Genocide ...
A haunting word,
genocide blossoms across Africa.
The flowers of evil flourish
in Darfur, Western Sudan.
Islamic militias murder men,
and rape women and girls.
Like chattel,
whole populations
are sold into slavery.
A perverted brand of ethnic cleansing
has depopulated an area
the size of California.
Disaster, like a mushroom cloud, looms,
on the near horizon.
Hundreds of thousands,
forced into refugee camps,
will starve or die of disease.
A human catastrophe spells
doom for the indigent Christian populace.
While America's armies and will
are bogged down in Iraq's clinging quagmire,
the world ignores these helpless victims.
Europe and America have the resources,
but no one seems to have
the will to help.
So die, poor souls.
It seems no help will come.
Die into the dust.
Perhaps you will find
a better world beyond this one.
Perhaps.
This poem was published in Poems Niederngasse in November, 2004
Author notes
You wanted something of substance, but this may be more substance than you want. Reality is not always easy to deal with. Of course, it is harder for the victims to deal with than it is for you. I think "making a difference" is probably open to interpretation. Everybody living belongs to a group which has been the victim of genocide. People who read this sometimes tell me that it has changed their way of looking at the world and looking at life. I think that is "making a difference". I read it last night at Barnes & Noble, and several people wrote down the url for the website, which I will include here in case anybody wants to "make a difference" themselves.
www.voicesforAfrica.homestead.com/index.html/index.html
I've now changed a half dozen words in this from the original version. I hope that this is the final version.
Written October 10th, 2004
A contest entry
- Dreaming For Darfur....The End Is Near! by darkknight marellus.
1200 points, ended December 26, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Call to Action by Backporchphilosopher.
700 points, ended February 4, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 94th anniversary of the Armenian genocide. April 24, 1915 by DeAnges.
700 points, ended May 13, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
-
Predictable.
It didn't make me go ahh.. ha..
Maybe I wished it hadn't been so to the point in this case.
Though, right here I have to point out because I had an eye brow lift,
"but no one seems to have
the will to help."
These ten words put into this exact order describes our past, present, and future. Who knew, right?! Well, I did. Beside the point.
Back on topic. Just a hint, when clever and brownie points on a subject come into play on a contest, it's usually because.. that individual is already inform on the subject, takes great interest on the subject, ya de ya, therefore.. may not want to hear facts and the common opinion stated once again.
Again, lacked in creativity.
There's my scattered brain for you.
Thank you! And good luck.
-
Too many people look the other way in times of genocide. It is sad that we ever allow this to happen, but even sadder that we will continue to let it.
-
A cause personal to my heart and terrific write
Crimes against humanity; the only bright spot is everything is pointing to Darfur being a first testing ground for Obama. He co-wrote the intro to "Not on our Watch" and has also been involved in the issues re the Congo. Add that people can google US Campaign for Burma, also with ethnic cleansing 70,000 child soldiers (more than any other nation) and political oppression including a Nobel Peace Prize winner in prison...Enough Project re genocide in African nations; Amnesty International is also great re genocide and human trafficking...
Really powerful piece; thanks for entering this published work in my little contest! -
I knew that if I would read what you had entered into this contest, words would not be minced nor "prettied up" for the sheer sake of poetry. You wrote your heart, your opinion and unfortunately the truth. I am beyond believing that one person can make a difference [even a group of "one persons"] . The ones we need to stand behind us and do something are unfortunately "otherwise occupied" and interest does not lie in Darfur at the present, nor will it in the next place that is doomed to this fate
there is no poetic critique to offer to a write such as this----for even changing one word for the sake of poetic device is of very little importance. It is the subject that we should pay attention to.
your last stanza [as sad is it sounds and is]pierces the heart like an arrow and I believe all we have left as far as hope goes is that "perhaps" exists.......
z
reenie
-
I'll look at it again, but there aren't many words for women in English, at least not the kind you can use there.
-
dude, that's cool. (yeah, I knew what you'd say to my punctuation spiel, but couldn't leave it unsaid. ) I know they are both sold into slavery, I was just picking up that you'd used the word too close to itself. I thought possibly that using 'women' and 'children' so close would help bring that association to a reader's mind without having to say the blank and obvious too blankly and obviously. ? I don't want to suggest a sin of omission at all.
yes, Mozart is fabulous, isn't he? My word makes more sense having listened to the Lacrimosa, right? -
Oh yes. I almost forgot. Women & children ARE sold into slavery. If I didn't say that, it would be a falsehood, or a "sin of omission". I don't think that's the impression I want to give with the poem. I will think about a possible alternate word for "women".
