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Intelligent Design

 

 

 

 

 

 Synopsis and notes might help before reading

Intelligent Design

FROM FORM 'MORF' 



I, dot, would score, scour ocean floor,
you too were dot, not more.
We'd LOOP the LOOP in primaeval soup
our POOL genes POOL core corps.
We'd POLO here, there POLO for
none then knew scoop could droop.
We'd grin, twin core to win encore
no sour sin, hour, no law !

No fairies, flowers' fragrant bower,

nor need, nor greed for power.

No men’s omens, hymns, amens dour,

no hymen’s Babylonian tower -
no cause because nor clause, paws' claws, 
no doors, chores, flaws, no pause.

 


I'd stoop, you'd swoop, with helluva whoop -
no care, unfair dis....pair.
Above, below, we'd group, regroup
all with no 'mal[e] de mer'.
Amino here, ah me ! know there
was troop on tropic troop,
we'd pair, repair, again prepare
see sea combine with air.

We'd twirl, we'd whirl, like a hoola-hoop
around, around some more,
in tune to moon as cock-a-hoop
we'd twin, to spin restore.
Linked chain would roam upon Time's foam,
off shore s[p]aw[n], sink or soar,
’neath starry dome in mono chrome,
no after, no before !

We'd skirl, we'd swirl, up, down would curl,
ages of practised ease,
we'd furl, unfurl, in endless whorl,
world with no word disease.
When I was girl and you my pearl,

no men, to bend, no knees, -
no need but feed we all agreed
to speed on pretty please !

No peg was round, no hole square found,
when round and round half, whole,
ringed whole half bound by no compound
too stable. Time redoled
quad code surround life force around
niche roles from pole to pole.
Unsound were some, some sound, none crowned
with soul, goal, go[a]d, control.

Though question begs, we had no legs,
nor sought to understand, -
we were the dregs from which All pegs
its story book to hand.
We by degrees, through fire and freeze
rose from a twisting band
to all one sees through seven seas
in water, air, and land.

LAYER would RELAY by night and day
Y REAL would, EARLY, wait
in reel we'd feel we'd feel - this way
all could participate.
Blown ONION clone ON I ON loan
ionosphere alone.
No chromosome, no chronos zone,
no wear, no tear, none lone.

We'd dance to chance as all advance
tomorrow WAS SAW today,
electrons free charged you and me
with mission key to play
from cause/effect to Man erect -
elected some would say -
but Man's a phase, an empty phrase
on evolution's way.

.

BEYOND YE BOND, before spore, frond,

FREE on REEF miocene,

we'd LEAP, PEAL, monde, in ocean, pond,

HOMY ? OH MY ! what scene !

Both black and blond could thus respond -

back, front, as same was seen -

in rondo fond knew no despond,

th[l]ink ‘common errs’ kink queen.

.

This VERSES SERVES, through learning curves

TIME'S TIDE DIETS EDITS,

EMITS MITE'S swerves, all ITEMS pervs,

no value judgement sits

on PAST, TAPS nerves with morals verve

refuses to admit.

DEW WED RESERVES surprise deserves

REVERSES SURE, RUSE writ.

.

AIM I AM splice to WE IS - WISE,

STREAM'S MASTERS all, explored

before lice, rice, mice, pure or vice,

the protein chains which stored

Man's gene device which in a trice

sees stable links restored.

No 'ugly', 'nice' in fire and ice,

religions were abhorred. 

 

Each THREAD no DEARTH of wealth gave Earth,

biodiversity,

chance gifted worth, some death, some birth, 

as opportunity

to find true berth, to wind, unearth

niche branches on life's tree -

expanding girth Man calls with mirth

'his' genealogy.

.

In RING we'd GRIN as out and in,

and in and out without

a doubt begin and end, no sin

know - not the slightest doubt.

Win/win we'd spin, ere flesh or fin

food chains devised, we flout

God's origin as Man's odd kin  

[r]evolving roundabout.


Inside was outside, outside in,
with no dividing line, -
we’d do without ‘without’, ‘within’,
but ever intertwine
ignoring every moral gin,
played vine, grape, lees and wine,
no angels danced upon a pin,
no hypocrites to whine !

