I’ll Offer You Immortality
That’s the way it always was,
Wasn’t it?
Since we met when we were nine
I was always coughing up
Poison and burning fingertips
And you earned your snow white wings
So many times over
You could drown this world in feathers
And delicate sneezes
I will never pretend to understand
Why you would light my side
One of the devils own
While I left a searing wake in my path
Teaching you how to light fires
And burn down bridges
Tainting your wings with mercury silver
That I secretly thought
Suited you
And while you added a golden glow
To the perfect halo of light
Above your head
I was busy teaching the male teachers
How to beg on dirty knees
And scrapping claw marks in my boyfriends
Sculpted muscled backs
I blinked unknowing, as you led me softly
To your house to play
Never asking me why I never spoke
Of home
I remember, too, the time you called me
As we grew older
When I lived too far from you then
To see the curve of
Your almond shaped eyes
You whispered brokenly
Of some bitch at a store that scorned you
For the shade of your skin
Darker then mine
Though your light, always so much brighter
Was beyond that bitch
I howled and screamed and shattered
Glass windows
In open rage and hate of all the tears
You never cried out loud
But I waited…
…impatiently...
And coming at last to see you
I hunted her down
Beneath the rock she lived in
I guarantee you proudly, that she has never
Forgotten our faces
But that was the last time
…wasn’t it?
That I was still here, still awake and…
Wounded badly
One too many fights, that I couldn’t
Walk away from this time
Slid away to a dark watery cave by the sea
And sunk under
Bleeding ever so slowly out
A silent call
To the ravenous sharks
There we were for a long time
Years
And years…
My eyes closed in
Empty paining dreams of nothing
Waiting for the end
And you there
Sopping wet, up to your neck in water
Your hands full of my hair
Biting my fingertips
To wake me
Always far too gently
As you kept my gaping mouth above
A slow kind of desperation
On your part
That I can never say I earned or belonged
But you should have let me go to
A well deserved
Sad death
When was it that our roles….
Reversed?
When you became so strong and loud
Able to scream finally
And I hollowed out, transient, to a
Mere shadow?
You brought me to Miami to play
And I floated gently behind
Never quite touching the ground
Eyes dulled and unreflective
I recognized only the sound of your
Voice and followed
Knowing…
… nothing
Till the time finally
Showed here
While you preened your delicate feathers
In happy solitude with your
Dark silent friend
I, sleeping, drifted slowly out
Dreaming of your hands in my hair
Neither of us the wiser
The water shifted dangerously around
We were no longer
Alone
You heard too late the snapping
Of bone teeth
The gurgling splashing panic of
My death struggle
In the jaws of a shark that finally answered
A call I’d long forgotten
I, myself, had made
But your wings weren’t for deep water
I still dreamt… in nightmares
Your shrill screams
Broke the whales ear drums for miles
And pain and blood
Filled our formerly quiet, little
Water cove…
You never stopped the cries
I don’t remember
When you started, only that when
I opened my eyes
I knew you’d been screaming too long
Ready to break your wings
To save my leathery
Scarred skin
I narrowed my eyes and remembered you
Covering my jugular
My very first sign of self-preservation
Since first I breathed
Just for you
Choking up seaweed, I sunk my own
Poison into my violent
New cove lover
For violence and wickedness is all we’ll
Ever understand
Standing on dry land, I burn atrophy
And wipe the fear from
Your face
Smiles are all that will ever suit the curve
Of your shoulders
Or the grace of your fingers
I will never allow you to
Break your wings
For me
I’m sorry I’ve left you alone
For so long
But the glitter has returned to these eyes
I’m dangerous
Again
And now I hear
New Orleans calls to us
Where the vampires hide, we will go
To poison them with our blood
Of distilled
Silence
For immortality
Always begins with the immortals
I’ll make sure
You will never die here
For I breathe again, to decorate your halo
With poetry
My only true offering I have to return
For your selfless grace
Author notes
Today is my best friend’s birthday, April 19th. I have written this just for her. It is pure truth in poetic motion. The events, though put in metaphor, are blatantly real and actually occurred. Feel free to comment, despite her shyness, I know she’d love to know what you think.
We are such a strange pair, she and I. We make no sense at all. But she is the calm in my inner storms. You’ll have to excuse the common place metaphors, but they fit just too well. And the vampires revolved around something we carried on about for a year.
In the end, she was the one who was there when I lost Alan (refer to “My Mistake”). The one who carried me quietly deep inside her home that day… on her back. While I lie helplessly wide eyed and empty…
The angel… that has followed a demon into the waters of Hell. To save me from a shark, I called to myself…
I bet even now, as she reads this, she is devastatingly red and will hide in the bathroom for awhile to she can regain her composure! ~laughs wickedly~
~dashes behind something to protect myself from flying objects~
I don’t think I’ll be able to answer my cell phone for awhile… my ears will bleed.
Written April 19th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Lovely Things Contest by spasticloser.
300 points, ended April 23, 2005, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Wow, a poetic piece of art, written so beautifully, and flowing so perfectly. From beginning to end, I was entranced. Your use of words is stellar, the metaphors, the imagery, all so picture perfect. I am sure your friend is so honored.
Also, thanks so much for your kind words on my poem! -
This poem blows my mind! I love it! I once had a friend who I thought was wild and dangerous; she ended up running away from home. But the times we had together were a blast. But this poem evokes so much great imagery and feelings on the surface that I am babbling by now, because it's so damn good.
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everything i wanted to say has been said..so i'll make this short and sweet...it's beautiful but i think it should be short story..awesome metophors...keep up the great writing and thank you for entering
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Impossibly Perfect!
