Subconscious motivations,
those ethereal misunderstood elements of our being
which are forever
on the primal subhuman hunt-
lurking, stalking with blood-stained teeth and claws
and on the scent
for our impending bodily pleasures and pains…
Such subconscious motivations
are not wise- like an over-curious animal
these instincts take us
deep into the caverns of catastrophe
and are forever attracted
to our utter self-destruction...
If we dare desire
to divine into our subconscious motivations
we must use extreme caution-
it is a dark recess that can bind us forever
and we will no longer know our friends...
******************************************
Overeating, nail-biting, smoking-
these all have subconscious motivational roots.
We will never conquer them.
Like ghostly cerebral demons-
they jab their heated pitchforks
of wayward suggestion
into our submaterial thoughts-
the bowels of hell
where our subconscious motivations are derived...
Subliminal suggestions from others
play a devious roll
in molding our subconscious motivations-
we must be on constant vigilance.
Biology and chemistry play a part.
These urges build up and imprint themselves
in those wretched dark regions of the mind
long after the initial urge has passed!
Of course, your entire subconscious world
may be utterly and irreversibly twisted
by a past trauma
and take you into dangerous sojourns...
Worse,
as emotions are imprinted on you
by those you interact with,
they could be fashioned into an insane mixture
of madness that would be passed down
to your subsequent generations
leaving a dark legacy-
and who knows how many dark legacies
we are already burdened with!
Makes me want to bite my nails...
Then there are the impenetrable fragments of the inner us
that are shaped from the transferences from others-
wills, beliefs, identities, attitudes-
traits that our subconscious hungrily consumes
like wildfire...
The ruthless encounter
between our conscious
and our subconscious
is an eternal one,
and when the two meet,
the result is us…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How would all this be said in a Haiku?
We ask, “Are we ‘we'?”
Know: It’s an icy battle
with our subconscious!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you mistakenly bonded with the oxygen machine
Several suggestion in dealing with you subconscious motivations:
rather than your mother at birth avoid technical jobs.
To protect against the subliminal suggestions from the world around you:
do not listening to anything by place a bag over your head while wearing loud headphones.
Listen to your biochemistry.
A huge amount vitamin E in your system?
Your subconscious implores you, begs you,
to go work it off!
An assortment of B complexes accumulating
in your id?
Go look for a hot date. Now,
Before the toxins build up.
Finally, shopping, that cure-all,
addresses the entire spectrum
of subconscious motivations-
discovering the latest trends,
gaining social acceptance,
avoiding chores,
venturing out in the world.
Don’t worry,
the retailers are highly trained to aid you
in your noble attempt at self-therapy
with colorful inducments
to get you to impulse buy…
Author notes
As if you haven't suffered enough already,
here is the original, which made failed attempts at bringing lightness to the subject by providing amusing cures (which after a second look were pretty lame, in my opinion!):
Subconscious motivations,
those ethereal misunderstood elements of our being
which are forever on the primal subhuman hunt
for impending bodily pleasures and pains…
Unhappily and miserably
such unintelligent subconscious motivations
fail to be totally sensible-
and at times carry us forward uniform and headlong
into such catastrophic pleasures and pains
that have the fatal aspect
of being completely self-destructive!
If you ever dare desire
to truly determine your subconscious motivations
may I warily and very cautiously suggest
fully hypnotizing yourself
with chants and scented oils
then go shopping!
Yes, shopping, that cure-all,
addresses the entire spectrum
of subconscious motivations-
discovering the latest trends,
gaining social acceptance,
avoiding chores,
venturing out in the world…
Don’t worry,
the retailers are highly trained to aid you
in your noble attempt at self-therapy
with colorful inducments
to get you to impulse buy…
Now an immeasurable and vast assortment
of untouchable subconscious motivations
are biochemically based.
A huge amount vitamin E in your system?
Your subconscious implores you, begs you,
to go work it off!
An assortment of B complexes accumulating
in your id?
Go look for a hot date. Now,
Before the toxins build up.
Naturally!
Overeating, nail-biting, smoking-
all have subconscious motivational roots
that we may never absolutely expose and uncover.
Try auto-questioning and auto-suggestion
to condition the small segment that is your conscious psyche
into prevailing over such ghostly cerebral demons-
demons that jab their heated pitchforks
of wayward suggestions
into your pliable submaterial thoughts!
Devious subliminal suggestions
from foreign, maybe malicious outside sources
may also play a sneaky roll
in molding your over-trusting subconscious motivations,
for good or for evil.
Beware!
To protect yourself,
you could try not listening to anything
and place a bag over your head
while wearing loud headphones,
but three good nights of restful, peaceful sleep
will generally be sufficient to clear out
this reeking wretched garbage pail of the mind!
Of course, your whole subconscious world
may be utterly and irreversibly screwed up,
torn asunder, trodden, and dismembered
simply because, when you were born,
you mistakenly bonded with the oxygen mask
rather than your loving drugged-out mother!
Oye!
Worse,
as emotions were invisibly imprinted on you
during your blossoming, tiny formative years,
you may have been inadvertently affected
by a long-lost insane ancestor
who had accidentally imprinted his twisted emotions
on your unsuspecting forbearers,
who subsequently blithely passed them down
to your receptive young subconscious…
leaping dark legacy!
There are parts of the inner private you
that are made of endless transferences from others-
wills, beliefs, identities, attitudes-
traits that your subconscious has consumed
and will issue forth loudly and frightfully
in the most embarrassing of moments.
