Watching the beauty
of the sea before me
The music lulls me
Watching the beauty
as tears fall down on me
from a saddened sky
Watching the beauty
of the sea before me
Author notes
As far as I know, triolets do not need to rhyme. I've never heard of that rule before.
Written April 3rd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku/Triolet combination contest by macandrew.
300 points, ended April 9, 2005, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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good haiku
Thanks for entering.
While your haiku scored well the triolet did not match the needed rhyming sequence. Lines 2, 6, and 8 needed to rhyme.
John -
I haven't recieved any comments on mine yet so I don't know what to say
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Pretty hard to do description when it has to follow particular rules, but thank you.
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You did write a very nice haiku but I'd like to see more description. I think that could just be me though.
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It's very pretty and kinda sad. Feels like me a lot... And it may inspire me to write that poem. *kiss and hug*
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This is the definition I got from my dictionary.
A short poem or stanza of eight lines, in which the first line is repeated as the fourth and again as the seventh line, the second being, repeated as the eighth.
It says nothing about rhyme at all and that is what I go by, but I did rhyme this one. -
From the encyclopedia:
TRIOLET, one of the fixed forms of verse invented in medieval France, and preserved in the practice of many modern literatures. It consists of eight short lines on two rhymes, arranged a b a a a b a b, and in French usually begins on the masculine rhyme. The first line reappears as the fourth line, and the seventh and eighth lines repeat the opening couplet; the first line, therefore, is repeated three times, and hence the name.
Talia -
Triolets don't need to rhyme, but the host of the contest calls for it as a rule. Thank you for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
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You create a rich scene and the 'saddened sky' is a stunning touch. As for the rhyme. It seems to me that you have a mono-rhyme throughout the piece except for one line and that seems to work nicely but I am not an expert on the triolet. I do know that I loved the image.
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It wasn't too challenging, since I am quite used to these sort of resitrictions, but thank you for your comment.
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I'm pretty sure I did follow the requirements. What didn't I follow?
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good
A very beautiful poem. Don't think you will have any luck in the contest as you haven't followed the stated requirements of the triolet.
Good luck.
Talia -
This is very beaytiful and your picture adds a lot to this. I have never tried this before. I'll bet it is quite challenging. Good Luck! Penny
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