light pierces sunshine
hope becomes reality
snuggling at His feet
Author notes
Nothing that I could write could capture what heaven must be like!
As the song says, "I can only imagine."
image from www.bibleexplained.com/epistles-o/3johns/feet-jesus.jpg
won silver in Make Me Believe contest 4/8/05
Written April 1st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Senryu Deathmatch by Wesside.
300 points, ended July 1, 2006, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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light pierces sunshine
What a powerful image...
I love it.
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v
What an awesome poem so many comment so not know how to top them not very good at haiku, love to read them they are so uplifting and breath taking very good keep up the great work take care brenda -
beautifully written. 'Light pierces sunshine', excellent opening line.
Score: 8.9 -
I don't really understand how haiku's work. But this was a beautiful collection of words. Well done.
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This is good, I'm not religious but I still enjoyed it. Very nice imagery and tone. Great job and good luck in the contest, thanks for entering.
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This is a beautiful haiku, though I would have the last line make a bigger impact. the first too lines set me up for something awesome, thought the last line is a good idea to snuggle at His feet. I would have rathered it end more powerful like "bathed in Holy light" or something of that nature. Excellent haiku and good luck in my contest!
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There's more. The piercing in the first line and Jesus' feet in the third refer to the crucifixion. The second line refers to Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Thanks so much for reading! Happy Friday!- joanne
Edited on Apr 08, 10:20 p.m. because ''. -
Outstanding
I see some biblical content in this work. If only to touch the sandal straps of the Lord, then I will be saved. Heavenly light outshines all. Terrific Haiku, I love it. Keep up the great writing. Take care.
Michael -
Oh, that's so beautiful!! I hope that's what heaven is like. It's such a comforting image to ponder and that picture was absolutely beautiful! Wonderfully done, my friend. Thank you for entering my contest.
Kelso -
Holy~
Oh wow!!! Definately a 'heaven haiku'!!! I don't usually like short poems because not many people can do them well, but this is just wonderful! The picture is stunning and fits so well!! This is a very spiritual write and I really like it a lot. (I sound like a stuttering little kid, but this is really beautiful...) -
I'm not a big fan of haiku but i really liked this one. You did a good job of putting emotion in this poem and you said lot about the man you love. Good Job!!!
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Even though I'm not religious, I still found this interesting. Good likeness of people's thoughts and Jesus's feet. Well done.
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This is such a powerful message. I particularly liked how you had put the Lords feet above your Haiku. Haiku's are really difficult to write and you did this so well.
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Great job! Very well done. I'm not a very spiritual person, but I really liked this. keep it up.
Chrissy -
Great haiku. I really liked it. Good job.
Later,
Chammie -
Wow!! I loved this!! I can't wait till I get to walk up in Heaven and just walk with Jesus!! Hand in Hand!! What a blessedness that will be!! Keep on Praising Jesus my friend!! "For where two or more are gathered in my name" you know
There Jesus is in the midst of them!! Praise God!! I loved this!! God Bless You!!
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Ok, let me just start off by saying that I am not a religious person... AT ALL, and so I usually stay away from such poetry, not that I have anything against it or God, because just cause I am not what you would call "religious", doesn't mean I don't believe in Him, but anywys, back to what I was saying, my point is, I REALLY, REALLY liked this. You said so much in so little words and I REALLY LOVED the line
"hope becomes reality"
just because I've been going through some battles in my life lately and it seems like that line fits me perfectly, because thankfully, I am making it through. Anyways, AWESOME POEM!!!
-CoLe
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nice haiku. yes, they definitly are hard to write. good job on this one! yes, you can only imagine. but, hey, what wrong with imagining?
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This is a very uplifting haiku and I know people do sometimes wonder what It will be like to walk that golden road in heaven. But there is one thing I do not know if it is right or not. When writing an haiku I know you are nop suppose to capitilaize any letters. I know you put a captial H because you are refering to God but you could of Bold the word to give it more meaning. And also this is more like a senyru then a haiku. Like I said I do not know for sure but from the classes I have been taking I have been learning alot on this style. But overall this does have a wonderful meaning
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Haiku is so hard to write. You have to be a really good poet to capture the theme in so few words. I feel you did that here and I applaud you.Linda
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This made me feel all warm and cozy. Imagine snuggling at Jesus' feet. This is such a comforting thought. Thanks for writing and sharing. I really enjoyed reading this.
