion, while the young and brave are sent, in their stead, to fight and die. Good luck in the contest, Scribe.



  • isomuse silver member
    November 26
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    A truly fabulous rant! A little cliche on the "walk a mile in another man's shoes" parable but it got me smiling. The truth behind it is, of course, undeniable.

    Although it doesn't follow any consistent rhythm pattern, the rhyme is flawless and added to the poignancy of the rant. Well done! Congrats on the trophies and good luck in the current contests.


  • ronnica
    November 25
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    Edit | Reply
    It is almost a prayer and it should be written on the wind or a dream come true.
    Oh how the world would change once the perpetrators get the message.
    Well worthy of praise and the honours received.


  • Watuwant silver member
    November 23
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    Nice, jim. Great scheming taking place here, in more ways then one. Not to mention the scathing 'attack' on elitism that seems to exist. Truth in observationalism can be quite a sword!
    peace
    doug

  • Animafied
    November 22
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    I'm rather intrigued by the political stand on this piece. I like how your to the point and specify the problem. I would have liked a little more depth, but it's just my preference. It is pretty strong and it shows the problem with a solution. Well done nice write. Good luck.

    • ecrivain01
      November 22
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      I don't often write long ...

      because the attention span of most of the people here tends to be very short.

      • Animafied
        November 22
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        Sorry I wasn't specific when I say depth I meant I would have liked it to be deeper or more symbolistic, but I don't judge on length; long or short it's all about getting the point across.

  • This one was incredible. Literally one of the best poems I have gotten in this contest. The subject was perfect, and the rhyme and flow complemented it nicely. Thank you for entering, and thank you for writing this piece.


  • God of Thunder
    October 25
    Edit | Reply
    Finally! Someone who saw the bush years like I did. You speak volumes of truth here.


  • pineapple-eyes gold member
    October 25
    Edit | Reply

    AGREED

  • Bravo and Amen!

    Outstanding write.


  • Ruthlyn
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    This poem is wonderful and true at that. I appologise for the short comment for it is early morning for me. Exellent.
    Good Luck


  • james119
    July 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    While you didn't follow the rule about politics, it is a good poem in it's own right.

    • ecrivain01
      July 10, 2008
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      Yes. ;)

      I'm very bad about following directions. I didn't even notice anything about "no politics". Oh well, sorry about that.


  • fakeport
    May 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    YES!

    This is exactly what I wanted to see for this contest. Covers a range of issues, expressed in perfect rhyme, and flows beautifully. Thanks for your entry, and good luck.


  • phattkat gold member
    July 7, 2005
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    Pennies for the paupers, gold for the rich, nothing for the poet but the chance to make his pitch.
    A rich man in a poor man`s shoes, would strive to be rich yet again. A poor man in a rich man`s shoes, would spend all he had left to spend.

    Unfortunately, empathy is not a quality money, or the lack of it, can buy. You have nailed a solution to the problem in your fine poem ecrivain01. Implementing it would be a mighty task indeed!


  • Pussy Kat
    July 6, 2005
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    A very opinionated and powerful poem. I think that overall the poem flowed and read well. The content involving, what you express as, the fact that the rich are treated differently to the poor. I think that this is true but only because I personally don't see how else treatment towards people can be balanced.
    I, however, had interpretated the poem slightly differently when reading. I think that you were thinking about the rich people and how they have so much money that could be spent on better things like sharing it with those poor people and then we could all live equal lives. I wish that that was the case to be honest.
    Anyway thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest x

  • ecrivain01
    July 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks. I appreciate that.

    Have a great 4th of July.


  • americanrebel
    July 3, 2005
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    Truthful

    Dude this is a great write i think this shoudl be in the newspaper or soemthing like that its thre truth as hard as people dont want to belive it you did a great job on this man -William

  • ecrivain01
    May 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks. I really appreciate the kind words (and the trophy too).



    If you get a chance, come sign the guestbook on my website against genocide:

    http://www.voicesforafrica.homestead.com/index.html

    Nobody deserves to be wantonly murdered.




  • Lumen
    May 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much! This was exactly something i was looking for in my contest! Your writing was exelente and i found my self enchanted with every word! You state what i guess most "poor" people wish for but is a mere dream far away... Once again great poem, i believe you deserved 1st place
    Best wishes, Lumen

  • shaitus
    May 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Really nice.
    Nice Imagination.
    Strong ideas.
    ~shaitus.


  • Antipodi
    April 28, 2005
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    THEWORLDBELONGSTOEVERYONE

    Now this is quality piece , a real true understanding of human nature sadly , the voice of the poor , the underprividged , the sick is a small one in the consideration of things and governments would rather fight wars for oil and large profits than care for their people, even worst exploit and use other nations not in a position to defend themselves..We must start right some of these wrong as things are getting out of hand and millions are suffering..Keep writing this sort of material and maybe , just maybe someone might see or hear and KNOW the truth and act on it..


  • emancipation
    April 26, 2005
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    inspiring

    This is most excellant!! Not only is it very well written, but it behooves one to ponder it's message. I love writes that dare us to look at our circumstances and be motivated enough to change them. That's why I love this write

    Much luck and love in all your writing endavours, my friend!


    stephanie


  • Alone inside
    April 25, 2005
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    I really like this, great work A really brilliant write and it is easily understood Thaks for entering and good luck


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    April 21, 2005
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    Bravo!

    Excellent work. Your views are right on target and expressed so well. How I wish a turn-about would really happen, but well we know it won't. Wonderful expression of life and where it needs to be. Perhaps one day............. ~Pam


  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    April 21, 2005
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    You are so right. People don't usually do anything about injustices until it affects them personally. For instance, as much of a hero as Christopher Reeves was for people with spinal injuries, it would have meant a lot more if he would have cared so much about it before he injured himself. But that's the way it works in life. People take care of themselves and their own. I went to a Mohawk meeting in a leaky basement once to help organize a protest of building on tribal land. They thought I was a mole for the government and a few asked me why I, a white guy, cared about Mohawks. I just told them that people only caring about people they have something in common with is one of the biggest reasons the world's problems never get solved.

    The only point in the poem I would differ on is abortion. Whether aborted or forced to be born to parents who don't want them, both are unwanted. One just has a chance to live and the other doesn't. I can't say I'm pro-life because I do want women to have a choice, but I do think abortion is taking a life, and the millions of abortions performed every year are a national disgrace, an unseen holocaust. It's another example of how society caters to irresponsibility. I also think it's much more damaging to most women spiritually and mentally in the long run than just having the baby. A girl I knew in high school had an abortion and I can't tell you how much pain and regret it has caused me. There has to be a better way than just performing millions of abortions like human life means nothing. It's a loaded issue, that's for sure.

    Mark

    P.S. I couldn't help noticing the comment above mine. You were attacked by a co-worker?? What the heck happened? Is he warming a cell right now? (I hope.)

  • ecrivain01
    April 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks. Unfortunately, there's no way to achieve a wider audience.

    Nice to hear from you. I've been ill after being attacked by a co-worker and am not really doing much at the moment.


  • La Belle Rouge
    April 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    This is an important work, a powerful social and political statement. We all know most of these things but few of us can untangle ourselves from our own lives long enough to change someone else's. Keep using that pen for social reform, it's mightier than the sword.


  • suseann
    April 21, 2005
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    True to Life Write

    You just nail it with this write.I don't think human kind,and I USE THAT WORD (KIND) LOOSLY.Is any more evolved or as civilized than the cavepeople we once were.I use to.But older and more inlightened now.

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