Driving in the car.
His Daddy's new car.
We were running away, but just for today.
The sun, the smell, the cool crisp air.
The tree, the dark, the sirens.
The screams the cries,
The hate, the lies.
Where did he go?
Lurking around this sad little scene,
I see the body in the stream.
Running, screaming.
Will I reach him in time?
I grab his hand he grabs mine.
He's alive I scream,
I'm so sure,
He kisses me with passion so lovely, so pure.
I say the words I think he's waited to hear,
I whisper I love you in his ear.
Police come running, people start crying.
He's just lying there holding my hand.
I look over, and see a tear,
he tells me I love you was not the last thing he wanted to hear.
I look at him and walk away.
It started as such a fun day,
The sun, the smell, the cool crisp air.
He knew he needed to hear one last thing,
He knew I love you, would be it.
Somehow he knew,
He would never get the chance to say I love you too.
Author notes
I dont remember why I wrote this, it just came to me, and its been sitting in my room for awhile. its my all time favorite out of all of my poems.
Written December 15th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is so sad!!! It's amazing!!! A very powerful piece. And it just came to you??? This is absolutely fantastic! It actually made me a bit tearful but thankfully I just keep those things in my head. -
Thank you so much for your comments it really means alot to me
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bittersweet
Reminds me of old bloodrock poignant, and thought provoking with a bittersweet subtext. -
... This poem is so beautifully sad!!! It is an awesome poem but it really did make me cry!!! ...
Beth -
this is a really good poem what more can I say than wow....
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This is very nice poem with super rhyme and rhythm. A very original story it tells too. Well done indeed.
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I had to read this twice to get the full meaning from it and I'm very glad I did because it's amazing. The structure suits what you are writing about so well. The rhyming was so subtle I didn't even notice it the first time. I think the last stanza was the best. Sad thoughts
'He knew he needed to hear one last thing,
He knew I love you, would be it.
Somehow he knew,
He would never get the chance to say I love you too.'
Great write, all the best
x Chloe x -
awesome
I like the scene that you set out for us in this poem. It's really imaginative yet sad. I enjoyed it a lot. -
Thanks For the comments i look forward to reviewing some of your work as a return favor.
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wow...just...wow. This is an amazing poem, and if your other works are anything like this, you are an amazing poet. This was a great write, and a great read. Thank you for sharing your talents with us, and I hope to read more of your works in the future. I wish you the best in your life and your work. Beautiful, keep it up.
au revoir.
Nobodygirl.. -
with work, it'll be grand.
It has a lot of potential! I think the grammar needs work (but then again, I'm a stickler for that sort of thing). Proper punctuation and division between the narration of the poem and what the characters are saying will make a world of difference for the better. The imagery is very vivid, and the rhyme scheme seems pretty natural. I also liked the fact that you kept a steady rhythm throughout the piece.
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