Brilliant blue with touches of yellow,
Long lashes brush my cheek.
The eyes of the one I love
Penetrating my soul.
Lips full, curved in a sweet smile,
Innocent yet full of lust,
So much power there,
Power over me.
Hair as black as night,
Long and soft as silk,
Wrapping round my body,
Warming me from the world.
Every inch of you before me,
Every thought inside your head;
Every steady beat of your heart,
And every even, smooth breath.
They say no one can be perfect,
But they have never seen you,
Not the way that I see you,
Not the way that I love you.
To stand near you is all I ask,
Even if we never touch;
I am sated by your presence,
Loving every inch of you.
Author notes
Written March 31st, 2005
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yay
o this is written so very well it seems so tidy and flows so well i liked the picture aswell wich add alot of visual to the poem but you knew that cuz thats y u put it there watever sry im having a huge brain freeze neway wat im trying to say is great job with this keep it up really
uno jus
CLOUD^_^ -
WOW... This is an AWESOME poem Auntie Erin!!! Great job and excellent choice of artwork to use!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
Erin, This is so great. It really is one of your best. Girl, you are just getting so good at putting feeling into your writing. One can feel the emotion in this one. That is what the best poems do, make the reader feel!! I have a maybe/maybe not suggestion.. you might try changing "And every, even smooth breath" to "Even every breath you breathe." It might flow some smoother there. Still, awesome job! Many hugs, Penny
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Ah, yes, but we're not talking about humans.
Actually, the picture is two male elves, but who's looking.
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OhSoSorry, they're actually both men, but I figured most would assume at least the one was female. LOL! If we want to get real technical, they're both male elves.
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This was wonderful; I loved it. And the picture just adds to that. I think you did great on this. It was just one of those writes that made me sit and think for minute before commenting. I just don't know what to say.
And I have to say OhSoSorry seems to have a problem with words; whats the difference between chicks and girls? I mean, when you're talking about humans. LOL!
Jess -
Are those two chicks or two girls?
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AWSOME!!!
The picture only adds more flavor to this tastey poem. Great poem, I loved it! It was very descriptive and left me with an, "awwwwww", feeling. Keep it up! -
Pattyann: not sure what to do with that little hiccup. Any ideas? I've read the line over about 19 billion times now. LOL!
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Very well written,really liked the following lines:
"Every inch of you before me,
Every thought inside your head;
Every steady beat of your heart,
And every smooth breath." awesome
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Wow I was very enticed by your word usage.I could feel the heart beat and intensity rising within me.This is definiteley a great penning my fellow poet.
Kudos and Blessings,Tom -
Erin, this is an excellent work. I am always enthralled with the lovely words you choose to paint your works of art.
There is a single hiccup in the fourth stanza, last line, but otherwise, I feel that the piece is perfectly written. Your vocabulary is perfectly chosen and, as always, your writing takes my breath away. Hugs, Patricia -
wonderful
I really like your poem! And the picture is a wonderful bonus! Great writing!
~Jen
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