The one I once gave my heart
Now has grabbed it, and ripped it apart
A hollow girl that wanted me
Had me, and killed me
The things she say and what she does
Makes me hate every ounce of her
The things she wants and things she needs
She will take it all to see me bleed
Just leave me alone in my peace
Please make her words cease
She took my youth and fucked it up
Drained my life, sipped it through her cup
She told me that my soul was weak
Well at least mine isn't so damn bleak
Author notes
'theater geeks travel in packs'
Written April 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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WOW! this is realy good. You have quite talent here! keep writing, you're good at it.
Alyssa~!~ -
wow very angry. critique: the rhyming in some of it is forced sounding like that you said her soul is bleak. o.0 im not entirely sure whatcha mean there. howevahz, i think you really conveyed the anger well which is something i couldn't really ever do... *sigh* anywho, good write, and good luck in the contest!
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excellent
I like this poem. Yeah SOME girls tend to do this kind of thing, I try to stay away from them. Its probably why a lot of my friends are guys.Girls can be big bitches in my opinion.God job, keep it up!
-Bean -
Ewww. This is why I hate girls. They suck the souls out of anything with a soul left. I probably shouldn't say that...but it's kind of true.
Anyway.. I like your poem. Very appropriate title I feel. I like that it is shorter than most poems like this on this website, but also says just as much if not more. -
Nice write
Well doesn’t she sound like a terrible person. Hopefully things are better. -
interesting....loving the anger...wow you even made me feel like a bitch....but i don't feel to bad...becuz guys have done the same thing to me...anyway good poem
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I've never read your poetry, I like it. I think this is so emotional, I relate to it and I think you should win. By the way, nice name. I love Madonna Wayne gacy.
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Wow, really nice and angsty. Funny how much feelings for a person can change so dramatically, you know? Anyway, I really liked this one, and good luck in the contest!
~LiSa~ -
lol i love you too
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It is so full of raw emotion and anger that it almost makes the reader want to jump up and start screaming like the Two-Minute Hate from George Orwell's "1984." Congrats!
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I love you! "Bitch" is blunt, funny, so clever! Good write! The last four lines are my favorite! Visit my site and critique my work!
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my absolute favorite title of all time
lol
anyway very angry and REAL work here
great job, so revealing...opening up and all that vulnerability that can come along with it just sets us up to be hurt
which pisses us off
then we write kik ass shit like this
great job
write on
BR -
very sad. but good job with writing this. would have been better without the forced rhyming..but as is, still good. good luck in the contest.
Blu -
This is great, so emotional, and powerful....I don't know what else to say...just amazing write, and keep up the good work!
~Ashley
*I have to applaud b/c u left me speechless lol -
do you mind if I dedicate this to my ex best friend?
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Wow! You really said it. SO much power and anger in those words i almost felt like hating that girl too, whoever she is.
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hiya wicked and touching poem
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"Drained my life, sipped it through her cup
She told me that my soul was weak
Well at least mine isn't so damn bleak"
These are such powerful words...such a powerful poem. Such emotion was put into this, and I love it. Though very sad...very good write. Good work, and keep it up =)
<3 Kyra" -
this is awesome. your play with words does alot. keep it up. bitches are every where but their what makes a person stronger.
x_x linz x_x -
This was such a great peice it was writen with such emotion such feeling. I love finding peices that can really relate to my life fand not just some people writing stupied stuff.
Great Job and i look forward to reading more of your work
Katelynn -
wow this is a great write! i am sorry this happened to you! well done though! lauren x
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Interesting Expression
Some titles beg to be read. Excellent release of emotion. -
I like the steady beat and flow. Seems so me that you fixed the errors people already commented on so I have nothing more to say than I liked it..
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this really seemed heartfelt, so im assuming its a true story, cause if it isnt, its so believable . either way, good job
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oh wow, this is one encribly powerfull piece!!!! Your words are used so effevtively!! This is great write and continue to do so!
Oh and i have been in a similar situation before and i know how you feel!!
Drea
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Yowzers! Excellent ranting for such a painful subject... You took a difficult subject and managed to make it rhyme, something that I can't usually do. So Bravo!
Only suggestion that I have is:
"Drained my life, sipped it through her cup" - I'd use from rather than through...
Great job!
~Diane -
6 out of ten
Okay, I love the angry at females thing. (I'm angry at guys enough that I like this poem)any way there are some things you should fix.
Like this:"One I once gave my heart
Now has grabbed it, and ripped it apart"
The sceond line doesnt make much sense. I understand tha your heart was ripped apart,but you didnt say who grabbed and ripped it. The conataion that it was the girl was there but the reader (me) had to kind of think about it.
Also this:"Makes me hate every once of her". "once" should be "ounce".
Besides that I really like this poem. -
damn, this is deep. I like it alot. Check out my stuff if you want to. Great write
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