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Deliberate.


Perhaps it was in the garden of life
where the deepest seeds flourished,
and bits of ice cloaked - nourished
the most deliberate of pebbles -

exploring the veins of nearby roots.

Now warm weather has flown in the
stormiest of droughts
that quake with illicit bolts,
and evoke the fossils of sparks -

extinct pitter patters.

Wilted flowers lifelessly flourish,
drowning in thirst,
revelling in the dreams of
what rain should feel like -

what it is to be quenched.

Author notes


Written April 12th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • Caitadu82
    March 16, 2006
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    Thank you so much for your critique! It's always great to get feedback.
    -Thanks again! - Caity


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    March 16, 2006
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    It is hard to believe you have gotten so few comments on this piece. It is quite beautiful. For me, the layout you used for your poem is particularly effective because the entire poem can be seen by the eye in one look. This makes the first line and the last word of the last line jump out and makes for an excellent hook into the rest of the poem.

    Of course, that is only a superficial quality, but it definately perks the interest and prompts a --need to know-- what the rest of the poem says. I also like the poems little touches of unexpectedness. In beginning with seeds and gardens, one expects flowers, but you interject pebbles. This took me back a bit and made me reread and dig a little deeper.

    This is really nicely done. I enjoyed the read. Thanks for enterring and best of luck in the contest.


  • Terry-too silver member
    June 18, 2005
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    Extraordinary

    How refreshing to find a new and worthy writer! Someone whose use of cogent language is a window on deeper thought that will be visited again! There had better be another trophy on your shelf or I will question the justice here! A multilevel metaphor is a rare thing indeed. (I will return)
    Terry


  • Sarah957
    April 24, 2005
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    Wilted flowers lifelessly flourish,
    drowning in thirst,
    revelling in the dreams of
    what rain should feel like -

    what it is to be quenched

    Clever personification of flowers! We all dream of what it's like to be quenched! As usual, you did a marvolous job!