1. My hair magically combs itself, and is very dark and thick
With just the right amount of natural tinting by the sun.
2. I smoke killer marijuana from the majestic mountain
valleys of Northern California.
3. The kind of sense of humor that only a mother could love.
4. I have incredibly large-strong-manicured hands.
5. Unlike Samson, I'm just gay enough, to not get blinded by pussy.
6. I can't count for shit (please refer back to #2).
Author notes
Written April 17th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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This is short and to the point
I really liked 5 & 6.
DT -
{looks askance at the comment above} 
ROFLMAO, horus8...a wonderfully succinct & witty list...& I must agree; you do have nice hands...I've always looked at people's hands & eyes...I enjoyed the comments almost as much, but this line made me swoon a bit, being a (former) librarian...'and teaching myself ancient secrets in the library of the mind.' That's beautiful, Poet...& yes, your cockiness is backed up rather well with Talent, pure & simple...well done...
Wanda
Edited on May 15, 8:43 p.m. because ''. -
not one of those points has anything to do with writing, regarding your own skill or your skill in comparison to other people. i doubt that your hair enhances your ability to conjure up more generic, thoughtless bullshit that you create. that marijuana isn't helping you out much either... you are undeserving of the wisdom it can allow you to achieve, im sure it will remain out of your grasp for your entire lifespan. when you want to assume to be a better writer than everyone else, you should go about it by actually making points that are relevant to what you are talking about. maybe that way you can get your point across the right way. just a thought.
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I just thought you were offering to do my laundry
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Are you trying to turn me on Claire? Because, it's working...
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O-O .... !!!
.... ._.''' Way too much information.
~growls and shrieks~
Damn it! You really fucking need a spanking! -
well it's a bloody good job your hands ARE manicured in that case
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I don't think I was going for controversial Claire.
I was going for my roach clip and your underwear. -
OoOoOoOoOoOoo oOoOOOOOOoOoOoOoOOO somebody who smokes marijuana!!!!! goshhhhhh. how controversial.
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Except, that's not a cigarette.
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~cracks up~
Do you realize how easy it is to rile you all up? ^^-^^ LMAO
So testy... Did I hit a nerve? For someone who's so over sex... you certainly speak of it often enough. No worries though, babydoll. I'm only playing with you. ('cept maybe about the cigarette) -
Yes toes, that's a given.
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No, I'm just looking up more often than down,
and since a woman has yet to invent a Snatch-hat
I'm free to concentrate on more productive things
than the trivialities of physical relationships, and dumb love.
Hence, my ability to have achieved as much as I've
achieved in so little time. I owe it all to the fact that
sex, since it was my profession, served me, and not I, it,
savvy. So while others were moaning about dumb love
and lets have babies and get married, I was writing a book,
improving myself intellectually and spiritually to better my life,
and teaching myself ancient secrets in the library of the mind.
Edited on Apr 18, 11:29 because ''. -
Oh sweetheart... really... ~covers her mouth to stifle laughter~
~snatches that nasty cigarrette and crushes it pretty beneath my stilletto~
Now now... ~pats your head~ So so sorry... ~licks lips~ to hear that. It just seems like you haven't found the right pussy yet. -
LOL..This is VERY FUNNY AND really DIFFERENT..great job..manicured hands..how about toes?LOL
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FUNNY!!
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and here I thought that's what made you a better rock star...
this is what happens when they stop emphasizing spelling and neat penmanship in school. -
#7 you have an English Aunt who'll beat your arse if she sees you smoking.. !!! lololol.. 9 months now kiddo.. hehheh me GOOD!!
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#6. you rule..and you're hot.
great poem. i really liked it! -
#6 you're too sexy for this poem.
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You terrify me with the sheer overpowering majesty that is horus8! I quiver with excitement, and bow to you! and then all the angels get high and shout praise
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1. I'm 41 -- I don't remember what it was like to have enough hair to have a tint -- at my age you start worrying more about the word "shiny."
2. I live near the majestic mountain valleys of Northern California, but if I smoked marijuana, I'd lose the only remaining singular brain cell I have left.
3. I have the kind of mother who so loves me she lies and says I have a sense of humor.
4. I have small hands, which because that means I have small digits, makes me hope the legend of thumb-length and penis size is just that, a legend.
5. I must not be gay enough, because I am very hung up on what you claim you aren't.
6. I practice engineering, so I know this is one more than the number of fingers you are showing in your photo.
Seriously Horus, this was a VERY funny read. My comment is a pale shadow, but I had so much fun with your piece I had to try my own....
Edited on Apr 17, 8:24 p.m. because ''. -
Motherly love... wonderful isn't it ...
So... now we know what it is that makes you such a good writer...even better than good... If I take up smoking good pot, (or any kind of pot), get manicured rgurarly, don't get hung up on pussy, get a short haircut and dye my hair dark, forget how to count and continue to be a poet only a mother could love (oh, yeah, she's dead and gone already)...do ya think I could be a good writer, too ???? ...lol
A funny write, Jeremi, a nice respite from an otherwise dull Sunday.
Dee
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Do you get the American manicure? or just a cleaning and buff? I think it would be quite fun to paint a man's nails .. but I'm a mother.
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This definitely made me laugh. I can tell by reading this that modesty is among the wonderful traits listed in this poem... but that's ok, because you're funny in your cockiness so don't stop now!! Thanks for the laugh
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"3. The kind of sense of humor that only a mother could love." I have to agree with you and if I was your mommy, i'd probably drug you just to see how much more interesting and weird your writes can get. Not weed , though. I'm thinking along the lines of magic shrooms. "4. I have incredibly large-strong-manicured hands." quite an odd combination, i'd have to say. Overall, nice write and I gotta go get a cig after seeing the pic. Damn you!
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14. flaming polyester moustache... on the floor
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Are you looking at the picture?
Then refer to the object in the slot
located below my nose, and above my chin. -
ummm okay...interesting write...yeah self confidence is a great thing to have (something i lack)....um...do you seriously smoke marijuana? (really, well, not me)...anyways, who gives a crap if its me or not...well its a very interesting, different, never before seen write (atleast for me)...Keep Writing!!
Love lotz
pure -
Actually, calling it contemporary when it's actually humor, is even funnier.
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OMG after the day I have had this was a well needed laugh. Indeed all 5 of those reasons would make you a better poet than I
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You listed it under contemporary, you should have included humor. The humorus list and the title and of course the list of six things....would indicate humor.
Cheryl
Cheers!
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hehe... I love this, but if you couldn't count the numbers would be all mixed up, mix up the numbers, it would make it better and even more funny, if that's possible haha, Great job!
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Dear Kaleb's Mom;
It's humorus list, hence, the numbers, and the title
I can tell by your ah, depth... that you're a bright one. -
Uh, this is a poem or a story or what??? I guess everyone gets to brag once in a while. Thanks for sharing.
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this is a funny fucking write. By the way what the fuck you smoke, krypto? that is some great shit. Well anyways I needed the laugh and you gave it to me so I guess you deserve an applause.
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randomly odd, but funny..
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