.

Ah me ! amoeba’s form from storm
original to worm
went squiggle wriggle, - then no norm
defined existed – term
invented to give guiding cue
to those whose epiderm
and ethics hairless grew, who’d woo
one sect, one spouse, no germ !

My coil with toil from sea to soil
rose from primaeval beach,
the tide we'd ride - some turned to oil -
to show there's reach in each
to change arrange - styles passing strange -
despite strange Kansas preach.
The basic code stays à la mode
the generations teach...

From ape to man mutating plan
expanded over time,
no date began, none ends the span
as human pantomime
is but a stage which slave and wage
conceived, believed a crime,
but when life’s page leads to New Age,
will ever poet rhyme ?

Some say through sin redemption win, -
‘intelligent design’
inset to whet hopes thin they pin
on certainty divine
without the which they cannot stitch
through life of strife straight line,
alternate pitch hold poor, not rich,
may compromise set shrine.

Thoughts heretic hold wasting wick
which must itself consume,
to fixed line stick, on others pick
as sentenced to dark tomb.
One truth deduce – Hand did produce
some superhuman loom
and then set loose the sacred goose
to save man from sin's doom.

Who query climb from seabed slime
to homo sapiens
don't care a dime for threats to clime
from man's invasive trends
prefer prime-time's polluted grime -
jest blessed by best 'amens'.
Believe that time through endless time
plays out planned requiems.

At all events some Peter's pence
provide, and daily pray
for guidance whence God's evidence
may spring, sting wayward, gay.
Devoid of sense, 'intelligence'
'divine' they say Man's way,
began, - intense, spare no expense
to show 'design' at play.

Verse worldywise some curse supplies
an overview to plead
that chance suprise from chaos buys
Man, monkey.  Key indeed
in deed must rise as acts advise, -
not Acts the future feed, -
not Heaven's skies, but causal ties
think links beyond base crede.

One could flow on but some upon
Earth pan attention span,
feel overdone more words than one ! -
hide-bound mind-sets deadpan.
Feel for 'such stuff' four lines enough -
where awe's applause they'd pay.
Through smooth and rough, think groove, act tough
to prove G[o]od's interplay.

Most sit on fence in self-defence,
as arguments they weigh,
to all intents expedience
allows cowards leeway.
Good sense prevents portents' pretence -
who'd welcome overstay ?
My pen repents, I fold poor tents,
tip forelock, slip away.

 


 

Author notes

robi3_1210_robi3_0000 WQX_JNZ

Words in royal blue or turquoise : From form morph /loop polo pool ... anagrams

Bracketed words s[p]aw[n] have several meanings spawn, pawn, awn, aw(e), saw, spa span etc

th[l]ink ‘common errs’ kink queen.

think link ink ... commoners king  or common errs kink

'mal[e] de mer' mal de mer French : Seasickness mal de mère : homesickness male de mer sick of men ?

Miocene: Period from 25 million to 13 million years ago; appearance of grazing mammals
____________

Time redoled : time doled out again and again - freely shared



This should provide a clear synopsis


This traces the evolution from primaeval soup to today through underscoring the world before words and tracing the development of Evolution basic chains
"rose from a twisting band" to the amoeba
"Inside was outside, outside in" to mankind
"from cause/effect to Man erect"
and beyond
"but Man's a phase, an empty phrase
on evolution's way."
and presents an evolutionary case despite the opinions of the recently defeated Kansas Board of Education anti Darwinian legislation
"despite strange Kansas preach."

Thus "From ape to man mutating plan
expanded over time,
no date began, none ends the span
as human pantomime
is but a stage "

and "Who query climb from seabed slime
to homo sapiens ?"
...the poem reiterates the belief
"time through endless time
plays out planned requiems"

See also
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intelligent_design
__________
© Jonathan Robin 13 April 2005, 16 November 2006, 17 August 2008

