I'm gonna paint a picture,
a picture with a twist
and I'm gonna paint it right here upon my wrist.
So everyone can see
what you have done to me.
The blood can only pour
come on and show me more.
I am dizzy now
and I hit the floor.
You hear the commotion
and come running through the door,
you see me on the floor,
my life is no more.
with a knife in one hand
and a note in the other.
Sorry it begins
for leaving so soon
I never said goodbye to you or anyone.
I love you all
but I couldn't take anymore
so now I am gone
please forgive me.
And that was my suicide
Author notes
Written April 15th, 2005
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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wow. amazing write. its so short to explain a whole life yet sums up the feeling of the suicidal easily. flows nicely and very emotional and hurt. i have a friend who hung himself 2 yrs ago and this reminds me very much of him. nice wrte.
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wow that was awsome. i live dark poems like that. they seem to show more emotion then the ones about happy things, but thats just what i think. anyways great write.
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exelent
love it, strong rythm, good rhyme. sort of lost ti towards the end, but well done, and please dont die :'(
Dean XxxX XxxX XxxX XxxX -
Awsome job. I like the metaphors, its really good, it clearly shows that you are committing suicide from the begining to the end of the poem, but it is still very interesting as well. Great job.
Tina
xoxoxoxoxoxox -
This was very deep but very brilliant the cutting of of your wrist to paint the picture is very twisted but it also very creative you are a very talented person with a great flow of emotions again very brilliant
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I honestly think that this is a great poem, and I want to thank you for such a great review on mine. The only thing that took away from the power of your poem was that it started off rhyming and then throughout your rhyming became inconsistent. IT is still however, an excellent poem.
~noir
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hey that was really good. i especially liked the first stanza, it drew me in because it was really interesting how you put it. nice job, keep up the good work.
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i love it so much your a great writer, beautiful poem and very descriptive. I have heard the first stanza in other poems tho... so i don't know about that, even though i like those first lines very much but whatever, great poem!
<3 Rachel -
i really relate to this great write keep it up
avec amour *~Krymsin Kyss~* -
this is good... i like it. vivid pic in my mind. nice write. xoxo
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I'm not sure why but I am rather fond of writing about my own demise. I suppose it's just some odd fascination about my mortality but it sure is a good release. This was a good read, keep up the great work.
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Awesome
Great poem very vivid very descriptive. Good job with the rhyme scheme. Keep up the good work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ye Irish Lad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -
pretty good
I enjoyed reading this and I really liked the picture. It's pretty good, but there's still some room for improvement,if you know what I mean. anyway, you did well.
Mateja
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The rhyming was ok but it could improve. You did really good on this but it wasn't my favorite suicide poem if you know what I mean. Good work so far and I DID enjoy reading it...
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A very powerful poem, with a structure that works well. The image you've posted with it is also very effective is capturing the dark, desolate mood.
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i've never thought of cutting yourself as "painting a picture on your wrist". VERY creative. i've read your work before, but this is probably my favorite so far of yours. i love the picture that you chose! great job, and thanks for sharing! <3becca
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This is a very well written and vivid poem. You did well in writing it. Shouldn't it be "You hear the commotion" instead of "here" though.
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