The knife
trembles crimson in my hand
with the blood of your iniquity.
This fumbling hand
is sticky with your cursed blood
You taste like copper
Oh Lord, what have I done?
“Look at what you made me do!” I rage
as I kick your pathetic corpse,
which looks oddly contorted.
Your eyes stare frozen in disbelief.
Your not such a big man now,
are you?
Panic runs through me like
liquid fire.
I wasn’t going to use it
I swear
But when you saw
my intention of defense,
that glimmer in your eye
was madness.
Our laundry tumbles together
even now.
Your socks are probably
wound up in my shirt.
But never again
The rage I felt melts
It softens into sorrow.
No redemption for us now
Soon men in blue
Will surround our humble home
“Stay behind the yellow line”
They’ll say to rubberneckers
Am I destined for
an orange jumpsuit?
If only I had never met you
You
And your pummeling fists.
Author notes
I chose Anger
Written April 16th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Crime of Passion by Poetic Tasha by Partners In Crime.
450 points, ended June 13, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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Wow an angry write. Great read xxx
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I think you will look good in orange...what a great crime you have done...and while doing the laundry no less...good job of cooridinating all the tedious task in life...
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This is great full of anger and revenge, bastard got what he deserved, well in this poem he did !
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long
but well done 
Tasha
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He deserved it, how dare he lay a hand on you Well done poet good luck in the contest
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He got what he deserves...good for you
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I see that I read this when you first wrote it and I still think it's good I wish you good luck in the contest
I don't know if I can applaude this again... but you have my applause anyway.
Dee
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Very good work Sarah, I was captured from the start. Love the imagery best wishes to you in the contest
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depressing... but weird like.
Am I destined for
an orange jumpsuit?
indeed... too late for redemption.
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The rage I felt melts
It softens into sorrow.
No redemption for us now
Whoa! Sad, depressing, and weird. Amazing job. Dark and draws readers in. Like reading a short novel. Keep ur pen flowing. -thequeen" -
This is GOOD, Sarah, exceptionally so. The emotions run through this like wildfire. I'm glad it isn't for real for you......., but I can understand how a person could come to feel this way.
The last little verse is what really brings it all together... If only...
It's something how a moment filled with emotion, good or bad, can change our lives so quickly.
Excellent write
Dee
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Yes great poem. I'm thinking this is a life long ambition of yours, it sounds like it. Thank you, I like.
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My lifelong ambition is to kill someone? LOL I am thinking not so much!
Thanks for readıng wattle
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Great piece of work ....
Such a great piece of work you wrote, and all from reading a book
I wonder what you would do like for real with a knife in your hands
But he has to get wat he deservesso there will be no remorse..
Just a wonderful poem by your hand
XXJeannette
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Thank you Wolf mıstress!
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Brilliant
Sarah this is a fabulous piece, so much emotion of hate and revenge in it, i love it. It's nice to read that the woman gets her own back. Excellent my friend
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Thank you for readıng Andy. I havent been able to get on lıne much lately but I need to be sure and return the read.
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Sometimes those knives get a mind of their own. No telling what they might do Excellent poem
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Ya, thats what I saıd to the judge but he locked me up for lıfe anyways. HAHA just kıddın. It could work though. The knıfe was SPEAKING to my character. Just ask her, she wıll tell ya. LOL
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Excellent poem, when a man beats a woman i think he deserves whatever she can do back at him, just my opinion.
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*Sigh* Just... no.
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Abuse can drive a person to murder, of an abusive husband in your poem, or of a child murdering an abusive parent or other adult. It is sad that it is so hard to prove it was done in self defence, when the scars outside are healed, and those inside bleed... I wish you best of luck in the contest! You have my applause!
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Good
This is a nice poem. I like it. You did good job. Good luck in my contest. I hope that you will continue writing and have a wonderful day! -
all hail ceasar,
thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!
Sarah -
this was awesome, i thought the expression in it was beautifully written, i like how you expressed your self
thank you for entering and good luck
-caesar- -
I agree it is a powerful piece with images that translate directly to the mind. The way in which you have structured this piece positively reflects an enveloping mindset. Tony.
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good job
Such stories are so widely met all over the world...and they're always sad stories.Nice opening,by the way.Indeed,after doing a thing like this it's like waking up from a bad dream.Also,the second stanza captures well the need of passing the guilt of doing such a thing (this line proves it: "Look at what you made me do!")
.Nice imagery,all stanzas are well conected and they show different states of mind that you are going through("waking up",the rage that gave you power,justification,desperation and sorrow,sensation of fainting and in the end the resignation...).A powerful poem Sarah957,good luck and keep writing 
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Great
That was very interesting. It was filled with alot of rage and hate. this is a really powerful poem. I liked the imagery that you put into your words also. This is a great poem, I hop eto read more from you soon.
~Audrey Rose~ -
WOW...this is powerful...and a fantastic piece....I loved it...this is great...
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This is fantastic. I really loved these lines, they made me laugh probably because I'm demented, lol.
