A MAD GIRL’S LOVE SONG
they ask me
well if you love him so well
tell me what gender he is
and which tribe of gestalt owns
the signs lying within the
dissected portions of his
fabled mouth
and i halt quietly
as touch-n-go eats me
with aborted glee
and strokes blindly
at knuckles chanting
we’ll see how brave you are
we’ll see how fast you run
and there are times i pledge
a sophist passion
and the sheets nun me
bronzing my virginity
withstanding every advance
except marble apollo’s greek designs
and am i insane
and am i incompetent
and am i inexcusable
in all these bungled musings
so lost in the moments of
some day
sunday
where i can then taste
with lips and teeth
swelling and lush
your
crust
so although the walls; they whisper
and the room beats like marauders
i rush out into rutted roads
my face darker than magpies
my tongue as ripe as mangos
still
singing
a mad girl’s love song
Author notes
Poet: Sylvia Plath. Inspired by her original work entitled 'Mad Girl's Love Song' which can be viewed on Old Poetry.
Note: Some parts also inspired by Tori Amos
Bronze
Written April 7th, 2005
A contest entry
- The Asshole's Contest: Good Poet's BORROW, Great Poet's STEAL! by Avatar of Innocence.
1800 points, ended July 5, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I Love Plath. This was a stunning emulation of her work. I do believe this poem is a grinning incarnate of her essence. Great Job You. I have nothing to say in regards to improvement to this poem. Even my co-judge was quite taken with this piece.
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This is brilliant, though I have to be honest and say that the "we'll see..." couplet isn't my favorite, nor the repetition "and am I...." . The lines following are not nearly as strong as the rest of the piece, so the repetition (I think) suffers a bit from being followed by weaker lines. But, of course, I'm SUCH a huge fan of Plath, and that particular piece, so I can see where the indulgence to repeat comes from, and can even appreciate it since I'm want to do it myself from time to time. Other than those two sections, though, this piece is golden. Ripe with fresh imagery. I mean...
where i can then taste
with lips and teeth
swelling and lush
your
crust
What the hell... that's perfect. You take regular grammar and twist it outside the norm. You could've just as easily said "with lips and teeth that are swelling and lush, I taste your crust", but that's the lazy poets way out. This SHOWS... never tells, and that's the first thing I look for in a good piece of poetry. Loved it. -
Lol...actually, yes, I DO know it's a Plath title...hence why I stated it in my author's comments...
lol And yeah, it's one of my favorites of hers. But thank you for your kind words...they are greatly appreciated. 
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The title is a Sylvia Plath poem, have you read it? Obviously you have because I just read your comment area. It's very good. Although you both write of two different topics, yours is still very good. Nice write.
Edited on Jun 30, 2:32 p.m. because ''. -
Well written.
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I can always count on you to comment on other entries thank you! Damn this contest is getting harder and harder and this entry did not help AT ALL!! ~sigh~
okay so you have a way of making something not so pretty...pretty haha. I love your carefully picked words and bits of metaphors to make the moment bigger then it is.
some day
sunday
where i can then taste
with lips and teeth
swelling and lush
your
crust
that stanza stood out to me a nice place on words it was fun to say outloud lol. Thanks for the entry and the great read! -
a rush down the hallway
to end singing on the lawn -
there are times i pledge
a sophist passion
and the sheets nun me
bronzing my virginity
awsome...awesome...awesome
i loved. suprisingly, it took a moment for me to get into, but once i did ireread & was very thankful for you sharing it. you weave words together creating these images in my head & i loved the way you used sophistry...i love that word. -
But then it should be just like in that Beatles's song of strawberry fields "living is easier with eyes closed" eyes closed of course to the walls of uncertainty, singing with their attempts to disrupt and separate the already split halves that live and experience the fortune to find each other, in orbit around the intangible fruits of love, invisible, unseen yet present. Let not the distance erode all that is beautiful but only token of turning bliss into infinity's grasp and madness only into the dreamweaver that will allow the lovers be together one day soon!...Very original wrie that I enjoyed reading quite a bit and can relate so much. Best wishes for the contest! ~ Juan Anguas
Edited on Apr 15, 6:25 p.m. because 'typo lol'. -
Oh hush...as if you could be second to ANYONE on this site...you obvious fisher of compliments, you!
But yeah...even I can't think of anything to say about my stuff after NoIQ has a go at it! 
