canticles and unwanted pests by malkinpuss at All poetry

the ills of the world weigh upon my breast
measured beats of doom
dwelling in my chest
tolling tales of ruin
stripped bare and out of tune
...in protest
ripped and kicked
ransacked dry and heaving
empty yet believing
i am blessed
each compartment
void or uselessly littered
devoid of genius glittering like sun
imbued instead by the thoughts of everyone...
fidgety guests, canticles and unwanted pests
and reams and reams of crinkled linens
waiting to be pressed

Author notes

A Knock on Closed Doors by FlavoredPoison
Written April 9th, 2005

A contest entry

Confuddle me! by ChocFlavoredPoison. 300 points, ended December 17, 2005, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me some weird poems! by TwiztidMaggot. 345 points, ended June 25, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
TwiztidMaggot
June 24, 2007

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this is a pretty good poem... you did good writing it. I like it... good job! keep it up! and good luck.. .and congrats on your win!
Crimson
malkinpuss
December 13, 2005
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LearningToJustBe, gee what an amazing comment. Thanks. Yes I did mean for void and devoid to be in the same line...visual rhyme. I will consider your suggestions but must let them simmer before I decide. Thanks again. I really appreciated your comments!
malkinpuss
December 13, 2005
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FlavoredPoison, what an awesome comment. Thanks so much!
ChocFlavoredPoison
December 13, 2005
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oo i like this piece alot... i agree with the above comment i loved the last two consecutive lines with the lines "reams and reams"... i enjoyed teh rhyming it was unconventional and almost randomly placed (i do this in alot of my pieces .. its the only form of rhyme i like ^_^)... it aids in the steady flow of the piece... the picture is perfect and allows the reader to invision ur words line for line.. its a morbid and dark image ... a giant deep metaphor which seems to be made of storng emotiosn and insecurities as well as other things... amazing job and best of luck in the contest!
Yours,
FlavoredPoison
JustBe
December 7, 2005
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You are a sneaky one! You snuck a little rhyme scheme in here, and I didn’t notice it for quite awhile. I am taken with this piece, and particularly with the last three lines. The “reams and reams” part is just wonderful. The first three lines didn’t punch me in the face quite as hard, though. Maybe it’s just because it’s a heart metaphor…I don’t know. I can’t give you a trophy, but that doesn’t’ t mean I didn’t like your poem. This contest drew some heavyweights, in case you didn’t notice.
Suggestions:
1. Did you intend for “void” and “devoid” to appear on consecutive lines?
2. The “glitters like the sun” simile feels too simplistic and removed to fit in this piece.
3. Do NOT change the “reams and reams” part.
malkinpuss
December 1, 2005
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kryspin, thank you for your insightful comment!
kryspin
December 1, 2005
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well well! i think your image really opens the drawers to interpretation with the rest of the poem itself. each peice of you and drawer, folded, closed, torn, decrepit or hoping for something more. your last versa insinuates longer for romance and the tender attention and affection much deserved!

good write
malkinpuss
April 18, 2005
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Axelle Black...a compliment like this coming from someone as talented as you honours me amazingly...thank you.
Axelle Black
April 18, 2005
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Oh how very, very, very neat! And I thought I was reading God-worthy stuff back there with your baby poem .. now this is quite the poem. Sorry now, I have to catch my breath. I'm afraid I'm hyperventilating. Though this speaks of something as awkward as this picture above (which I very much like btw), it could definitely mean something different if we take into account that this may be symbolism. But anyways, I'm not good at deciphering and reading between the lines so I'll just tell you what I liked at first sight Um, so, well the metaphors once again are beautiful, and quite strange in this case. The word choice is amazing. And what I think I loved the most about this poem is the so very contemporary mood you created. I've never really read something quite like it. It is highly original and inspiring. Oh how I love your work! I'm so glad I fell upon you!... I'll be back for more now, though, time's up tonight. Anyways, thanks for being so good
malkinpuss
April 18, 2005
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Sora-chan, thanks for reading! I really appreciated your cool comment too!
Feadra
April 13, 2005
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wow. that's awesome! You really don't even notice the rhyme unless you really try to focus on it! This poem is amazing. the picture is awesome, and your interpretation of it is incredible. I love the way this was written. great job
ja ne
Fea
malkinpuss
April 12, 2005
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Pinhead...thanks man.
just rob
April 12, 2005
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This poem rocks.The language is well used, the rhyme is flawless, and I found the structure and content more in the style of free verse.It really reads well aloud too.
Great write!
Peace,Rob
malkinpuss
April 11, 2005
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Thanks so much secberm
secberm
April 11, 2005
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A wonderful write friend. Loved:

ripped and kicked
ransacked dry and heaving
empty yet believing
i am blessed

Excellent choice of words. Truly fitting. Good luck friend.
malkinpuss
April 10, 2005
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Joshua121...that was THEE COOLEST compliment! Thanks so much!
Joshua121
April 10, 2005
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you know i wish i could give you a cool compliment but i dont even know what to say. suffice it to say that you really impress me, your choice of wording and your imagery, your flow and rhyme is really awesome, not just in this work either your and amazing poet and i love to read your work.
malkinpuss
April 9, 2005
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DazedAndConfused88...wow thanks for the great compliment!
DazedAndConfused88
April 9, 2005
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loved it
Wow this is brilliant!
I'm a huge fan of rhyme scheme.. Believing it to be more talented than just another teenager ranting on in free-verse.. Really.. A good job.. Winner written all over it.
malkinpuss
April 9, 2005
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BloodRoses...wow thanks for one hellava cool compliment ...my head all big 'an fat now
BloodRoses
April 9, 2005
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this is so damn cool, modern and contemporary-
a beautiful thing to see as a change of everyone always attempting to capture the 'stems and roots of the classics'
this is freakkin awesome...

"i loved ransacked dry and heaving
empty yet believing
i am blessed"

that was bloody fuckin brilliant
wonderful work here, wonde
WRITE ON!
_BR)
malkinpuss
April 9, 2005
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termination suite...thanks...I like that it made you think
malkinpuss
April 9, 2005
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perthro....awwww thanks
perthro
April 9, 2005
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excellent
I love the pic and the write is cool because it makes ya think!
Nam
April 9, 2005
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there's 2-sides to this piece that I have taken. the 1st being the poem with the drawing and vividly it's expounded and true-to-form. the 2nd would be the imagery and conclusions I got, or one would get, reading it without the image of the drawing. but sometimes the drawing creeps back in, or perhaps the imagery of what it could have been and ended up being.

I like that, that's a good poem, I feel. great piece here.
malkinpuss
April 9, 2005
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Yashi ...I think this is the coolest compliment...ever!
Yashi
April 9, 2005
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You certainly know your own style. This poem is like a song even though there is no melody. You just savor every phrase. Nice job.