"SNOGGO Meets The Slavering Beast" (SNOGGO's Second Incredible Adventure)
by
SNOGGO of course
Midnight. A country road. Silence. Except for the wind sighing in the trees. A sickle moon peeped out from behind a slow moving cloud. I glanced around nervously as I walked along. Why should I be nervous? What was there to be nervous about? Why should I, a six foot four inches, beautifully proportioned specimen of manhood, muscular, brave and incredibly handsome be nervous? Phooey! It was not as though there had been many murders on this stretch of lonely desolate country road which I just happened to be walking along. I shrugged off my childish fears. With a shrug. Well, all right, there had been a few killings last week, including the multiple one where three fit adults, armed to the teeth and wearing armour-plated vests, had had their fucking throats ripped out. But last week had been a particularly bad week round this district. The week before had been better I seemed to recall. Or had it? Memory played tricks when you were sweating with slight nervousness.
I walked on moderately fearlessly, casting an eye over my shoulder just in case the person they called the Slavering Beast just happened to be there. But he wasn't, so I kept on walking (just like Felix in the song). The moon shone as I walked slowly down the road, my sandals occasionally squelching in a horse turd and then the moon slipped behind a dark cloud. It was as dark as night. Well, it was night, so that's not so surprising.
Then out of nowhere it came. With a dreadful suddenness I was seized from behind; I smelled the hideous stench of the creature's breath: stale garlic, mixed with rampant tooth decay. I felt his teeth on the back of my neck, ripping and gouging, biting viciously into my shoulder and seriously damaging my cashmere pullover. It was time for some goddam no holds barred action! Quick as a flash I swung round, smashed him one in the face with the mighty club I was carrying (did I mention the club before?) and I beheld him: the so-called Slavering Beast stood before me, slavering and looking fucking surprised in the moonlight (did I mention the moon had come out again?). And I rained down blow after blow on the Slavering Beast until he lay still on the lonely country road, as dead as a doornail. "Take that!" I shrieked, giving him a damned good kick in the ear as he lay there.
And that is the ghastly tale of how SNOGGO the great and fearless hero killed the not-so-bloody-clever-after-all Slavering Beast.
THE END
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Author notes
Enter the Darkness! Enter the terrifying world of SNOGGO!
If you missed out on SNOGGO's 1st adventure, don't delay, go to www.allpoetry.com/poem/1176131 ;
Or else, onward to adventure #3: www.allpoetry.com/poem/1375139 (but that's a VERY rude one).
Written on 10th April, 2005.
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me: Fantasia of Fairy Tales From all Over the Kingdom by BlueEyeWonder1988.
300 points, ended February 16, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Oh snoggo how it would do us all a great favour if you were to run for parliament and become the bravest most hero worshipful prime minister ever to have snogged a bloke...
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Your giving me thrills . .
As the judge in this contest I must say I liked the fact he was a bit dioriented on the line: "Memory had played tricks when you where sweating with slight nervousness" It has a perspective of the hero to be in a malgant position. Well it's a good lil' write. You got my attention. Thank you for entering my contest and goodluck my fellow poet. Smile always.
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A malgant position is always a bit painful.
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Very Entertaining.
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Great!!
I absolutely love the imagery that you included, physical, emotional, and spiritual. I love using my mind's eye, and your words proved to me that it was well worth it.
Emotions are my angels as well as my demons. I am an extreme emotional, empathetic person. This is why I love poetry so.
You touched my emotional boundaries, which is great! Not many people can. All I can say is Kudos!!!!!
Great Write!!!!
Cith
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HAHAHA! Very funny. Great style. I love your sense of humour.
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HOORAY FOR SNOGGO! That was really funny...I loved the style. The ending did seem a bit abrupt...all this build up, and then...what happened? anyway, very fun and enjoyable...I'm not so keen on the swearing, but that's a personal thing. Well done
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I simply refuse to believe you wear a cashmere pullover. This is utter bilge, and deserves nothing less than three rounds of applause.
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Hehehe, that was cute. I loved his attitude. And the damage to the pullover comment was hilarious. Great!
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I'm sorry Edna but that was a wee bit weak for you, but then I had better read Snoggo's first adventure before giving a final opinion. To me this second adventure was just too quick and too clean for the likes of Edna Sweetlove, but until I have completed reading I will reserve judgement. Val
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This wasn't bad - hmm, not really sure about the writing itself and the layout, had imagination and that is often in short supply around here.
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Hope SNOGGO'S cashmere pullover wasn't too badly torn. He is indeed a hero, and you Edna have such a way with words
Thanks for the entertaining read, and I look forward to more of SNOGGO'S adventures
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that was fun, thanks for sharing.
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You are a crazy, crazy person. Im guessing that in spite of your name you really are a man, and a crazy on at that
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I am beautifully butch and masculine, dear.
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Beautiful writing with an odd sense of humor (I always find odd the most entertaining). Me thinks I shall have to keep updated.
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I walked on moderately fearlessly, casting an eye over my shoulder just in case the person they called the Slavering Beast just happened to be there. But he wasn't, so I kept on walking (just like Felix in the song). The moon shone as I walked slowly down the road, my sandals occasionally squelching in a horse turd and then the moon slipped behind a dark cloud. It was as dark as night. Well, it was night, so that's not so surprising.
great discrition here!
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Your comment is really very well copied from my text, Bravo!
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This is really a horrible story- so terrible and bad it was scary. I am still spooked by how awful this was, you are the master of the 'horrible story' genre.
D.D.M.
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I generally hate anything even resembling slap-stick comedy, but something about your Snoggo stories always manages to amuse me. My only real complaint about this is...it's too freaking short. (Did you mention it's a short story?
