Staring at a paper, as blank as my face
The disturbing shade of white penetrating my mind
How hard it is to conceal such dominating frustration
That forces me to consume myself in lies
I hate these horrid habits that I tried so hard to break
But in the end they prove too strong to kill
Clinging to the hopes of possibly a better day
This petrifying nightmare dissolving my mind
I can’t stand to face such horror of nothing
To view such trivial things as monsters; as beasts
To look at an empty sheet and compare it with my life
To look at a blade and wish I was alright
No one seems to understand what it’s like to fail
At school, in society, at life
To run and hide with such vulnerability it’s disgusting
And to pretend you’re strong between the gasps
Grasping onto thin air in beliefs it’s more than nothing
I neglect what lies beyond that simple clutch
Waiting so patiently for the moment someone saves me
When I kicked them all away, to save myself
Pretending to live, when truly living death
Promising such lies, proven as not the truth
I cough out the fluid that constricts my will to breathe
And I hate it; this misery that is me
I can’t seem to find myself behind the vast Death Valley
Or to hide what I have left behind the Amazon’s trees
I can’t believe in anything, because I don’t believe in myself
Pretending, unwanted, and dying in the end
And looking in this mirror of broken, bleeding shards
I stare at it and whisper in the vehemence that is life,
“I hate you.”
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cheerio!