Verses written April 2005 : part 1.2.3 first half 4-8.16.
Verses written November 2006 3 second half, 5.14.15.17-24
Verses written August 2008 part 1 9-13
___________

pics Chimp Champ Man
http://www.flickr.com/photos/manuperez/231244510/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/manuperez/380741174/

pic Creation of Adam - Michelangelo
http://www.teslasociety.com/art.htm

pic toadstool Amy Ross
http://www.flickr.com/photos/amyross/2130250222/

pic mushroom wreath Amy Ross
http://www.flickr.com/photos/amyross/2215878458/

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 89 of 89

  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know how you do this
    I can't seem to stop reading although I feel as if is going to pop off
    and quite often reread.
    evolution perhaps lends you a hand
    amazing skill you appear to have mastered
    and always profound with commonsense throughout
    as I write and no not like this at all
    much much more simple
    I often wonder can I llive what I write
    if I believe it to be true
    if not what would be the point of writing

    again your talent is unique
    exquisite
    God bless you my friend...





  • trekker02
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I can say this: I'm going to have to read this again and think on this in great detail. You put so much energy into this poem, so many deep and vital thoughts and yet it carries with it a certain whimsical tone to it, helped along by the meter and rhyme scheme. I'll comment again once I've digested it some more.


  • sinfull
    September 11

    Edit | Reply

    An epic swoop that looped de loop

    Whew! That was more like a fabulous ride through some new disneyland- learn- where- you- come- from ride complete with visuals popping out of nowhere !
    Truly well done in presentation and content...can find no fault. Tip forelock, indeed.


  • Heavenly Angel gold member
    August 31

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written!
    You obviously put a lot of time into this piece and it shows!
    Wishing you the best of the best,
    ~Heavenly~


  • sylzara
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    The way you used words was incredible, the idea of brackets representing words with several meanings was unique. I am sure every sentence, and even individual word, could be read infinitely with a different meaning. I like your structure as well. In the begging when you were talking about more primitive creatures like amebas, and algae, it was playful and fun. When you got to humans you got serious. Very good poem. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • K-a-r-s
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    This a very nice poem. Is confused me some of the time. But is was pretty good and must have taken a lot of time. I applaud the effort you put into this good job.
    And Good Luck in the contest.


  • whitecoffee
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    W O W. This was a delightful journey of sound to me and rhythm. I could hear it in my head, it was mesmerising. This gave me the same indescribable feeling I get when I think about our origins and evolution, or when I see tadpoles squirming around with no direction. Thank you so much for entering this.

  • lol I think that I had to read that a couple times over to fully grasp all the context and thought that you placed into it. A very well written peice that is truely thought envoking. I look forward to reading more of your works! Thank you so much for sharing this peice and remember to never stop penning.

    ~lamia

  • Superb Plus +

    Ah, once again, a fine write from your talented quill. You always express yourself quite well. My belief is that the Supreme Being used the process of evolution to create man. So, evolution is intelligent design. Thanks for sharing this one with us.

  • RoshniD
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    If in writing, you have ever aimed to stretch the reader's brain, you have certainly accomplished it with this poem. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks!


  • Tristania
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    Well that was something!My goodness it was more than I could ever have expected and I loved the pics!The poem itself was a bit on the long side and that kind of overwhelmed me,but ignoring that,I found it was actually very different from anything I've ever read before....you have a style all your own and I applaud the effort you put into it!Love the creativity!Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck in all your future ventures in the writting realm!


  • bigperm gold member
    January 13

    Edit | Reply

    love your level of devotion to this piece...

    I like the progression of wordplay...as if to chronicle not only life's progression, but also that of communication. Kudos for all of your research and effort.


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, huh? I liked it....Can't say I read all of it, though. Not that it was particularly long, but the word play was just too much right after breakfast. Perhaps I will come back and read again.
    Best of luck in the contests.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • hawkeslake gold member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very interesting read, but unfortunately, the contest is limited to 30 lines, and this is many, many more than that. I appreciate the chance to read this, but it won't be considered in the contest.


  • Rizzie
    September 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very long. but a good write. thanks for the entry

  • ea silver member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the interest in the contest and congrats on the previous silver.

  • aaaaaaaa
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is interesting.. I'll have to delve into it a bit deeper. usually I don't read your stuff 'cuz ever since you blocked me when I first came here I've been scared to click but religious discussion fascinates me greatly so I wanted to see. some nice thoughts in here.. say didn't you block me? why'd you unblock me by the way? I never sent an e-mail to you

    anyway great write..