OMG! This is so amasing! It makes me think so much! I will read it over and over and over again untill my eyes bleed! Im going to post a different comment for every paragraph or so. To tell u how I feel in a more specific reasoning. Its probably going to take a long time. Concidering how long the peom is and that Im usually not here very often. But I swear, I will do it. Even if you begged me not to, I will anyway. Because you need to know how amasing you realy are. -
Awesome sauce
Eloquence and magnificence are the only words that come to mind. It flowed so incomprehensibly well, and every adjective, every vivid description was excellent. I love this. A fantastic write. -
Damn fine poem my friend. It rang true and sounded beautiful, carrying a odd kind of love that you don't see much in the world. I hope you continue to be the best of friends for the rest of eternity, and may you always have one foot in the light and one foot in the dark.
With a sword of hope and a pen of darkness
Sir Dakkon -
i dont know what i can say that everyone else hasnt, but i think the poem was so beautiful and eloquent i had to say something. it was long but i dont think i even noticed. it was like a book that u cant put down till it's done, it always seems too short and u wish it would go on forever. the metaphors were awesome and probably made it easier for me to understand instead of harder. and, if i havnt said this yet, i love it!!!!!
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Dear diary, this is how I feel... I like the emotion and the intention, but I can't say this is a good poem, rewritten as a short story maybe.
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I like how you wrote this about you and your friend. It was a very sweet thing to do. Anyway, I like the description, keep on writing
~dani~ -
So awesome in so many ways
This piece was amazingly beautiful. I don't say this of many things I read but I really really enjoyed reading this piece. True emotion is seen so clear throughout the whole poem. Wow, the imagery is sooo good. This piece was absolutly sincere and for that it it one of the best I have ever read. The metaphors are sweet and this whole poem is just oozing with creativity. I can't say enough good things about this piece. My favorite part is:
I howled and screamed and shattered
Glass windows
In open rage and hate of all the tears
You never cried out loud
But I waited…
…impatiently...
And coming at last to see you
I hunted her down
Beneath the rock she lived in
I guarantee you proudly, that she has never
Forgotten our faces
amazing! keep writing and take care.
Horacio -
Amazing
This is an amazing piece of work. It is deep and emotional and your use of metaphor is quite awesome. I admit I would not have gotten this at all except for your author's notes. This is a very interesting tribute to a friend. Though very long it has fascinating mental images. I enjoyed reading this one! -
Yay!
Absolutely terrifically beautiful. How lucky you are to have eachother as friends. I think I understand what you mean, about the two of you being so different
. I loved how in the beginning, you said "Tainting your wings with mercury silver" I find that very interesting, and a beautiful picture.
There isn't really much I can say about this other that great imagery, great idea, great language, great form, great story, and wow. I wish you the very best of all luck in the contest, and I would be surprised if you did not win.
One last thing. You have one the Sixth Ninque-Aiwe Award for Outstanding Poetry. Kinda self-explanatory as to what it is, but it's like, eh, a super-applause (you get that as well). Congratulations!
Keep on writing,
~Ninq
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~laughs and injects you with speed~
That outta fix your perspective buddy! -
Where's the goddam immortality?!? You said if I clicked, I'd get 70 virgins... oh wait, that was osama... Well, still, I want my immortality, kldn;.
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This was long, but it flowed so well and was like a story. Wow looks like you both have been through major drama, but you put it so poetically. I love metaphors! You friend sounds awesome.
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Absolutly beautiful, The pain comes across so strongly and the lonelyness as well. The fear of losing not only your self but the one who held you up as you were drowning makes it that much more dark and haunting.
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perfection in too many ways to count!!!
wow. you can tell the desperate end of love, and it was a ar-simple, beautiful, tear wracking poem...i loved it. Beautiful...i am speechless. -
A very beautifully crafted piece...tells of an extremely deep relationship...and I can make a connection to some of the feelings...the metaphors and imagery worked incredibly...I'd like to read "My Mistake" to see what you were saying about Alan...this is very nice and a pleasure to read...
~A.M.~ -
Rocked
I absolutly loved this. It was so deep and emotional...It sounds like some of my stuff...I liked that it was on the longer side...it lent itself to more explination...i loved it...keep it up...i'll be cheaking back to read mroe of your wonder stuff!!! -
~laughs~ ^^_^^
Oh my... I think you missed the boat on this one! -
Wow, this is so deep in emotional! I feel depressed from reading it, I hled my breath the entire time I read it as if I thought I would drown in the silence, and the hopelessness portrayed in the poem; every poem you have ever written I have detected hopelessness...loss of control. Why do you feel you arent the one who is in control? Why d oyou think you HAVE to act the way you do? You have the remote.
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Wow this was do descriptive and great...i cant believe it ...i was like almost there..great write...
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It's good, but is twice too long.
But has some very nice language
in there in places. -
Wow. I don't usually write just "wow" in comments, but that's about all I can come up with for this piece. Wow. Very much wow. Just awesome.
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As always I am stunned by your lyrical ability. You paint wide strokes here with fine detail where it is needed. You started off strong and kept me spellbound the whole trip, not wanting to look, yet not being able to pull away. Today your content is equally stunning, a true gift to a true friend.
Of such a friend, there are few, as you know. There are ties here that none can cut save for your own selves. You have both played your roles and come full circle. A testament to what is true.
This is good writing. -
Parts that stuck out the most to me:
"To see the curve of
Your almond shaped eyes
You whispered brokenly
Of some bitch at a store that scorned you
For the shade of your skin
Darker then mine"
"But your wings weren’t for deep water"
"Smiles are all that will ever suit the curve
Of your shoulders
Or the grace of your fingers
I will never allow you to
Break your wings
For me"
The entire thing was so beautiful and your way with words is amazing. The metaphors are deep and-I can tell-very personal... your friend obviously means the world to you. Great write!
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