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Our Love knows

our love knows no death as it knows no life
as it knows no sadness

as it knows no smile
no bitter laughter

or embraces for the wint'ry cold
or kisses warm as the summer

nor tears like spring shower

our love knows no time

knows no space
knows no skin
knows no length

knows no heat
knows no breasts

knows no hair


not even my name

not even your face

Our love knows no death
for what expires must first exist
And there was none of that
Just    this       wasted   heart.

Author notes

My thanks to gingergreentea, again for her wonderfully insightful suggestions. Dearest, you're right. It helps a lot; makes it easier to read, also^^ Though, I'm not so sure if I did your thoughts and critique any justice. I just imagined Alan Rickman's voice in my head and guessed how he'd read it. Illusyonada *raises hand*.

I'm still not sure about the title, though. What do you think? And the punctuation... and, erm, lacking of... could use some help, eh? Yeah, I thought so...
Written April 21st, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • sense surreal gold member
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    mmmm love the oxymoron quality
    wow!
    uy

    wala akong masabi

    basta ang galing


  • baju
    June 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    wahofsh....well said

    Gyn, I feel like your getting married while reading your poem. I had tissues all over my nose but anyway, it does bring out something that I have not seen in your side of personality. It's very interesting to the point of me questioning if you are the writer of this piece.damn! it was so good and out of your personality that I sooOOOoooo Love it!!!hmmm...still loving it.


  • masterblaster gold member
    April 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I was very moved by this poem , it is very sad , atr least the way I see it, It seems a marriage full of nothing, the feeling of ,to die first you must exist I find sadly very beautiful, I see you now have an excellent helper and my opinion I am afraid is not of an expert in poetry, I just write what I feel. A very lovely poem, all the best, hugs Di

  • gingergreentea
    April 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I suggest spacing between the succession of ideas.

    I love this. been taking poetry workshop classthis summer under Dr. J.Neil Garcia (who's very very cool) and this contains that thing poetry should have--a paradox that's universal. I love the subtle twist in this. and I love the silent sting of that last line.

    I would suggest more, but I cant think of any. this was amazing.

    Keep writing

    Kannika