  • Woodstock
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I would also like mention you've done a a triffic job in responding to comments.

  • Woodstock
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Unbelievable

    This was far and away one of the most masterfully done pieces I have ever read, the formation of every line and rhyme would challenge Poe himself. A real treat for a fan of the poetic machine. Bravo.

  • Dobar Dan
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Gotta Go -

    Library closes in 5 minutes - Will comment later - and re-read - gotta go - hugsd ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joe


  • Life is a Beach gold member
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is amazing! Unique! I'd like to have been inside your brain when you wrote this! Pam


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    May 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    That was WILDDDDDDDD.......

    so much to chew upon and enjoy..i was giggling and laughing enjoying this .....abstract and cleverly intelligent poem....wondering how much fun was this to
    write! now I must share with you the splendor..as that
    was this contest theme...the splendor of our creation,
    and man's ability to exactly intrepret the specifics,
    and how's and why's of our existance and evolving nature's???.....that is splendor in itself....laughing,
    we in the 21st century can't seem to agree on even
    science...except that the world is round, sort of...
    i loved this poem....it was pulling and very intellectual
    to read..pulled on us!
    well done! that last pic...was great...now that would
    be an altar alright! omg!
    lol
    ears/Seattle loved it!


  • aslanlight
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I could almost think you were claiming that intelligent design is an accurate description of the universe's beginnings because the way you portray evolution makes it sound like each step of the way contains some form of intelligence.
    I admire your unique style and don't think I've ever read anything quite like it! Or as long! (kidding)
    There's much to commend this but it'd take me a long time to go through it and it's late, suffice to say you have a great talent as a poet.

    Peace Georgia


  • Shahrazad
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is one of those poem where after reading it, I admit defeat that I am not aware of the subject matter at hand. It sounds good- sounds well thought out and carefully written. I'll have to reread it after looking into the subject a little more. It would be unfair to discard this poem just because I am not currently aquainted with it's subject. Thanks for entering it in the contest!


  • Alexander Hine
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very fine and interesting write. I am a theist myself, though I staunchly defend (to the best of my abilities) the "theory" of evolution. I think you have done some very interesting things with language in this poem and, though the style became a little tiring towards the end, perseverance was rewarding. I liked the 'evolution' of words (POOL, LOOP, POLO etc.) - very clever! I must admit I don't no what you mean by "no cause because no clause!", but that is probably my fault not the poem's.
    There were a few things which I thought were odd and off-topic, eg. the lines about 'changing climes' (global warming, I presume) - global warming has nothing to do with religion or evolution theory, it is in fact the result of our natural tendencies, that is, a result of evolution...just felt that needn't be there.
    Overall, very good, imaginative us of language.
    K. F.


  • drybones
    June 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This got my amino acids in an uproar. If evolution is subject to natural law, then there is a problem with the law of cause and effect. For every effect, there must be a cause. Science cannot regress time back to a cause without a cause. Certainly, micro-evolution is a fact; however, the is no evidence to support macro-evolution. At any rate, I enjoyed this piece. It is very clever.


    • Lyndon gold member
      March 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      I am sorry

      but Science can defend vigorously macro-evolution. I cannot understand what the problem is. Australians do not get in the bind Americans do over Science versus Religion. The Bible is not nor can it ever be a textbook on Science. Literalists who make the Bible infallible, their God, will tie themselves in knots if they try to use their God-given brains!

      • drybones
        March 13, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Lyndon,

        I was a little confused when I read your comments regarding my poem, "Which Shall It Be?" On closer examination,however, I realized you had inadvertently posted a comment regarding a poem titled "Intelligent Design" and somehow sent it to me by mistake.


  • katina
    February 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I have studied a little about Natural Selection, and then took a class in Ontological Arguments as a sophomore in college. Taking classes such as these can either make or break a confused student’s perception of evolution. A genealogist once told me, "Why couldn't God have created evolution."

    I am still searching for that "unanswered" question. Not likely to ever feel satisfied without "seeing" some type of proof. I believe that maybe, just maybe the idea of "faith" plays a significant hand to why we are still searching for answers.

