iridescent riddles
spoken slowly so
as not to deny
the sleeper his last
dream-
spoken swollen
near ready to wither
with fragility instilled
barricaded in aid of
huggy-smiley booth pics,
friendship bracelets
& all the other shells on the beach
cypress heads
scattered sporadically
defined by pines
& canals
sugar sand roads leading
nowhere
we'd want to go
dragging the feet-
draining
reach back - think
flow it down to normal
breathing
in & out
Author notes
Written April 18th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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thanks for reading. that one line says a lot metaphorically. reinforcing the fragility of those indoctrinations.
I'm glad you found it enjoyable. too much of what I write goes right over people's heads lol I'm pretty sure it's a clarity fault on my part though. -
I liked this very much. It reads well. It's not a poem I would care to dissect as it just feels right to me. I can take from it what I want, use your visuals however I want. One line that I don't think I would miss if omitted is, "barricaded in aid of". All in all a very pleasurable read. Thank-you.
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damn, that was close. you were right on top of it then jumped a mile over lol.
I had no idea the cypress boughs were a symbol of mourning but it fits very well now that I know.
the entire thing was a journey back into memories of my childhood. I grew up in the woods in florida and there was a certain kind of sand there that was very fine and very white, i.e., sugar-sand.
recalling these things calms me somewhat yet they always bring questions as to what I actually remember and what might be a creation of what I would like to have remembered.
thanks for the indepth comment. -
Well, the sparseness of punctuation (3 hyphens and 1 comma lol) certainly lends this the air of a riddle. The first stanza puts me in mind of over-simplification. I connect illumination with knowledge, or the revelation of knowlege, so luminescent riddles would be the readily apparent, obvious ones. Using it in the sense of a night light, and constrasting it with a dreamer puts me in the mind to say that a dreamer is a lover of ignorance and over-simplicity. Instilled - to cause to enter drop by drop - plays on the idea of swollen. Something about the riddles are swollen, but they're being weakened slowly. I would say the structure is swollen, so as to make things painfully obvious and spell them out step by step.
Then they are barricaded in aid of simple, superfluous, vapid things.
I looked up cypress and saw that its branches are a symbol of mourning. So I guess that the cypress heads scattered sporadically are arbitrary attempt to jerk tears, not for considered effect. I'm not to sure about pines and canals... Possibly just the rest of the structure, defining, merely there for pretense, to have a filler and a background for the sob stories.
I can only think of sugar sand roads as being overly-polite, contentless commentary. It leads us nowhere we want to go. It actually makes the easy riddles more prevalent.
The end note seems to tell us to relax, take our time, and maintain a normal exchange.
I get the impression this is about people writing ill-considered poems with arbitrary structure, throwing emotional content in for effect at random, and keeping their language simple so everyone can understand their poem, even if there's nothing really to understand. Perhaps I've read a lot into this, but then it really was rather like a riddle.
Mike -
lol, no biggie... I'm not sure I'm even done with it yet. I keep coming back and adding things.
thanks for reading though
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nice flow....about all i got...i tried. good job. interesting. different. enjoyed.
BLu -
A poet is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer...
I love the way you do this. So abstract, and yet so much
lurking in the unspoken words.
Sometimes I wish there were more hours in a day ~ I could
read your work and actually have time to savor and take it in.
Excellent, my friend.
Blessed be ~ criss
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and I think I'm done with it now. nothing else is coming out for a continuation so I'm going to end it where it is.
unless you have some suggestions as to where it might go next? do you think it works like it is? -
Ah yes, I understand. Stef does that , uses a word to suggest another one.
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yeah, that was a bit of word play. the 'flow it down' part. it's meant to direct the mind (through the rhyme and context) to the word 'slow' as in 'slow it down to normal'.
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whatever.
I know you speak english so, if it's an insult, I can only assume that you're too cowardly to say it in english. -
bon t gay pas BEAU!! pwaa tu comprend pas!
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With today's eyes the poem make me have nostalgia tears. It come together for today in like home movie flickers. Only line I think hiccup a bit is
'flow it down to normal'
but then what do I know
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dudess if'n ya don't mucking find
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dude, I don't speak chinese!
who the hell is yuck foo?
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this is good stuff...let me know when it's finished...yuck foo! xxx
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thanks I wish I could... just kind of dead-ended. I still have the thoughts but can't find exactly what I want. it's like... the part I have up so far is just right but the parts that want to come out next are all wrong for it. I dunno... (sigh)
thanks for reading I'll be around later. got to get some sleep now 
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keep going :-)
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ugh! and I put so much thought into it too! ok, I'll re-do the colors
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I like what you've got here so far ...but the text color has to go! either that or the background... I'll keep checking back.. ( demanding aren't I ? )
~~Lisa/whims -
Well, you have a great start on it. I love the line about all the other shells on the beach... what a great way to describe all the little relationship momentos.
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Lol, you're welcome and yes please. Cheers. Barbie. Xx
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lol, thanks for reading and for the typo heads up.
I'll drop ya an IM when I get it finished if ya want. -
Er, what does 'mormal' mean? The colours really hurt my eyes as well. I can see this going somewhere - you've got some really strong images and a slightly pained narrator which helps to create a tone for the piece. I can see that you haven't finished with it yet and, hopefully, I'll see it when it has been edited. Barbie. Xx
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