A girl is sitting alone in her room
Her only friend is a piece of metal
The puddles are now starting to settle
The only sound is the death metal boom
Telling her of her silent-coming doom
The dark windows are starting to rattle
Now her skin is starting to dismantle
And now the faint scars are starting to bloom
Bloody tears are coming down her thin wrist
Staining purity of her innocence
Childhood immaturity is missed
The room is lonely and the air is tense
Pull out your hair, scream and shout, make a fist
Because all that's lost is broken and bent.
Author notes
I had to write a sonnet for school and this is what I wrote. I had written one before, but with this one, I had to make every line have 10 syllables, no more, no less. So this was hard. And I got the title from Moulin Rouge 
Written April 12th, 2005
A contest entry
- Any Poem Accepted by .
300 points, ended October 18, 2005, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - {This is} What HURTS the MOST ;; by Candy Morphine.
700 points, ended November 17, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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the second and third rhymes are excellent. it was very unique.
i loved the choice of words for [silent-coming doom] -very good.
{dismantle} is also a really nice word that had the effect of coming undone.
(bloom) was a nice word because it wove beauty into a tragic story line..
the whole poem had great flow and rhythm. enjoed it immensly. -
I like this. Its a very good write.
"Bloody tears are coming down her thin wrist
Staining purity of her innocence"
This is my favourite part. good luck in the contest -
Very good for such limitations. I have to say, I don't really like the rhyming, but I enjoyed the poem overall. Keep it up.
James -
oops LOL thanks
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Hmmm...an Italian sonnet? Your third line only has nine syllables; this can easily be corrected with the edition of a "to" after "starting." Other than that, this seems, in form anyway, just dandy. I've noticed that many of the entrants for this contest are cutting poems; I can't say I've ever found a cutting poem "sad," but maybe that's just me. Still, good luck.
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thanks! i appreciate it!
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Wow, this threw a huge hammer at me. This was packed with a deep sadness and longingness to be innocent once again. I too feel this way. It is so hard to put this emotion in words but I think you did a great job with this! Lots of sadness and thats what I am looking for.
-Ashel
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