Cold...
coldness...
freezing.
Stomping,
marching.
Sudden face zombies.
Shouts,
blood curling screams,
unanswered cries for help.
The smell of death lies on our flesh.
We are close to death.
Dark clouds overtake the sky.
A dark cloud for each of us,
following us around turning our lives gray.
There is no sun to send warmth to our bones.
All that is left of us are bones.
We walk, work, toil.
Numb from appalling sights.
Nothing is real; how can this be real?
Each day repeats itself, even in our sleep there is no escape.
We do not sleep out of fear of what will come.
They strip us of our senses.
Try to make us forget that which we knew.
Try to makes us wish we were dead.
There is a inner strength that is not my own.
It cries out in wrath for justice; where is justice?
They follow us as they send us to dig our own graves into the frozen ground.
Dig & Dig & Dig.
Like machines they have us work.
Their gleeful laughter sends chills down my spine.
It is pure evil; they have given themselves to do evil.
I cannot let them win.
I must struggle with the enemy.
Continue to struggle everyday until I prevail.
I must never stop for they seek my weakness.
Faced with death I choose life though it's harder to live & faces these fears.
Within this war I have survived & now I shall live that others may see how victorious my God has been.
He saved me when their wasn't a hope. When no way was put forth He made a way.
While the enemy strinks away like the coward they are.
But beware the enemy lies in all of us.
Author notes
About the holocaust.
Written April 19th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I liked this piece a lot. You use the imagery well, and even though there were some mistakes on the way it didn't bother too much. Or then it was my own bad English... Altogether, I liked this piece a lot. Wonderful work
-
I think this could apply to alot of things. I know you wrote this for another purpose, but there are many things I could make out of this. I disagree with the comment above, saying it was flat. I dont think that it was flat at all. I think that the choppiness of it, really added to it. That is just me I suppose.
Despair
-
As you requested on your bio, I'm going to be critical. First of all, you have several mistakes. I will try to point them all out, but you really need to proofread your work for errors, rather than asking other people to do that.
"Sudden face zombies" I'm confused. Either you left out something or it is just unclear.
"There is no sun to sent warm to our bones."
"Each day repeats itself,not even in our sleep can we escape" You need a space after the comma.
"Try to makes us wish we were dead."
"There is a inner strength that is not my own." AN inner strength...
"They follow us as the sent us..." "they" sent us, perhaps?
"Their gleeful laughter sends chill down my spine"
"I must never stop for the seek my weakness"
"harder to live & faces these fears"
"He saved me when their wasn't a hope" Don't mix up they're, their, and THERE!!!
"While the enemy st rinks away like the coward they are" I don't quite know what you're trying to say. This doesn't quite make sense.
"following us around turning our lives gray" I would suggest a line break, "and", or at least a comma between "around" and "turning". Though the phrase "following us around" kind of bothers me. It fits rather weirdly.
"We do not sleep out of fear of what will come" This is ambiguous, wordy, and unclear. I suggest you rephrase.
I do like the theme, and the ideas behind the poem, but I think you could be a lot more communicative. The poem is just a little... flat. -
This was so good. I love the way you described this. The descriptions in this were amazing. I like the perspective and the attitude of never giving up. To show that sometimes when we struggle, we still choose to live even if it's harder. I love that concept. You definitley get applause.
-
Awww this is so sad; it's so painful. I think that you really captured what many people are feeling or have felt or will feel. Your words really amaze me; you just overpowered me with this write. Great job with this. And please if you need anything just let me know; I am here for you Kay.
Hugs
Jess -
I can't really tell if you're badgering society or describing it as an evil consuming force. either way, great write and i turely enjoyed it.
-
Really vividly descriptive. Quite a powerful piece.
-
2 thumbs up
the wording allows for you
to imagine it as you read,
I have to say that this
is a great write. . .
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