    With all of the new advances in technology, and in other forms of research, the one question all of man kind would like to know, may have been "designed" not to give away the plans.

    I continue to search for answers, and after a recent scare of my own with "life" and "death" I may have to critique my views, I just may have to have a certain amount of faith--to really find what I am searching for, but may find it in this life.

    The poem was great
    Thanks, this gave me a chance to review philosophy and scientific theories. Great.

    • Lyndon gold member
      March 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Faith in God

      does not imply a blind acceptance of the Bible, literally. Science and Christianity, for one who believes in Christ ~ a modernist of modernists for His times ~ poses no problems. Evolution of a painting ends in a sometimes wonderful creation by the painter. An argument over the semantics of evolution and creation is a nonsense. Slowly, we are discovery God's ways with universe. Why the hang-up of milliuons of Americans when the rest of the world sees no problem? Long live our faith in God. Long live the scientific process. Damnation to the devil in those who would confuse millions from entering into God's grace.


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    February 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great meter, and some excellent wordplay in this, I quite like the way LOOP is played with in the beginning. POOL and LOOP combined with gene go a long way to set the premise ( in my view )

    Having done a fair deal of reading on the subject, I'm familiar with evolutions tree, and life's rise from the Archaean.

    As much though, as I do like this, I think it would benefit if shortened. The message is good, but hidden in layers of rhyme.




  • Kromus
    January 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i was scared...

    hmm...34...53..65..34..32..64 lines...180..

    Haha, dont worry, it was a fantastic peice, and you really REALLY thought about this, and at first it seems gobbydigoop, but then if you really take it apart, you realise its structure, and how prodigious it is.

    Its not quite my sort of peice, but a excellent flowing and brillaint verse i read in this has got to be
    'From ape to man mutating plan
    expanded over time,
    no date began, none ends the span
    as human pantomime
    is but a stage which slave and wage
    conceived, believed a crime,
    but when life’s page leads to New Age,
    will ever poet rhyme ? '
    - the thought that when into one verse, overruns that of which can go into one poem, the fact is, this one particular verse was brillaint, and really flowed to my likeing, and your words are brillaint and wierd and the same time, however, your author notes are brillaint, im glad you included them.

    Overall, this is fantastic, well thought out, and poetically speaking, perfect. its very good, alot of personal reflect as gone into this, which is brillaint, the more the merryier

    Well done


  • January 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very Nice.

    This is full of lots of references to the argument of "Intellegent Design". It is well structured and a very swift read. Bravo!


  • PerVirtuous
    January 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very clever! I approve.

  • alice sunderland
    January 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    love the use of (((()))), anagrams etc etc. AND - love the whole poem. its a real 'work-out' for the head. i may not hav 'got' it all - but hey - im reading it again for sure"!!


  • TJCasser
    January 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely unique. A little long for me, but certainly a well-crafted write.


  • MissStranger
    January 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BRILLIANT

    "we'd furl, unfurl, in endless whorl -
    world with no word disease,
    when I was girl and you my pearl, -
    no men, to bend, no knees, -
    no need but feed we all agreed
    to speed on pretty please"......

    " Most sit on fence in self-defence,
    as arguments they weigh,
    to all intents expedience
    allows cowards leeway.
    Good sense prevents incense pretence, -
    who'd welcome overstay "....
    ....these were some of my fav lines here!My brain is so happy! One of the most challanging poems around here!Weeeeell done!


  • FlosInCapite
    December 16, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice

    I really enjoyed this; your capacity for lyricim is unquestionable--plus, you're one of the waning few who actually use meter, making me an automatic fan. You have employed several operose devices with seeming facility: an internal rhyme scheme, punctilious meter, etc.; however, I feel that this may be both your strength and your flaw. Your mellifluous glibness is clearly a strength, but it seems that your very strict scheme obfuscates your meaning in a few places. Additionally, some of your devices--please don't be offended; this is, of course, one person's opinion--seem almost indulgent; i.e., you are being clever for the sake of cleverness. The anagrams are a very nice show of intellect, and I thought them a very witty addition, but they occur so intermittently and almost adventitiously that they seem like afterthoughts, like you went back into the poem and tried to dress it up. Don't construe this the wrong way; they are clever, but their cleverness may be something of an impediment to your poetry. All in all, though, this is genius.


