Blue, then red, then black the skies,
in this recurring dream:
Another sunset fades and dies.
My spiral path where madness lies
in guilty greys and blended green.
Blue, then red, then black the skies.
Hold my troubles in my eyes,
the stillness caught between.
Another sunset fades and dies.
My inner self my mind denies:
Wait, my soul, and kill thy gleam.
Blue, then red, then black the skies.
I shone, once. How my mem'ry sighs:
I've lost that once-bright sheen.
Another sunset fades and dies.
Another night. The sun will rise:
I'll wait; let sins redeem.
Blue, then red, then black the skies:
Another sunset fades and dies...
Author notes
Under stress, a person has to deny the greater part of themselves in order to focus on the parts that will help them cope with the stress. At such a time, the very rhythm of life can be a hardship, like a spiral circle -- every day seems to bring you back to the same point, although time has moved on.
That's where I got it from. Where you take it is another matter entirely. 
Written April 7th, 2005
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Awsome Poem. Its also very colorful^_^
-Amber- -
Very nice flow and fantastic word selection. I enjoyed this much.
Brian -
good villanelle
A good villanelle with a subtle rhyme and strong repeating lines. It is a bit funny, the one thing that stood out for me was your use of "mem'ries" it seemed forced. While, for the most part, you were working with 8 syllable lines there, I didn't think that ninth syllable was obtrusive, certainly not as obtrusive to me as "mem'ries". If you want to hold that line to eight syllables dropping either the "How" or "my" could work for you, ie:
"I shone, once. How memory sighs:"
"I shone, once. My memory sighs:"
Just a thought there, to avoid the uncomfortable "mem'ries". Give it a try, read it outloud and see how it sounds.
jim : ) -
Outstanding villanelle, Jobob. You already have one excellent comment on this piece from Kirbysman, and I can do no more than echo his thoughts. I too periodically play with the obsessive forms too, quite recently composing both a sestina and pantoum. I particularly agree with kirbysman that I wish more people attempted all of these forms, to appreciate why they are viewed as so difficult. Like you, when I am done composing one, I inevitably think they all "need work," because their very difficulty lends one to a mild insecurity when we complete the compositions. Here, though, I don't feel such sentiments are warranted. Your lines resonate, and produce a beautiful weave of the repeated refrains. You indicate in your notes that you are uncomfortable with "I'll wait, and sins redeem". I think that line is fine, but based on the concerns you note, if you want to edit it and maintain the ambiguity you refer to, one possibility might be "I'll pause, let sins redeem." I might suggest "pause" over "wait" anyway, since it is a slightly less colloqiual synonym. However, as I indicated, this is just an excellent work.
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First, I always commend people that write villanelles - they drive me crazy when I try. There are lines here that just sing to me including, "My spiral path where madness lies." Just great. There's a little unevenness, particularly in the "I shone once . . ." line that has 9 syllables. You've read mine enough to know I use the apostrophe and I'd probably use "mem'ries" or something, which is the way it's usually pronounced in the US anyway. There's also the switch from the "m" to "n" rhyme in the middle line but it works fairly well. Now, I really like the overall sound, theme and effect - including the subject. Now, I've got to leave to get dinner at daugher's house so I'll try to come back and edit this comment.
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