All I know is that he makes me feel purdy with his words...just like you...tee hee.
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Blah blah... what the hell else is there to say when NoIQ gets to commenting before me. Besides, I don't care about the technical crap... if it sounds good, it's a good poem, period. This sounded good. A few wordy parts too close together that hung up for me while reading... you sure do like them dar purdy words. Otherwise, like all your writes, it's friggin genius and I shall go off and pout in my corner.
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You know...just once, ONCE, I wish I was as brilliant as you depict me to be...
Or that I was worthy of such extravagant praise...but all I can do is reread your incredible comment and dream... 
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You know, inasmuch as I live in the Bay Area, you could almost define the sentiments of the love scene with your opening lines: "they ask me / well if you love him so well / tell me what gender he is."
Seriously, Darcy, this is one of the most effective and complex poems from you that I have seen. There are a host of poetic devices employed, all quite effectively. The second stanza neatly plays off, uniquely, the rhyme on the hard "e" of each of the final words -- a device again employed in the fourth stanza's brief "and the sheets nun me / bronzing my virginity", which itself plays off the rhyme on "run" at the end of the third stanza. And that is just the beginning of this delightful poem! Indeed, the "gestalt" referenced in the lines "and which tribe of gestalt owns / the signs lying within the / dissected portions of his / fabled mouth" could be a metaphor for the entire piece, which flows through so many individual complex minuets of thought. The reference to inspiration from Sylvia Plath is somewhat ironic, given Ms. "Bell Jar's" historical mental problems culminating in her own demise -- "mad girl" indeed. Yet there are some uniquely Darcy, non-Sylvia Plath elements. You have an optimism that Plath, in all her brilliance, often shirked like the plague (e.g. the poems of Arial). Nor is your heroine "cow-heavy" and burdened with the domestic pains of 1950s existence. Indeed, your final reverse pyramid 6-4-2 stanza/quasi-cinquain is peaceful, and a lovely contemplation of how love and the inability to act on it cause the madness recited throughout. Just a great poem all around, Darcy. I could go on and on about various elements I see in this piece, all of which appeal to me.
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As always, your expert eye and impeccable poetic sixth sense is spot on, my dear Mr. P. Changed that naughtee little word but the semicolon has somehow roped me into its dark enchantments, so I must keep her there...or, as she threatens, she'll shave my cat.
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why the semicolon in the last stanza? disruptive imnsho.
I love the last stanza. the haiku would make sense to me if the last word were "flourish".
madness -
This is funny and sensuous and smart an yummy and in short you could have simply said, you're cute...do me. But you're oh so poetic much to eloquent to be so bold. You're the shitz. (that's a good thing by the way )
Desiree
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The last two stanzas and then the last little three lines at the very end were my favorite. The imagery in this poem is right on target. Each time I read one of your poems I am amazed at how talented you are. It is as if you have this immense creative talent bursting through your veins and it can not be suppressed. I understand the emotions of a mad girls love song all too well.
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i cant even comment on this poem........i dont kno where to start..... fuck... everyone has already said what i want to say... so ill just applaud u .... wow....
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What's this? A poem by onerios13 that, *gasp*, has an actual title that's more than one or two words long? WOW! Just kidding, I'm not one to talk, but that's not the point here .
I refuse to say this was great, damn good, badass, awesome, etc., because...well, aside from the fact it's all of that (and more, apparently), I don't have much else to add here beyond what others have already said. -
I love the style of this. Very unique.
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There are some very effective lines woven throughout this illustrative poetry. I can feel Path throughout. She would be pleased at your musing. This is good poetry de facto! Good luck in the contest. The metaphors and images are uppermost in this poem.
Lisa Ann
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this was a really good write! loved it~ keep up the great work!
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wow! this poem is bursting full of imagery and passion! this is a really great write! i like the flow of the poem! it is very different to many others that i have read. I really enjoyed this! keep up the great work! i look forward to reading more! i think that you are extemely creative and very very talented! so beautiful and deep! great job! !
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very good write! I enjoyed this very much. I do agree wtih billydavidson, it is very beautiful!
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long but good. I really like your style.
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christ where do i begin.... every word so full of energy... i do love the whole poem so i will not cut and paste the whole poem... it was beautiful.... you know hold on i do like this stanza best of all...
and there are times i pledge
a sophist passion
and the sheets nun me
bronzing my virginity
withstanding every advance
except marble apollo’s greek designs
genius i think
billy
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