  • Serene
    April 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Unsure of how to respond to this, usually I leave a dot or two, carving the impressions delved from the depths of me, love the word play, exceptional images shared...like very much!


  • leo2
    April 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It's full to the brim of rhyme and cleverness. Thanks for sharing this with me.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long

  • mysticangel
    April 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow, that's all i can say. excellent word play. i have never read a poem that has such good flow to it but is still rhyming and has so much word play. good job. excellent actually keep it up!!!!!!!!!!

  • Little Midnight
    April 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ah...I love your poetry. It fills me (it really does b/c your poems are a mouthful ) to the brim with smiles and subtle laughs of an early morning. Very nicely written...as always! Keep up the good work my friend.

    My favorite stanzas were the ones that began:
    "We'd skirl, we'd swirl, up, down would curl..." and
    "We'd dance to chance as all advance"

    Ah...I love to rhyme! And read it as well. Gotta love this poem. Sooo bookmarked.


  • Rj
    April 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Generally this had a nice flow and rhythem. I tend to like narrative or story poems. Might have preferred a profound ending or a punch line conclusion rather than a swipe at AP readers. It may not be deserved, but didn't do much for the rest of your work.

    In any event thank you for inviting me by, if I may return the favor and refer you to a longish humorous write I have done do drop by allpoetry.com/poem/861329 and check it out. Hope it appeals to you.


  • Night Hope gold member
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    'but Man's a phase, an empty phrase
    on evolution's way.

    I should flow on but some upon
    AP's attention span
    feel overdone more words than one
    when one does dare to scan.
    Feel for 'such stuff' four lines enough -
    where they applause would pay -
    So "I'll fold my tents and to all intents
    as silently steal away !"'


    {grins atcha & offers silent Homage} Wanda

    Edited on Apr 13, 10:35 p.m. because ''.


  • King Bongmaster
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was very VERY unique, it was a very nice break from the norm, it was off the wall and happy it threw seriousness to the wind and went on about its own special path of well worded weirdness. Good Job.


  • Pookiebubu
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for suggesting this poem to me! I loved it! Nice play on words. It flows very well. Each line led into the next. Thank you for using your talent and sharing your work on here!


  • belac
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    yeah well you had some nice rhyming but I wasn't really following this poem from the start, it was confusing and I guess I'm just not use to reading stuff like this. I did like the last part of it tho
    -
    I should flow on but some upon
    AP's attention span
    feel overdone more words than one
    when one does dare to scan.
    Feel for 'such stuff' four lines enough -
    where they applause would pay -
    So "I'll fold my tents and to all intents
    as silently steal away !"
    -
    That was the best part of this whole poem.


  • BattleOfBlood
    April 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I...do not even know what to say....nope...speachless...lol..
    Blessed be,
    Lefay


  • Watuwant silver member
    April 13, 2005
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    This is quite good, and your grasp of language and word usage is superb. This one must have taken awhile to write. It is very creative and provocative! Thanks for sharing...
    peace
    doug


  • deadheartedkitty
    April 13, 2005
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    ............ this is an interesting piece.........a bit confusing, but good.......


  • Overly Analytical
    April 13, 2005
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    Cute and clever. You lost me a few times on where you were going with this... but I'm not sure if I wasn't lost before I read it lol. Anyway, your rythem got off in a few stanzas on really weird lines but other than that your poem was excellent. Thanks for the great read!
    ~dani~


  • Kiwiberry
    April 13, 2005
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    A big round of applause!!! Everything has been said for me!


  • ArieLLeGiSeLLe
    April 13, 2005
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    I really loved this piece! I wonder how long it took you to write? It is such a clever concept and i really have no idea what you were getting at but nonetheless, it was awesome


  • Luciferschild
    April 13, 2005
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    there isnt much i can say about this besides it has amazing rhyme, it had alot of meaning too, very nicely done


  • Cynicism101
    April 13, 2005
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    Great fun with the word play, and the breaking down of the words is always good too (especially the latinish, greekish ones). Nice work.