-
People who don't use punctuation are lazy. That's how the "no punctuation" thing started, and that's why it is always less effective and far less right. So, no, I not only don't agree with you on that, I vehemently disagree. I don't like poems without punctuation nearly as well as those that have it, and that's something all the excellent critiquers at our poetry workshops ALWAYS tell us. Always punctuate poetry EXACTLY like prose. ALWAYS.
Thanks for the input, but I don't agree, period. Actually, you probably knew that since I pointed out the problems I saw with your poem. So maybe you are just trying to kid me, eh?
Thanks for the music by the way. You are right, those are very good. -
First stanza: I think it might give a more complete, wholistic flavour to say "rape women and girls/while children are sold into slavery" and to not repeat the word 'women.' So close to itself, it takes away from the effect you are trying for.
I love the last stanza, but it trips my tongue when I read 'die into the dust,' for my brain (albeit a weird and convoluted one) tries to think too hard about how one dies into the dust, and decides in the end that it really isn's possible to die INTO anything. If I have confusedly mistaken this, please enlighten me. Either way, I have pointed out that which confused me about this poem.
I am a bit hesitant to say this, considering the flak I caught for my own poem, so please know that a strong personal preference tempers the following. I notice your punctuation in this poem. Simply stated, that's all. I notice it. It's there. It's correctly used. It's in all the right places. But it bothers me.
Poetry is not prose. We use line breaks to emphasize ideas, and I am firmly (as others will attest!) convinced that punctuation should only be used very deliberately. (If it comes right down to it, I think poetry should always be very deliberate. Each word should conjure a hundred more...poetry is painting, not telling.)
And so I would be in favour of cutting most of the puntuation you have. I think it would be espcially important in the last stanza, to have the final perhaps be the only punctuated one. Just my input.
Good luck in the contest. -
Nothing to change or no tweaking necessary - this poem carries within it a strong and powerful message in a very sound poetic way. Just keep it as it is! Best wishes.
~ Nicolette
-
This is fine as is grammatically, I see no need for further tweaking. Well done and thanks for sharing. La x
-
absolute mind boggling write here, facts as it is stated,with powerful words, governmental powers,choose what they want to do.. we as the small people in their eyes are countless..great job here, thank you for sharing, good luck in the contest..
Linda -
I am so pleased to see you back Jim.
Good luck in the contest eh? Anna.
-
This may seem to some, to criticize politicians or a religion. It does not. The poem is an indictment upon modern civilization where we have means and dollar billions to spend warring but precious little on helping victims of war and its concomitant human misery and poverty. Very well written poem of social justice. We are desensitised by the media. Good poetry can pull us up with a jolt. (Do you need "to help"? If it were lopped , I think the words would be implied. More power would be given to "will". (However, this is just a passing thought ... do with it as you will!) Thank you for this entry. Lyndon.
Edited on Jan 10, 11:41 p.m. because ''. -
ah yes, I know... but if you'd put strong gender then I guess a lot of people would be scratching their heads don't you think?
-
Science has proven repeatedly that men are the weak gender.
-
I had a second look and it is still perfect in my eyes.
So what can I say more? Anna.
-
Not much that I can add that hasn't been said already. This poem is as real as it's topic. Living in Africa I can very much associate with everything you've written here. What I love about the poem is that in a "strange" way it "tells" and it "shows" and that is not an easy thing to accomplish. Usually I don't like poems that tell, but somehow you've managed to combine the two into a poetic whole. The last stanza captures does it for me - minimalistic, it shows rather than tells and it addresses this issue without frills.
~ Nicolette
-
Poignant write
Dearest Jim
You addressed a topic as traumatic as "genocide" with wry irony and even with a hint of bitterness. The title is answered and echoed in the body of the poem, with the style and timbre of the poet being well-defined and clear. Even a reader not necessarily agreeing on the conclusions may be impressed by such a work of controlled emotion and poignant word choice.
I was very much impressed with your apt usage of the term "flower" in the first stanza, which is incredibly layered and evocative. Not only does it refer to "the fruit of the tree" with its numerous morality implications, but it is also a visual and emotional contrast with the "deflowering" of women through deeds as humiliating as abuse and rape and slavery.