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Aww thats cute YAY
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This was a good Haiku. I liked the idea you gave. 'Snuggling at his feet* What a beautiful thought! I can only imagine...yes, that is a pretty good song. My Mom's favorite. I don't care for the group as much, but I like that song. Good job!
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this was really incredible...im jus starting to understand the beauty of haikus...i think the beaty of them is enchanting as is this poem...well done xxxxxxxxxx
Edited on Apr 02, 2:46 p.m. because ''. -
awe-inspiring
That was preety good, keep it up! It was very thought inspiring to say the least, and the footprint is very independant, terriffic use of figurative language! -
hrm. critical comment. i think the only thing i could find at fault was 'snuggled'. i suppose if you think of all good things snuggling at Jesus' feet it makes sense, but..for my tastes, another verb would be more appropriate. Otherwise, great write!
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wow, great haiku, most of them are about nature but I like how you have incorporated your faith into this one!!well done!!
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Yes the first line and the third lines are supposed to be contradictory in the sense that we'll never fully comprehend God's Love - the violence that leads to the love - and what eternity will be like. Faith is the essense of things unseen but somehow truly believed. thanks for commenting. thanks and thanks again...-joanne
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A
i like "light pierces sunshine"
its very powerful AND shows how He supercedes our definitions of love and healing and all the other basic metaphors sunshine is supposed to suggest
i like "hope becomes reality"
would it fair to point out that, because it is by having faith in something (and acting as if it were true), we create it in our own lives, the implicit assumption in this line is that there is no hope just yet? im not trying to be confusing, ive just never broken it down this way before.
and lastly "snuggling at His feet"
here I have to wonder. are you trying to say that hope is snuggling or that we'll be? the first two lines were assertions as to the nature of God and the effect His presence has on being here (hope and miracles) this last one breaks form and suddenly you're define hope in physical terms OR your sharing the type of relationship you'd like to have with Him.
On the other hand, the essense of God is the capacity to represent seeming contradictions in a way that we cannot understand (but merely need to accept) and do so in a way that appears effortless. If that is what you're doing, then you have succeeded.
Sorry for being verbose, but I AM curious as to your intent
Regardless, a very well crafted haiku. -
Wow, this is great but are you sure that you haven't got an extra syllable in the top line? A traditional haiku goes 5-7-5. As for your description of Heaven, I loved it Keep writing, this was a wonderful spiritual poem which I liked a lot
All the best,
Pozo
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Outstanding
Very metaphotrical in the useages of "pierced" and "feet". You said 10 thousand things and evoked a thousand images with 10 words and 17 syllables! -
thanks for reading and responding....I used the word "pierces" in the first line to allude to the brutality of the Cross....it's the second line i wish i could get more imagery into. God bless you abundantly today and everyday!-joanne
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thank you...yes this can also be a senryu...i call it a haiku because of my belief that heaven is a real place...it will become our natural setting someday. Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Excellent
This is wonderful! I love haiku poetry and you have penned an inspirational one. Amazing what can be portrayed with only a few well chosen words. Very nicely done. -
very neat!! nice!!!
thanks for sharing it with us!!
~dycz
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good job
This is a nice senyru. I write haiku and senyru occasionally but not often, and then mostly in French. Most of them I throw away as they don't meet my criteria for whatever reason. I commend you for taking the time to write one of these in such a pleasant and warm style. -
nice and simple, i like the use of the word 'snuggling', but to have 'pierces' in the first line sounded a bit harsh to me. not as though i'm an expert though - i only wish i could write a haiku that actually managed to capture an image
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A very beautiful haiku! You followed the structure perfect and still kept the poem as beautiful as ever. I truly love this poem. The picture you chose is wonderful and I think I am going to go check out that link. Great write, with beautifully imagary!
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Very lovely haiku. I rarely read 5-7-5 haiku or spiritual poems but this was very well written. Very warm and comforting feeling I got from this poem. Good job. Keep writing!
~CT -
A lovely haiku. You managed to follow the traditional 5-7-5 haiku without really losing anything from the piece. Good job.
Also, I like the word choice 'snuggling'. It gives the piece an aura of comfort, and I think thats a good feeling for the piece to have.
Nice write. -
A warm feeling flooded over me as I read this. Very well put and it's so true that we can only image.
-Meg -
And what an amazing song that is too "I can only imagine" -- This is so beautifully and simply put. I truly adore it.
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