  • CountryCousin
    April 13, 2005
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    Very good

    I really had to get into this one and read it through and then I started to get it. A very interesting play on words and reversal of the words.


  • suseann
    April 13, 2005
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    Amazing

    You had to write a funny for me to relate to your poetic ability.Not your fault,but my lack of intellect.This one was wonderful,could have gone on forever.Oh GOD,what did I start with that line.Just kidding.You did a top-notch funny.And had an air of fantasy as well.Can you see me?I'm giving you a much deserved standing ovation.Bravo,Author-Author.Loved this write,Suseann


  • tink
    April 13, 2005
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    This is very confusing at the beginning but as I read on, I was intrigued. You have a way with words and you know where to put certain expressions. Good work!


  • Balladeer
    April 13, 2005
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    Reading this made me hungry. Think I'll try some prime evil soup and crackers.

    Amazing how you can make words flow with dis ease you seem to have and there is little doubt you're a scrabble rouser on a regular basis.

    Write on, garzon!

  • rubytearsfall
    April 13, 2005
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    THis is really awsome. Ive never read another poem like adn probably neer will. I can't say i totallly understand it but i did enjoy reading it


  • naravin
    April 13, 2005
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    Unequivical

    Quick as a whip you wip to a quip.


  • AudreyTyler
    April 13, 2005
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    Wow this is so unbelievably cool. So creative. It really takes guts to use a lot of the words you did in a poem. applause


  • Lestat de lioncourt
    April 13, 2005
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    hey this is really good i like this piece.


  • Crackertl82
    April 13, 2005
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    good job

    clever wordplay, good job, different, and interesting, i enjoyed reading this, it was hard to read at first until i found the flow of it, thanks for featuring this, i look forward to reading more from you in the future, crackertl82
    Please return the favor by commenting on my song lyrics, Through The Glass, this is supposed to be the title track for my first album, and I am trying to get everybody’s honest opinion on it if possible, I’d really appreciate it, please and thank you, Crackertl82.

    The link is posted below, and it would be much appreciated, Crackertl82…allpoetry.com/Poem/1141161

    www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=G8A8REE&key=RSQ


  • blondeoverblue
    April 13, 2005
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    Brilliantly crafted as always, I wouldn't expect anything less Wonderful word play.

    Kat xxx


  • Loren
    April 13, 2005
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    You know I love your work to pieces, but for once I can't even get close to understanding it! Good work all the same, because one can still apreciate the language used etc.


  • Simbelmyne
    April 13, 2005
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    How do you do it? *shakes head in wonder* Brilliant.


  • ShaShay
    April 13, 2005
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    And you call THIS poetry? Sometimes I have to remind myself that we actually are trying to get to the same place by using different roads. I admire your choice of routes but they are not mine. You do such a great job with your style, I am in awe of your talent.
    ~~~POO~~~


  • Utok Bulinaw
    April 13, 2005
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    There you go again Jonathan..witty, witty, witty
    Your playful rhymes
    And clever lines
    Just make me whine
    IN LAUGHTER!

    And yes, this is my 2nd fav after Brahma Revisited. The last stanza made me laugh. Since I was already getting sleepy after I read your Paradox of Sperm and Ova plus I read this lengthy poem of yours..it almost made me sleep until I read the last lines and it woke me hehehe. Hilarious and witty indeed! Cheers to you!
    How I wish I could rhyme words like you, I wonder where did you get a rhyming dictionary so I could buy one myself!

    --ERIS--

    By the way, I hope I could applaud a 100 times for this. Anyway just pretend my applause could multiply to 100.


  • DizzyLizzy
    April 13, 2005
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    Once again I doff my coiff to you!

    Oh how simple life would be if we were an amoeba! To change shape on a whim, live life to the brim, and not have to worry about all things grim!

