Hope you never know this god forsaken place
Where only darkness grows
I was left with nought but thoughts
When my mind had already deserted me
This prison said to "save my soul"
Can only breed despair
And so a desperate search begins
to find somewhere to place my feet
To save from falling into this pit of
long forgotten corpses
I am in purgatory
waiting for my fate to be decided
I've sinned, I'm sorry, my mortality is not mine to question
And so I line up with the others and
am sent down
Iron shackles make my ankles bleed
But at least I still have the will to walk
Night time is my only solace
When I can sleep to pass the time in
a world where time stands still
I was stripped of all my glass and so
my room is bare and empty
no picture of my lover on the side
I could fill this building with my tears
which flood the shoulders of my savior
a fellow prisoner
The only other lost soul who can love me
But who's lifeline is more feeble than my own
I long to wake up dead
But not here, please, anything but here
And my silent screams echo,unheard, around my cell
Forgotten to the world
It is easier to put me here than help me
And so what little life I had is gone.
Why this punishment?
Is it not bad enough to hate myself? Am
I to be punished for losing my mind?
I'm not good company.
I have been silent with myself for 2 days.
I have no soothing words for this desperation
Which has caused me to choke on air
And made blood a toxin
All day I am left
alone
With cries of "Jesus" invading my head.
Til "Hannah, it's time" at 6 O'clock
And I face the degradation
of drinking from the medicine cup
A bitter nectar that deadens my senses
Still,at least now pain will cease.
God, how I miss pain - more than joy
To feel alive.
Instead just this incessant monotony
And entombment
Outside the darkened clouds gather at the window
But no chance of rain to quench my skin
Just storms - more noise
I shall go mad from no human contact
And so a part of me has died
And I am lost to them
"My God, Why have you forsaken me?"
Then nothing, darkness came, and I was gone
Ripped away from reality
With only the holes in my hands to remind me
I have grown a deepened vein of spite
Lord, let me fight
This prison has dissolved my mind
So I am left to the mercy of the dawn
Hope you never know this god forsaken place
Where only darkness grows
Author notes
Extremly personal - for those who know me, this is why I had to get out.
duckies are hot
Written April 11th, 2005
In a list
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Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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this is AmAzing! wow.
xxx
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WOW this just put me in aww!...lol wow I think my eyes are going to fall out!...The angel of darkness is what he is called yet he is someone who brings forth light!~Benji
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This i must say is a work of poetry i never red anything like you used alot of passin,energy,and emoion and that made the poem flow great job!
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long and drawn out...and yet so beautiful.
An amazing write...you should be proud
Still,at least now pain will cease.
God, how I miss pain - more than joy
To feel alive.
Instead just this incessant monotony
And entombment
I was captured most by that part...a few words that mean so much.
Great work..again
Keep penning
P.S thanks for the comment on my poem, it was much appreciated
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Wow... I really enjoyed this poem... it was great... keep it up..
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ok, having calmed down today i can see that u were trying to help, but this poem is entirely personal and so critesism was not taken lightly. I won't be changing it, but thankx for actually taking the time to read it and make a useful comment. Also thankyou for having the dignity, unlike others, not to be nasty. Sorry I couldn't have been the same at the time.
pinkxxx -
moving
love u - lozloz xxxxxxxxxxxxx -
i think you could certainly be right about the repetition, and im sure miss pink appreciates your "constructive criticism" but this piece, as u will obviously not know as well as i do, is EXTREMELY personal to the writer, so i feel that her use of the pronoun "I" is ENTIRELY AND 100% JUSTIFIED!!! no offence!
i cant comment on this poem either, but it really moved me, practically to tears if i wasnt sat in the middle of a school computer room - i dont know what to say, except i wish i could take away not the pain but the numbness, and would if i could...
you mean tons to us all - and i love you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much (kt told me 2 write "much" then, cause she was bored of seein so so so so so so so so (HA! kates!!) many "so"s!) - see you 2moro - YAY! -
the poem is my voice and is about me, therefore I will use 'I' as often as I feel the need to. It is something I would avoid should the poem have a narrator, but it's my voice.
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Hey, this was good, but I just wanted to make you aware of something. It is not really a criticism, but you use the personal pronoun "I" like a dozen times in here. It becomes redundant, and makes the piece seem very egocentric. If you simply remove the pronouns, the piece actually becomes more poetic:
Left with nought but thoughts
When my mind had already deserted me
This prison said to "save my soul"
Can only breed despair
Night time is my only solace
to sleep in a world
where time stands still
stripped of all my glass and so
my room is bare and empty
no picture of my lover on the side -
Yeah this is way to personal to be torn apart. That's one reason why it's great that there's nothing wrong with it. I know I don't know you but I have a very good idea of how you feel and that's what it's all about. Awesome write.
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I am little confused by reading your poem. But I really liked it. It was powerful to me. Keep up the good work.
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kickass
wow,i really enjoyed this poem,gave me the imprsssion on prison and hatred for some reason,i loved it,great write,rock on n keep it up -
OK, I can't really comment because I don't know whats going on with you at all but the poem is clearly so incredibly personal that there would never be much I could say anyway. I'm sorry to read how bad you are feeling...thats all I can say.
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got it in one!! when your emotions have been removed so there is just an overwhelming nothingness, and it would be better to feel anything than nothing. I'm so glad that you made a connection with it, and thanx for the personal comment - means a lot.
Hannahxxx -
aw, hannah, i don't feel like I can comment on this - it's almost too personal. I know how awful you mst be feeling sometimes, and I know that as bad as I sometime feel, it must be 100 times worse for you. All I can say is, I love this line:
'God, how I miss pain - more than joy' - it almost made me cry - its exactly how I felt when my fiend died. For a while I wass really upset, then I was just numb. I couldn't cry anymore - I didn't have the energy. I couldn't even register how sad and angry I felt because I was so drained, and then everything felt so pointless. I kept thinking, 'what's the point in life if i can't feel anything, if I've got some kind of stome heart that doen't feel anything'. Maybe that's not what you were trying to get at, but that's what it meant to me. Hope you're back soon xxxx -
Feels like shit
I am so sorry. -C- -
we all have our "prisons" from which we would love to escape - words can provide us the freedom we need to survive. You have expressed the desire so expertly here! Very nice.
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whoo, good stuff. I was locked up so I know what this does actually feel like. Good write
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wow dude long tripy deep and powerful..that was awsome and still is awsome your good at this writing stuff
rock on
-pippy-- -
oh, and to avoid confusion, no i wasn't in prison - its metaphorical
Pinkxxx
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