~**~
faded dress
dancing in breeze
wash day
~**~
trousers kick at wind
knees sparse, cuffs rags
clean scent
~**~
Author notes
Written April 20th, 2005
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1 - 14 of 14
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applause
5-7-5 haikus ?? we can't consider it for the contest ?? What a shame "Clothes line" is so sweet ~your haiku link has such a clean scent unlike the 5/7/5 rule .its a beauitiful haiku and thanks for sharing ~ Skinwalker
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Great
Thank you very much, Haiku is not easy, check out my poem "American Eagle," it is called a Rictameter, a nine line poem, with a syllable count as well, only with less rules. Actually it was fun, think people should start here and work up to haiku. Thanks so appreciate your kind comments! -
This is very atmospheric. You bring the washing line to life. I've been quite getting into reading people's haiku lately and it's growing on me. It does take skill to really say something in a few lines.
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This is nice, great imagery, but not what we were looking for. We specifically asked for 5-7-5 haikus. It really is a nice piece, but we can't consider it for the contest
Sorry.
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Say thanks, I went back and read this haiku, you were right! wash day, just didn't cut it! Now it reads "clean scent" thanks so appreciate your assistance, these haiku are forever evolving, re-write them a zillion times, you are right though, 3rd line should be the "aha" line and it wasn't. So many thanks on your review, back to work on the haiku AGAIN! Thanks!
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Excellent for the first two lines
They're very interesting descriptions, but I feel the third line of each is a bit weak. Instead of focusing on the typical sensory perceptions, they give a headline to the Haikus, which I find unnecessary. I would recommend changing the line to focus on some other element of the clothing, such as their scent or the like.
Good concepts regardless, however. -
Wonderful! You painted a portrait of a daily chore like a great dance. It was as if there was a chorographed ballet happening in your words. These haikus are remarkably vivid.
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excellent
Excellent write and wonderful picture.The imagery was wonderful
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Yes it wasn't the typical 5/7/5 syllable count and I liked it! So I know I can do it, happy you liked it, seems you were the only one to pick up the dress and trousers dancing though, good vision. Thanks
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excellent
You see? You have it! What a pair, trousers & dress dancing together. This is very good work. All in all a good contemporary Senryu duce, well done. SirPort -
Great
Thank you for your review of my haiku, I love the form, forces one to stretch their creative muscle using as few words to say as much as possible. Thanks for the appreciation! -
hhhm I could really picture this. I love how you painted an image in my head. It kinda gave me a relaxed feeling. I really liked this one. Thanks for the great read!
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Thank you very much for your review, I appreciated your time spent reviewing. Thank you
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good
I like the first.
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