"“Look at what you made me do!” I rage
as I kick your pathetic corpse,
which looks oddly contorted.
Your eyes stare frozen in disbelief.
Your not such a big man now,
are you?"
That is just fantastic, I love it. Thanx so much for the entry. I love your work. -
NIce though emotional
A successful approach to the situation of abusee. We see the protagonists passionate reaction to being forced to diminish themselves by killing someone as a defence. Their strength of belief is challenged by the situation and their self delusion reduced to remorse. However, it is obvious that this persom feels an absolute remorse for their actions and the level of emotionalattachment speaks of a love gone sour. I wrote "Inner Strength"
Edited on Jun 11, 7:25 p.m. because ''. -
You
And your pummeling fists.
wow the end just blew me away....you have really done an amazing job with the content.
and i must commend your title as well..i loved it!!
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wooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww this was truly amazing I loved it! Wow!
Hugs Nicci (brokenangel1411)
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wow,wow,wow. I love this.good job in the contest, you definetly deserved the trophy.Wow, thats all i can say...-Alea-
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wow,wow,wow. I love this.good job in the contest, you definetly deserved the trophy.Wow, thats all i can say...-Alea-
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oh my gosh.. this is awesome. amazing. possibly one of the best i have read in a while. i love the metaphores and similes you used... i think my favorite was
Panic runs through me like
liquid fire.
that is an awesome line. keep up the good work. write on!
~Jenni~ -
Striking write!
A powerful poem with sharp and striking imagery. I like the line "You taste like copper". The lanundry part is very unique too. You've said alot in a few lines about how people can be made to reach a point where murder is the only thing that seems appropriate. Life can be so trying and testing at times.
All the very best in poetry and life,
Charishma -
Thank you gothangle, I try to embrace the craziness from time to time
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wow...this was a crazy poem....nice job... i loved it...your crazy and i loved that...i love poems like these...nice job and good luck in my contest
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My name is Danna, with an A, pottyann4500, and she ASKED me to critique the poem for her.
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momentarylapse,
I know, I know. I think in cliche! I can't help it! The laundry part is my favorite as well. Thanks for commenting!
sarah -
Well, it looks as if Donna Hobart has certainly raked you over the hot coals (cliche) enough that no once else should have to. I really didn't think it was a bad write. Yes, it could use a little bit of work, but it certainly doesn't need all that. When you get a critique that seems really harsh, check the author. When did they join, and how many trophies do they have? I think if you do that, you may be pleasantly surprised by my own critique of your work.
This held many memories for me. My mother was an abused wife for 35 years. My father died of a heart attack, and God gave my mother a reprieve. Your poem, although not perfect, holds a great deal of emotion and well-earned savvy. A good job.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia -
i loved the laundry bit.so don't change that.murder seem like a good idea after reading this.hehehe.some lines did sound cliche.good,over all.
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Great write, that seems all to real in some cases. Good luck in the contest.
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i liked it too, over the top but stuff like this does happen so what's over the top? i liked the stanza about the his socks and your shirts tumbled together, it was different. you defo have a unique style, i enjoyed reading this
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I like the line you taste like copper.
Somewhat overdone, I agree, probably because few people if anyone can relate to this. But nice write, very descriptive. -
awsome
i like if u get a chance check mine out -
Not to bad overall,a few parts were a bit overdone but all in all it worked very well.Good job. Very good feelings given in this one..Good write.
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Some interesting thoughts. There are some interesting phrases in here. A few cliches, but overall a very entertaining read. You take a common subject, and give it your own unique spin. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you, you're very sweet. This is my personal favorite of my poems. I asked Danna to pick it apart though! I wanted it to be the best it could be. I'm off to look at one of your poems now!
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very good
a very good poem. personally i would've ended it at 'but never again.' the laundry line is so wonderful. and that last but never bit says it all on so many different levels. dana hobart sounds as though she needs to write her own poem....oops. i meant this sarcastically, but i've since read some of her work, and i've added her to my favorites.
Edited on Apr 23, 10:17 because ''. -
I like this poem very much. It made an impact. Good luck.
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Excruciatingly true!
OMG, Sarah....
"An odd thought-
Our laundry tumbles together
even now.
Your socks are probably
wound up in my shirt.
But never again"
You have hit it right on the nail....er...bone! How enmeshing these relationships are. some day you and I will sit down over coffee and have us a little heart to heart.
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I rage
'as I kick your pathetic corpse,
which is looking oddly contorted
and freakishly lifeless.' -This has gotta be the best part...Its funny for me, yet dark. I really enjoyed reading your poem. Good Luck.
~Ill~
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IT WAS REALLY COOL AND TWISTED LOVE YEA TODD
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awsome job! written real good. awsome concept keep up the good writing. good imagination!!
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A very emotional write. The imagery was good and the concept behind the poem even better. This is a sad tale, but one so true and happening all across the world even as I write this comment. Well done
Ruth -
Wow!
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This is a good write. keep it up!
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