You made good use of poetic devices and imagery. Alliteration (flowers of evil flourish; die into the dust)and assonance (looms X doom -- also internal rhyme) enhanced subtle rhyme and structure.
Ah -- and then, that minute sliver of hope and faith in the exit lines (THE divine future perspective and KNOWING of all true Christians!), with the clever use of the repetition of "perhaps":
Perhaps you will find
a better world beyond this one.
Perhaps.
Excellent work, Poet.
Love
Myra :
Edited on Jan 06, 11:25 p.m. because 'editing, of course
'.
-
Hi, this is a poem all should read, one cannot write a romantic type poem on this subject, perfect grammar as ever,you have taugt me a lot, and I amgrateful, all I can say about this write is it is very very good in every way, excellent my friend, all the best in the comp, Di
-
Interesting. It has this distant bitterness, like the black flavor is sitting at the back of a numbed tongue. There is one line however that I did not think was smooth as the rest:
"Disaster looms, direly,"
The word "direly" in particular makes me feel that the impact of the line was diminished. It's like the word has robbed the innate suspense from the preceding word "looms". Perhaps you would consider altering "direly", to something say, maybe more abstract? Or a tangiential simile, which would make this admittedly common line more refreshing?
Let me give you some examples:
"Disaster looms, an ominous cloud", or
"Disaster looms, dark and rank as death", or even
"Disaster looms, a winged Death" (although this is rather common already)
Well, I hope you would consider my advice. Good luck in the comp!
-
I'm quite in love with poems who can make a complaint against (parts of) our society, how they are really screwing up some valuable things for a good life.
So I can only tell you that I truly enjoyed reading this strong and powerful poem, now we can only hope some of those 'big' guys will have eyes for it...
Now, as one little suggestion I'd like to make for this poem:
In first stanza you have two times the word women captured, also girls and children feel as if you are pointing at the same direction to it...
To avoid this 'double usage of words', I'd rather prefer to formulate the line and rape women and girls into and rape the weak gender or something along those lines.
Apart from that, I think this is absolutely marvellous
~Leander -
Your last stanza was extremely poetic...the entire poem was effective in its purpose. I feel I just experienced a heartfelt plea as if a giant hand had lead me across the land pointing out the atrocities, then turned to me and pointing at the people in their sorrows and need said to me "I give up..." then turns to the people and makes a sorrow filled decree... "Die..." knowing that with them we, at least a portion of the soul of all of us, dies too. Good entry to the contest. -Pome. (Oh yes I do agree with Lyndon in his comment question)
Edited on Jan 05, 11:19 because 'added additional comment'. -
splendid
Jim, you have made a beautiful poem here. With 'beautiful' I mean the way you have put the words together to make the message of Genocide clear and heart felt to us. Of course it is terrible that people murder each other just like that. They should work together to make this world a better place for each and everyone (like we have to work together in this contest ). People need to hear from others now and then that things could be done differently and/or could be changed. None of us is always the only person who is right in a certain matter, but by talking about 'it' (whatever this is) together things are seen in the right perspective (might be eye-openers).
I am not so sure though if the world ignores the helpless victims. I think many people wanted to help, if they knew how. The Netherlands is only a small country, but if you see how much people donate for the people in this world that are hit by a distaster... It's unbelievable! But.... you hear it so often that food is brought to those starving people and medicine to the diseased, but what do those military people or civil servants? They keep it for themselves or sell it to buy weapons. It is really hard to help those e.g. African countries. I was very pleased though Jim, that you pointed in this poem to this injustice. It is good to make people aware, that something needs to be done. The last stanza of your poem was therefore very effective. It was almost a bit cruel, because it speaks to the readers directly. At least it did to me. As if you were hitting me with a hammer on my head, making me aware to take my responsibility for it.
So die, poor souls.
It seems no help will come.
Die into the dust.
Perhaps you will find
a better world beyond this one.
Great write. Anna.
-
To all contest critiquers: Know that I look only from Sandygram's comment onwards. Before that is "history for the purpose of this contest". I, too, am delighted with this poem. The final, separate word is the clincher, I would have thought. What do others think? I am a minimalist, myself, in free verse. Perhaps one or two simple words could be omitted, but that is up to you, entirely. Thank you very much for this boost to our collection. Lyndon (No applauds until the final day and after everyone's adjustments, if indeed, they are necessary). L.