) Nice job with this. I haven't had a lot of time to read lately, but will try to catch up on some of your other stories soon.
Best wishes,
~J.
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My others are longer.
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I liked this, but the ending was kinda clichéd, and it made Snoggo kind of a "Gary Stu". (On my fanfiction site, that's the codename for a perfect male character.) Other than that, it was really good.
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Yes it was "kinda".
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Was digging this comic thriller until the beast came along, it was able to kill 4 fully armed, plated, etc people at once yet helpless before a club-wielding (though good-looking!) Snoggo? Didn't work for me, although I quite enjoyed the rest!
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It didn't work? SNOGGO killed the beast didn't he? It worked for HIM.
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Dark!Am scared...great write.leeme go 2 the next
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It was as dark as night. Well, it was night, so that's not so surprising.
What a great line!!! your talent for stating the obvious is exceeded by none!
A lot of moonlight in this - I do like moonlight - much preferable to the glaring sun if you are writing a horror type piece!
Sickle moon - excellent - immediately setting the tone for the piece!
but I have to say overall I was utterly disappointed - more so than I expected to be - (I think you need to include more about the fine specimen of manhood!)
Thank you for this
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You certainly know how to make a long story short! How very very matter of factly. You really should think about getting these published, I could imagine what I have read so far in a comic book series for disturbed and vulgar children (and adults who never grew up)!
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I'm hoping I don't miss an episode, there were only two links on this page. Oh no this may mean a withdrawl syndrome may be starting.
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short and quirky, but amusing... i really don't have a good sense of who the character is, or the villain for that matter. i guess that's in your other parts... thanks for entering!
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Wow. Weird.
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i ve never kicked it in the ear before
i ve lot a fust lor gife though
and through this
and threw this
and that -
Helpful comment about "along" and I've changed it. The second "f" was part of the style and is essential. Perhaps it's the first "f" which is unneccesary and that first "f" may even diminish the joke of the 2nd one. I'll think on it.....
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Ah, an interesting and amusing piece of prose. In the first paragraph, with the sentance with two "along"s in it, the second along should be changed to something like on. But I liked this a lot, even though I think I asked for poetry, not short stories. Whatever the form, it made me laugh. The second "fucking" was a little uneccesary, but it can be looked over. I like how you added description in parenthases.
-Arias' Son -
this one isnt as long as the other snoggo stories but i still think it is good. i really love how he describes himself,hes not conceited or anything huh?which since its you means your not very humble.good luck in the contest
great job, off to read the rest.
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It was not a very...detailed description of the fight, or the monster. It would have been really good if you had pulled that part out a bit more. It seems to me, I could be wrong though, that you were going for a more comical story rather than a horror type one. Not that that's a bad thing. Good Luck
~Zave
Edited on Sep 28, 6:40 p.m. because 'grammar'. -
Who says you can't write so bad it turns out to be actually good? This was a pleasant exercise for my frayed fiction nerves. V. therapeutic, so thank you.
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Stangely Amusing!
I would have loved to have a more detailed description of the slavering beast to give me an idea of what SNOGGO was up against. Seems as though the slavering beast didn't have a prayer against SNOGGO. Great use of slap stick comedy in your story, it kept me laughing throughout. Thanks for your entry and good luck in the contest.
Avril
Edited on Sep 19, 11:53 because ''. -
Course. The ending is completely trashed in other versions. The only one to read is the one Anthony Burgess intended everyone to read.
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I'm pleased you picked up the Clockwork Orange reference. I was doubtful anyone would do so. The book is great (you must read the English original not the US version issued without Burgess' permission), the film is poor.
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I laughed when you said the thing about the shrug. I laughed. And since when is neck-biting horror? It is more horrorshow (making reference to clockwork orange)
Well now to go off on my oddyknocky and read something else. Or am I? MAybe I am the slaverign beast, back from the dead because I am undead. Ooogie boogie. -
You start off slow but gain my interest in the tale as it goes on! However I think the ending seems a bit less spocky and to be concerned about a sweater while your neck is being bit into Hmmmmmmmmm! Anyways it was a fun read. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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this is HILARIOUS. haha im reading it a third time .. and still laughing. very good
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KINKY
When I said peeped you thought of chicks? You mean new born chicks peeping out of their sweet little eggshells? We are talking a serious horrorshow tale here with slavering beasts and garlic and neck-biting and moons and you're thinking about FUCKING baby chickens!!!! Sick sick sick -
"I shrugged off my childish fears. With a shrug."
Your write was so... was so... it was so eerie. But this line kind of threw me. It's a little redundant.
My favorite lines were, "What was there to be nervous about? Why should I, a six foot four inches, beautifully proportioned specimen of manhood, muscular, brave and incredibly handsome be nervous? Phooey!" This was just so funny. The story is so dark. And yet in this line you actually fed your ego, and said "Phooey!" which should be a blow to your ego!! Kinda ironic huh. Phooey is just so childish and excuse me for saying... girlie!
"I walked on moderately fearlessly"--- maybe you should change this to "I walked on moderately fearless." It seems like overkill having too many long -ly words. But this is just a suggestion.
"A sickle moon peeped out from behind a slow moving cloud." When you said "peeped" I started thinking about chicks. I know it's crazy. Maybe trying "peered" instead.
It was interesting, but I was kinda disappointed once I got to the end. The story would have been a lot more interesting if you had actually described the slavering beast. All you said about it was.... "the person they called the Slavering Beast," "I smelled the hideous stench of the creature's breath: stale garlic, mixed with rampant tooth decay." This tells the reader absolutely nothing about the beast. You did however describe the atmosphere and your surroundings well.
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