The ruthless battle between your conscious and the subconscious
is an eternal one,
and when the two meet
the result is you…
(Haiku):
You ask, “Are you ‘you’?”
Know: It’s an icy battle
with your subconscious!
Written April 12th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
-
It was a little too long for my taste also. To me your prose made it seem like you were writing an essay or a diagnosis rather than a poem. If I were you, I would try to condense it and make the prose less dry. However, the idea was a creative one, and you incorporated many good metaphors. One specific line I would change is "are not wise- like an over-curious animal" near the beginning. I understand what you are saying, but the wording makes it seem like an over-curious animal is wise; I would reword this. On first glance, I thought the title was kind of long and wordy, but I realized that it fits the poem after I read it.
-
Note to Everyone Here: I am thanking Porcelain Doll, my soon-to-be AP daughter, for another fine and constructive comment.
did I sound like a proud father-to-be there?!!
may all this wear us completely out!
-
! Ah that last bit about shopping.. nyeh! Sooo damn true! But yes. I had to read this twice to let it sink in, but it makes alot of sense. I agree with your explanation. And there's no practical way of avoiding these subconcious imprints made my outside forces. I only really noticed one thing...
"and are forever attracted
to our utter self-destructive..." self-destructive what? maybe self-destruction? I got hung up on that. Sorry...
But yes. I love this ^.^ Off to read your authors comment, and the original...
Annnddd... I have to say I like the original better. Less informative possibly, but more humorous. Being young, it appeals to me lol But I enjoy both. I've never read a poem on this subject before, and you pulled it off wonderfully. Keep it up!
~Amy
-
Thanks for the critique, wind! After Venessa's comment, I did a major overhaul of the piece, so part of her comment (the humor and 'cures') wouldn't make sense now! But it may be, as you said, that I went from dry prose to the other extreme!
For your amusement, here is what Venessa commented on (which bears little resemblance to the piece you read!):
Subconscious motivations,
those ethereal misunderstood elements of our being
which are forever on the primal subhuman hunt
for impending bodily pleasures and pains…
Unhappily and miserably
such unintelligent subconscious motivations
fail to be totally sensible-
and at times carry us forward uniform and headlong
into such catastrophic pleasures and pains
that have the fatal aspect
of being completely self-destructive!
If you ever dare desire
to truly determine your subconscious motivations
may I warily and very cautiously suggest
fully hypnotizing yourself
with chants and scented oils
then go shopping!
Yes, shopping, that cure-all,
addresses the entire spectrum
of subconscious motivations-
discovering the latest trends,
gaining social acceptance,
avoiding chores,
venturing out in the world…
Don’t worry,
the retailers are highly trained to aid you
in your noble attempt at self-therapy
with colorful inducments
to get you to impulse buy…
Now an immeasurable and vast assortment
of untouchable subconscious motivations
are biochemically based.
A huge amount vitamin E in your system?
Your subconscious implores you, begs you,
to go work it off!
An assortment of B complexes accumulating
in your id?
Go look for a hot date. Now,
Before the toxins build up.
Naturally!
Overeating, nail-biting, smoking-
all have subconscious motivational roots
that we may never absolutely expose and uncover.
Try auto-questioning and auto-suggestion
to condition the small segment that is your conscious psyche
into prevailing over such ghostly cerebral demons-
demons that jab their heated pitchforks
of wayward suggestions
into your pliable submaterial thoughts!
Devious subliminal suggestions
from foreign, maybe malicious outside sources
may also play a sneaky roll
in molding your over-trusting subconscious motivations,
for good or for evil.
Beware!
To protect yourself,
you could try not listening to anything
and place a bag over your head
while wearing loud headphones,
but three good nights of restful, peaceful sleep
will generally be sufficient to clear out
this reeking wretched garbage pail of the mind!
Of course, your whole subconscious world
may be utterly and irreversibly screwed up,
torn asunder, trodden, and dismembered
simply because, when you were born,
you mistakenly bonded with the oxygen mask
rather than your loving drugged-out mother!
Oye!
Worse,
as emotions were invisibly imprinted on you
during your blossoming, tiny formative years,
you may have been inadvertently affected
by a long-lost insane ancestor
who had accidentally imprinted his twisted emotions
on your unsuspecting forbearers,
who subsequently blithely passed them down
to your receptive young subconscious…
leaping dark legacy!
There are parts of the inner private you
that are made of endless transferences from others-
wills, beliefs, identities, attitudes-
traits that your subconscious has consumed
and will issue forth loudly and frightfully
in the most embarrassing of moments.
The ruthless battle between your conscious and the subconscious
is an eternal one,
and when the two meet
the result is you…
(Haiku):
You ask, “Are you ‘you’?”
Know: It’s an icy battle
with your subconscious!
As always, thanks for the honest critique- I liked your 'cogent description' since I always put extra effort there! I'll have to remember that phrase
-
Ouch. I'm gonna agree with Venessa to the extent of saying that your approach is going to strike most people as cold because you tried to convey a prose-like message. Nevertheless, you took the contest directive seriously, and tried to give us an explanation for the sub-conscious.
I think it is a hard thing to carve out a "poetic space" without falling into the rote feel of formal verse, or the non-sensical which seems to be the space of so many "abstract" poems. But I think you've fallen a bit far on the other extreme with this one. You do present a cogent description, though.
Brian -
Wow the only comment. Well I will start by saying that was soooo long lol. ~sigh~ lost my interest a bit but I found great humor in this. interesting approach. you wrote 'about' subconcious motivation and some cures for it lol. the haiku was good. you write well but I will have to say my personal preference is for a poem that is not like reading a book.
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