-
I'm having a hard time critiquing this poem simply because of the impact it's words had on me. I have a patient I care for from South Africa who lived this nightmare. She and her husband both imagrated here from South Africa but lived there during the genocide and the stories they tell cut like a knife.
You've raised some very good points with this piece and in turn became that small voice in the darkness...now, if we could get a few billion more of those voices raised, perhaps we would make an impact...untill then, keep writing and don't let those who have no voice for themself go unheard
Ruth -
Magnificent!!!
A very powerful and true write that you have penned and shared with all of us. It is unfortunate that this happens in our world, you say America has the resources yet everytime we get involved somewhere in the world we are told to butt out and mind our own business. War, strife, famine, disease, and all the other atrocities that are a reality in our world will not end until all people can come together as one and say it is time for peace on earth. There are no countries just land that is inhabited by people struggling to survive. Glacian brought up a very good point with the analogy to the John Lennon song Imagine. This was a very moving piece. I pray that it can be seen all over the world by leaders of the so called nations that continue to plague efforts of world peace by exerting dominance instead of extending there hand in a peace offering.
Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. There is only one God, although he is given so many different names by the religions that different cultures follow. When it comes right down to it, I hope all can see this. That would be a giant step in the right direction. Standing and bowing humbly as I applaud you for this work of art you have displayed for all to read. Love and blessings for you, today and always. 
Joyce
-
WONDERFUL POEM
Wow a powereful poem that brings the stark reality of modern day genocide into the readers mind. A story left buried in the newspaper as so many are buried as a result of this brutality.The imagery was superb. This poem is excellent. Not everone's cup of tea but it is amazing heartfelt poetry that leaves the reader deep in thought with sadness for our fellow man. Thank you for sharing. Take care, Sany -
Genocide
Creativity: 8
Originality: 9
Rhyme flow: N/A
Overall flow: 10
Emotion: 8
Effort: 9
Impact: 10
Overall: 54/60
90% -
Truth About Genocide
I was in a vidio jornulism camp (prob spelled that wrong) and we started a documentary on Dafur. It touches me that so many are being killed, and we don't even egknowlege it's exsitence. It's like having lunch and talking peacfully with a screaming baby in your ear. -
By the way, I'm accepting poems for Poetry Page 3 if your poem is 30 lines or less and you want it to have a wider audience.
-
Soon after the hopeful results (for the filthy rich that is) of the oil prospects were published I knew this region was doomed. I wrote a poem about it called "Vultures over Sudan". The well respected members of society who prosper beyond imagination already, probably still had some space in their bank accounts to add a few extra zeros to the figure representing their affluence, still needed more blood on their hands. They are such fine, righteous citizens, brilliant examples to the rest of the world and extremely smart too. So smart that they will return a thousand times into the extension of the hell they created here on earth. Only the next times around in places like Sudan. There will be few to deny them that right. Thank you for creating and sharing. I hope this will open up eyes. Take care,
Rage
Edited on Apr 19, 5:33 p.m. because ''. -
And again America blinks, blinks as if it isn't happening.. They say history never repeats, but it does, indeed it does.. in another context, in another time... and we could learn if we'd open our eyes but as you say so well here - for some - reality is too hard to face.. and for some it is all they can face....
beautiful...
~~Lisa/whims -
Ugh....sickening, isn't it??
So sad. You are very gifted at stirring up the acid in my stomach! And, that is a good thing...lest we all forget who we really are because we are too busy hiding behind our painted fences...
Bravo...K -
I wonder why Jesus isn't stopping Allah?
Looks to me like all these Gods are impotent. Rather than invoking Buddha/Allah/Jesus, or praying all day, it seems to me that it is only HUMANS who can liberate one another. Only humans that can come to the aid of those in need. This is a world of humans, not a world of Gods. That religion divides people so, Muslim and Christian, Hindu and Buddhist, makes me ill. John Lennon said it best:
"Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace..."
Ha, and I'm supposed to respect patriotism and people's religions? I think not. I'll crucify every flag and every holy symbol, and then burn it all, and leave nothing but the heaps of ash God ordered his mighty Israelites to leave in their wake where once life flourished.
Edited on Apr 16, 9:51 because ''. -
"no one at all has the will to help"..... You do, and did, with your poetry. Helping just one more person to take notice, adds another beam of light, cutting through the shadows.
-
I like the irony, Jim. Sometimes irony is the only way to make an impact. It does not get any more real, does it, if only those of us with our comfortable lives can confront such reality.
Adding your comment:
1 - 37 of 37
