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vastness

Missing image
I open you close
holding ourselves near yet far
like waves on the shore

Author notes

This is an entry for category ! and has 17 syllables. I hope you enjoy!

I was really missing my husband when I wrote this during a solo trip to the Bahamas. The picture is not mine.

This won the bronze trophy in Jocelyn Davis'  Dark and Mysterious contest 7/22/05.

Written April 19th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • vertigo beat
    September 17, 2005
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    The first line was confusing, with i open you close, I didn't quite get that part, but the rest I just loved, and just like Munda, I loved the metaphor...Keep writing..
    ~^~Tiya~^~

  • Munda
    September 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    "like waves on the shore"- great metaphore. Enjoyed reading this.

  • Jocelyn Davis
    July 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    The phenomenon is expressed so heartfelt... near, yet far, like the ocean... the waves touch the shore, yet touch the same shore miles away. I could say more, but don't want to spoil the lovely simplicity by defining it. Thanks for entering.

    --Jocelyn


  • Blood Slurpie
    June 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is really cool, and the pic really held it all together, and it's kinda funny, cuz there are no big waves in the ocean in this pic haha well keep up the good work! great write! ~julia~


  • queen Moderators member
    April 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful, the picture is perfect with this


  • Forgiving Memories
    April 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Good but not my kind of poem.Awsome job though.

    Lil Emo Girl


  • Orenji No Taiyou
    April 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I Don't Understand Haikus,
    But I Sure do Like Them,
    This Was Very Nice.
    The Picture Is Amazing,
    I Enjoyed Very Much'

    Sabrina


  • ShadowStalker
    April 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    An excellent example of haiku. You did really well on this and it was short yet special. The picture was very pretty also...


  • BonnieQ silver member
    April 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Ah, Joanne, what depth in so few words and the picture is gloriously perfect for this exquisite haiku! We, who love the Lord, are sooo close to Him, yet so far away. Beautifully penned, dear one: I feed certain God is smiling upon you.

    Am I to understand, by Vickie's comment, that you already are in the Bahamas and already homesick? With all that beauty surrounding you? Nah, can't be true!

    Excellent work here, hon.

    Lots of love and hugs, B¢¾nnieQ

    Edited on Apr 21, 9:24 because ''.


  • Lady Strife
    April 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very Kick

    A said before, the picture suits the poem well, and your words are realy powerful, keep up the good work!


  • Vickie J
    April 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    What a great antithetical piece you penned here. By just using the words you chose, you produced a powerful poem.

    Gosh, you've only been gone a few days and you are already homesick??? I guess the Bahamas would be more fun if you have someone to share it. Let me get my suitcase packed and I'll be right there. Now where did you tell me to send that bill....

  • Odanale
    April 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is so sweet! I love the imagery and the poem fits picture so well. I just don't even know how to describe why this is awesome, but it just is.

1 - 12 of 12