    Thanks for the laugh

    Diz


  • sodancewithsoda
    April 13, 2005
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    i read somewhere up there and said you were a master of word play and i agree wholeheartedly with him or her this is the 3rd poem (i think ) that i read that you made, but still... the way you know and use your vocabulary amuses and amazes me think i love this the best "We'd dance to chance as all advance tomorrow WAS today" nods beautiful work made me smile. ^_^ thank you so much for this


  • illusions
    April 13, 2005
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    you are the clever one!! this took more than one reading (and might require even more later)...what word play! i'm sure i missed some of it. well done!!

    illusions


  • cutiepie gold member
    April 13, 2005
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    Excellent

    Ha!...4 lines indeed. Witty and absurbly subtle Bravo Maestro


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    April 13, 2005
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    You made my head spin, round and round...until I fell on the floor in laughter You truly have a wickedly gifted mind and are an expert in the master of word play. Well done hon, well done!!

    ~Lyrical


  • Crescendo
    April 13, 2005
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    lalaal

    oh, very nice, very nice. i am very interested in how you managed to achieve all of those crazy positions.


  • Sensual Sapphire
    April 13, 2005
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    It's too early in the morning to wax poetic. You can read this in a lilting sing song or a monotone chant. The stress you put on various words in this changes it drasticly.... I could be wrong on that but I don't think so. It moves at a very quick pace and is done before you expect it to be. That is both a blessing and a disappointment. The fact that you accomplish so much in your works has put you on my list. Very well done.

    April
    Edited on Apr 13, 8:57 because 'because I have lathargic fingers!'.


  • Jaded Lily gold member
    April 13, 2005
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    What is left for me to say...looks as if you have been stroked aplenty . Great job.

    Lily ~*


  • duana
    April 13, 2005
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    lol, your cleverness makes me feel really foolish, calling myself a poet. Very witty! And yes it made melaugh.


  • zzzzz gold member
    April 13, 2005
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    Circular Invective

    LOL. 'nough said 4 this fine work, since you covered it all.
    This circulative invective, so witty and conjunctive made me laugh at the real and absurd.


  • Pallas Athena
    April 13, 2005
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    I don't know enough about poetry to really describe this the ways others have. But I do feel that you're style of writing is unique.(sp) It may take me reading a couple of times, but I like it. I know my children like to hear me read your writings out loud.


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    April 13, 2005
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    Awesome poetical play!

    Oh, Master of Word Play, you have done it again. Your mind is scary....LOL! smiles May I crawl int here for a bit and see how you are wired, because this poem is absolutely a masterpiece of wordsmithing. You are, ergo, I wish I were!


  • M.A.King
    April 13, 2005
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    As always with your work I enjoy the intricate internal rhymes and word play. It takes me several readings to catch them all. The meter fits it nicely. Very clever in content.


  • La Belle Rouge
    April 13, 2005
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    Very clever indeed, this was so unique.

  • -lk-
    April 13, 2005
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    Brilliant

    Oh my goodness! This is brilliantly written! What a mind rush it is to read! You certainly made this an entertaining verse.
    Now I'm off to read again!

    Just STUNNING!


  • Mari Goes gold member
    April 13, 2005
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    How in Earth do you do that?!
    It would take me ages to get something like that done, and still wouldn't be near as good as this one.
    Well done Jonathan, a very clever and well written poem!

    Kisses,
    Mari

  • ecrivain01
    April 13, 2005
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    good job

    This is a fabulous poem, although the first stanza is the weakest one. It is too trite in its rhyme and detracts from the whole. I think you might give some thought to that first stanza.

    Otherwise, very good. It certainly gets better as it progresses.

    Jim Dunlap


  • AutoPilate
    April 13, 2005
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    Masterful!

    Damn, that was deft. Acrobatic, even. Its rhythm lulls the reader, its wit and wordplay ensnares him. To be honest, I almost didn't want the piece to end (clever finale, by the by).

    Thank you for sharing!

    - Giovanni


  • IronIcecream
    April 13, 2005
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    and beyond nowhere nothing dwells
    before the times no tears spent
    after one call one wish remains
    why can't we play for free again?


  • MargaretG
    April 13, 2005
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    felicitous

    Once again you have offered anagrams, internal rhymes and a fascinating idea. We are all just little fish in the grand scheme, and perhaps all life has consciousness. Your word "chronosome" is new, I don't think the anatomists have isolated our time body.
    The final stanza is more of an author comment separate from the poem, in my opinion, but I hear your frustration.

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